Stuck in a box and don't know how to get out.

I'm stuck inside my house and can't work out how to get out.

Recently moved out of my home as I split up with my girlfriend. This place doesn't feel like my home and it never will, i hate it but all I do is sit in it. I work long hours so I don't have to face reality but when I do, it just drags me down.

The real problem is, I can't remember what makes me happy or what even entertained me. I just sit there watching TV. I don't even have the motivation to play a computer game, I quit the gym, I won't go out with my friends and I can't rely on my family.

What chance is there for me to ever make someone else happy if I can't even make myself happy?

Not that this really matters but.. you moved out of your home because you broke up and are now living in your house. so where exactly are you living before and where are you living now?

So you don't know what makes you happy anymore right? Don't panic, just take this time to gather your thoughts and reflect on yourself. Revisit your goals and hobbies. Step back and look at the big picture. I know it is easy to help other people because you can see all around them, but unable to do the same to ourselves. It's not easy to 'take our own medicine'.

Regumika said:

Not that this really matters but.. you moved out of your home because you broke up and are now living in your house. so where exactly are you living before and where are you living now?

So you don't know what makes you happy anymore right? Don't panic, just take this time to gather your thoughts and reflect on yourself. Revisit your goals and hobbies. Step back and look at the big picture. I know it is easy to help other people because you can see all around them, but unable to do the same to ourselves. It's not easy to 'take our own medicine'.

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I moved into another house after the breakup, I just don't class it as my "home"

I have spent 6 very long months trying to gather my thoughts and reflect. It just isn't working as I just end up thinking about how my future has been ripped away from me. My goal used to getting a good job so I could afford to get married, buy a house and have kids but now all that is gone.

It's not like she's the only woman in the world, man. Welcome to the singles club and good luck!

PS I know what it's like when you're robbed of intimacy and dreams by fate. It sucks but you have to make yourself keep functioning and changing for the better. You will get used to it at some point, I hope. Really, dwelling on the past is not going to do anything for the you of right now.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

My goal used to getting a good job so I could afford to get married, buy a house and have kids but now all that is gone.

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No it's not, it will just be with another person other than who you thought it was going to be.

As I see it you are basically grieving, mourning the loss of your girlfriend. You need to move on, envisage a future without her, first as just you, and then with someone new.

Sadly only you can do this, if we were physically there we could help, we can only encourage you.

At some point you need to let go and start down the road to your future. You've arrived at a crossroads, not a dead end. The road you were headed down has closed, but you CAN go on, and you NEED to see that.

So let go, do what you need to, cry, shout, hit something, then start thinking of you.

Take it one day at a time, one step at a time.

Good luck.

Its just a bad phase and it will pass. What you are experiencing right now, is a part of normal grief. Its duration varies from person to person and also on an individual's will power. Change is in your hands

Thanks guys for all the advice, I know i'm not being rational but I can't help myself. We were together for many years and I am not the sort of person to let someone in to my life so it was a very big step for me being with her, infact she didn't actually even ask permission to come into my life, she just sort of waltzed in and made my life truly special for a very long time.

I think i feel so bad at the moment because I know it was my fault for the breakup. I became complacent and left her waiting too long whilst all her friends starting having families etc, I just kept waiting for the right moment but it never came.

It's coming up to our anniversary soon and its just pushed to the front all my feelings and I really don't know how to deal with it. On the flip side I do know how I'm going to deal with when I find out she's dating again which is even scarier.

I wish I knew how to start rebuilding my life as I see her doing it with ease and I see she is happy and it just cuts me to pieces.

When you are with someone for a long time, it's going to take some adjusting and time to heal from that. It sounds like you are depressed because of the situation..maybe you could try counseling. It helps to get your feelings out and try to change your way of thinking. I know this because I'm currently doing just that. Although my issues are not about my breakup, it still helps. I too was with someone for a long time and even though we weren't very emotionally close, it still hurt badly afterwards. Having a life plan only to have it crapped on can leave you guessing..what next. It can get better, even if you don't see that right now.

