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LifeIsElusive

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Yeah, so Im a guy and I live in north carolina and go to school at a university in raleigh. Things feel pretty dismal all the time. I've got great grades and free time to spare but, like many people on this site I presume, I don't really have any friends. Let me tell you a little about my self and situation if you're interested in reading. So there are many things coming to a head right now in my life that are less than stellar. I've lived in the area my whole life. Had a really great girlfriend through most of high school from which we broke up (it was mostly my stupidity but no need to get into that.. its a learning experience... whatever.). I of course had friends that were shared friends but I happened to get in a fight with them at the time and pretty much lost all contact with anyone for my last semester of high school. It wasn't as bad as it sounds since I did talk to some people and somewhat made brief friendships until then I had another girlfriend pretty soon after the breakup with my long term relationship, but this oneI liked just as much. Unfortunately,that one didn't last =/ and was kind of a major heart-breaker leaving me alone my first year of college. It was a combo of my overbearingness and her horrid communication skills, but again.. its in the past.. despite the fact that I still try to text her to hangout because the last time I was happy with my life was the time I was with her.

So there I am my first year in college not knowing anyone because I spent welcome week being with my girlfriend and so I spend the rest of that semester suffering through awkward passes in the hallway and filling the emptiness with 12 hour days of school and studying... Naturally I got burned out and switched my major from engineering to biology.. a little more laid back and less thought provoking.. at least for intro courses.. Now almost a junior but have spent the past 2 years of my college experience... we'll.. feeling pretty shitty about my whole college experience, my lack of relationships, and lack of direction.

The two years so far have really been very poor when it comes to my social life. I've tried to go out and meet people and do so with moderate success, but it never turns into a real friendship where I become part of the group and get invited to go do things. So after a while those people I met drift back to being strangers and makes passing them by awkward at times. Even when I invite them to go to dinner ( I think they know I don't really have any friends) or anything I usually don't get a willing response... or they're going with their friends and we can "meet up" at the place. It just never works out and people never seem to find me superficially interesting enough to get to know me. It's really frustrating and also blows holes in my self-esteem. There were times in my school career where I was that cocky kid with all the friends and now I'm the guy nobody knows and doesn't remember my face (or they pretend to). I used to date really pretty girls, but now I can't even befriend the moderately attractive ones.. I don't understand why I don't make new friendships.. I'm a really cool guy with very unique interests and not one to go along with fads, but I don't do anything crazy either, I'm just a really chill dude.

For a while I went to the gym and would run almost every day, and I started doing some rock climbing, met a girl.. got shot down.. what's new. It worked for a while but the rejection just made me stop working out and exercising kind of lost some of its initial positivity effect that I felt originally as if I was going somewhere with my life or helping shape the person I wanted to be.. in reality I see I have a million other problems.

So the reason I'm writing all this is mainly provoked by this past and upcoming week. One of my best friends (I have 2 friends that I befriended in 4th grade which I still hangout with whenever possible) tried to kill himself this past week. Fortunately he is a fuckup and failed, but that's just more stress to deal with. Yeah, I'm mad at him and it's going to be a major pain in the ass to try and turn his head around. He pisses me off for doing all this bull and it's all over a stupid girl too. I would think about suicide during that one year of pure loneliness in college but was never actually serious about the act.. it was more of a mental comforting mechanism in a sick way I guess. I mean that one year I literally had weeks where I don't think I even spoke a word, wrote a text, or had a notification on facebook.. it was horribly lonely. Now I'm not much better. I have small convos every now and then but its usually initiated by me.. and isn't very long.