Thanks Okiedokes, I haven't tried counseling or anything although I did try anti-depressants which was horrendous and after an incident in which I nearly did something very stupid, I came straight off them.

I think the feeling is definitely one of having the rug pulled from under me. It never once occurred to me that I wouldn't be spending the rest of my life with her and oddly that was the general thoughts that everyone around us had too.

I feel so much better now just coming on here and rabbling on a bit, I think I just needed to vent a bit! I've tried talking to my best friend but he's an odd character, love him to bits but I just don't think he gets what I'm going through as he's one of those guys who has very little interest in women and would rather play in computer.

I was with my ex for close to 5 years. I'm not sure if that's considered long but it was to me... during that whole time, I never once asked for a break up. He did. Many times... I kept overlooking all the red flags and remained in that box and I didn't know how to get out. For a long time then, during the relationship - I thought, either we make it, or my life ends. But it was hard to make it.. so I attempted suicide. I couldn't see life without him. In a way, I was in a box too - but just different story line from yours.

What helped me make that move to decide to get out of a toxic relationship? A lot of talk from people on forums (not here unfortunately cos I was not allowed to come here for some reason) and I saw a therapist. A lot of things I couldn't see myself, they were able to bring to my attention.

My point is - put yourself out there. Don't keep to yourself. The more you talk to other people about what you're going through, the more it'll help motivate you to keep going. And what Okiedokes said about counselling, yeah no harm in that I suppose, but only if you believe in seeking help there otherwise I think it's a lost cause. I've known people who just don't believe in counselling, and no matter how much counselling they go through, it won't help cos they don't want to get help from there.

That other point I'm making is that, the only person who can get you out of that box, Jim, is yourself. Don't underestimate the power of your mind. If you decide to think things differently and change your perceptions in life, it will do wonders for you. But you take it slow, don't push yourself. Different people take different time in healing and moving on from a break up.

Keep positive and keep strong. Keep your chin up and go out there, do things that make you happy or content or things that make you feel good or accomplished. Go back to the gym, it helps release all that tension that might linger in you.

Good luck.. we're here for you if you ever need motivation to keep on going. *hugs*

This is a natural part of breaking up with someone, people react differently really but it shows you had strong feelings for her, it sounds like you're just so used to being around your ex.

It's difficult to get any of the motivation back, but it will come back eventually, just like the rest of your life, it looks poo now but just give it time, I would have thought the gym would be a good place to forget about her also.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

I'm stuck inside my house and can't work out how to get out.

Recently moved out of my home as I split up with my girlfriend. This place doesn't feel like my home and it never will, i hate it but all I do is sit in it. I work long hours so I don't have to face reality but when I do, it just drags me down.

The real problem is, I can't remember what makes me happy or what even entertained me. I just sit there watching TV. I don't even have the motivation to play a computer game, I quit the gym, I won't go out with my friends and I can't rely on my family.

What chance is there for me to ever make someone else happy if I can't even make myself happy?

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I like to respond with analogous anecdotes, but generally people don't understand analogy, so they view the story as derailing rather than giving advice using a similar situation. If so, kinda disregard this, but hopefully, you can glean something out of it.

Aside from moving around alot (my dad's a priest), and having to work and fight to adjust to a new area, making new friends (good but then they get pulled away from me when we move) and finding a job (hopeless, "it's not what you know but who you know" are my dad's words and even if I did have enough knowledge to get hired just on that, I'm a shy shell-shocked person who doesn't know anyone), primarily I've tried to form meaningful relationships with the opposite sex.

Yes, I say meaningful. I don't enough about sex for a one-night stand, I want strong bonds with someone. I'd want someone who can go shopping with me (I'm a crossdresser, as mentioned in the LGBT thread, but besides that I'm big into books, movies, and rpg games, the latter of which has gone into planned obsolescence and the other two are likely to follow thanks to @&*# Nooks and Kindles, not to mention we don't have Blu-Ray), who I can talk about it if I had a crappy day, who I can travel with (travel is the one constant in my life, so I like to do it, but travelling alone is kinda nerve-wracking, since you have to be wary of falling asleep when it's just you), and talk with (and other stuff like cuddling).

Unfortunately, I had a nasty "breakup" with a girl right after college. Or rather, we were never boyfriend and girlfriend, I kept trying to get her to leave her crappy boyfriend who started a bar room brawl (yes, seriously, who does that?) and got put in prison. Because moving around has made me desperate for company, I get clingy and weird when people are about to leave, and tend to attract people who are in primary (got a boyfriend) or secondary (no boyfriend, but "married" to the family/job) relationships and thus unavailable.

So anyway, some girl I sorta like decides to make herself completely scarce because she gets creeped out by the fact that I need love and a sense of connection from someone like most people need water. So after college, I sort of drift for awhile, no job, no sense of purpose. I get a job or two, but these jobs generally turn abusive (they want work on days I'm not willing to allow (since we didn't agree to it), and pester and prod me when I don't, trying to get me to leave on my own will, I generally won't since I want to belong there). But generally, yea, I'm stuck at home most of my daylight hours.

The important thing is, don't let years pass. This place is okay as a home base, but try to answer "What is it I like to do?" For me, it was gardening and volunteer work. Which kinda... doesn't help me at all financially.

Is there a support group for people with depression in your area that you can attend? It would help for getting feedback on whats going on in your life right now, and also to hear about other people struggling with life changes and stresses.

Whatever you're doing right now, when you can, try to change the energy. Go for a walk, or picture yourself going for a walk, if that seems too much for you right now. Drink lots of water and stay away from junk food, ingest only things that are good for your body. Think of yourself as trying to "get well" over an illness: grieving takes up a lot of energy, and not releasing the frustration and sadness can cause you harm.

/I've done all the above
//I did collages, for crying out loud, for my heartbreak

if you're stuck in a box, try to remove the flaps on top to get out :/

Nice But Dim Jim said:

I think the feeling is definitely one of having the rug pulled from under me. It never once occurred to me that I wouldn't be spending the rest of my life with her and oddly that was the general thoughts that everyone around us had too.

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This is how I explained the feeling I had to a friend this morning. I am only two weeks post break up, not my choice but you can't force someone to stay. I am so sorry you have had to experience this. It sucks. Really really sucks.

Keep reaching out to people, your mate, to people here on this forum, whomever. And even tho it feels like no one will ever replace them, I have to hope it just isn't true. I have to hope someone out there will appreciate you and me someday.

These guys can relate...

^ hehe. I want a cat! Will try this

WildernessWildChild said:

These guys can relate...

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Monty!!!

I want a cat too.

LonelyLola said:

Keep reaching out to people, your mate, to people here on this forum, whomever. And even tho it feels like no one will ever replace them, I have to hope it just isn't true. I have to hope someone out there will appreciate you and me someday.

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Unfortunately after 6months, I don't feel right still talking about this to friends etc as *I think* I should have gotten over it by now.....it's even seeming a bit pathetic to me. I'm tired of being on a downer and bringing other people down with me. I hate myself for still loving her when I know she doesn't love me or even want anything to do with me, it actually makes me feel very stupid.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

I should have gotten over it by now.....it's even seeming a bit pathetic to me. I'm tired of being on a downer and bringing other people down with me. I hate myself for still loving her when I know she doesn't love me or even want anything to do with me, it actually makes me feel very stupid.

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No. There is no fixed time frame to say when you should get over someone. Each person deals with break-ups differently. Some people takes years, or even never. It's how you feel about it, and your choice comes to play too at some point.

There really is nothing wrong with mourning a lost love. Take your time to heal and move on, but just make sure that you don't stagnate and drown yourself in misery for it. Work on healing and work on making yourself feel better.

I once thought that I could never love more than once and I was wrong. You feel differently for different people you're in love with.. and you might just find more passionate love in someone else.