Beside my stupid friend, in a few days its going to be my 21st birthday. I feel like crying even writing this. My life just seems so pathetic, so sad. I'm about to be 21 and haven't accomplished anything significant (I won't say I never will because I don't want a self-fulfilling prophecy). My social life belongs in the toilet and I just don't see happy days as I get older. College is supposed to be one of the greatest times in peoples lives..but its just one of the most painfully numb and isolating experiences I've had so far with 2 years to go. But anyways for my birthday I think it'll just be my mom, sister, and her boyfriend to probably go to dinner somewhere with me. I can't say I'm really excited, so I should probably cry tonight and tomorrow so I can get through my birthday faking it. Honestly, I don't feel there is much in my life to celebrate, sure my 2 good friends and mom and sister but.. its not adequate to fulfill my personal needs.
I need love in my life, I'm a romantic guy. Maybe it was easier to find love back then because I played football and lacrosse, so besides my sick skills (joking, although I started football) my body probably looked a little more buff.

In reality I think people just recognize I'm a lonely person and take on the "I don't want to deal with that" or "there must be something wrong with him" attitudes. I just don't fit in. I'm going skydiving soon though so at least if I die people will remember me as being adventurous. Idk, I feel like I've analyzed this box I'm in for a long long time.. it doesn't seem to be decaying anytime soon.

Thanks,


^^I'm probably not supposed to post this here.. but sorry, forgive the noobs they just want to be heard
 
Welcome. Your whole life is ahead of you and it can be scary. It is shitty that your college experience feels lesser because of the friends thing, but know that if you work hard and concentrate on the education, you can get an awesome job and you will make friends there.

Otherwise, the drama going ones tough. I had an ex threaten to kill himself when I was 21 and we were breaking up. I called his family and didn't deal with it myself, as I wouldn't play into his issues. But suicide threats and attempts are serious and those people do need your love,. You just have to protect yourself.

People here are wonderful. Hey welcome you and give you straight answers and tell silly jokes. I love it.
 
Hi there,

First of all, welcome. I think so many of us can identify with your experiences and I hope we can support you through this.

I'm so sorry about your best friend trying to commit suicide. I can totally relate to that because someone very close to me attempted it once too. I can imagine how helpless you're probably feeling. Truth is, I have no idea what we can do, other than constantly show our friend that we're there for them, and always checking in on them even if they don't respond. I know its tough to put on a positive, happy face when we are so miserable ourselves, but perhaps it might help them to kind of feed off our energy. I hope your friend feels better soon.

And hey, don't worry about things being tough in college. The truth is, only a fraction of people have it awesome, like how the media portrays it to be. I've also heard this saying that the friends we keep are those we meet in college, but reality is that people change, regardless of where you meet them or how, there's no guarantee that people will stick around, or that we will for that matter.

Still, I can understand that its not easy to battle loneliness, but hang in there okay. Things could be better when you start working, or even later. Plus it sounds like you have a lot of other things going for you, you're good looking, intelligent, have a family that cares, and perhaps with time, other areas of life will improve too. You seem to not be the type to just give up, which is great =).

Anytime you feel like you need a helping hand, don't hesitate to post something or pm. Hugs
 
Well I'm already feeling the love, lol. Just that fact that someone replied made me feel really good and wow I feel no judgement! And you're right about not giving up. Eventually you get so lonely you force yourself to make changes even if their consistency fluctuates. I think the fact that I'm an idealist and a dreamer help me trudge along. I hope everyone gets what they want in the endd.

So just as a question from one of the things said above, why do you still feel lonely/use this site if you know that you'll find friends when you begin working? I assume this is from personal experience? Not to be all up in your business though haha.
 
Hi there LifeIsElusive. I can relate an awful lot to your post, so I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm reaching the end of my college career (I'm 23) and lets just say the last couple of years have been a doozy. Within the first couple of months (of my first year) I lost my best friend, my high school friends, let myself get involved in bad relationships, was bullied by roommates and others on my floor, took a couple of semesters off, failed a lot of classes, and transferred schools. I crash landed at the place I attend now, but I have been friendless for the last four years or so. I get upset often thinking that college was supposed to be "the best years of my life" and it was a pretty awful time. Birthdays and holidays such as New Years are really the worst. I'm skipping my graduation ceremony because it will just be too sad and lonely of a day. Its difficult, but I'm realizing that I can put college behind me and look forward to starting life as a young adult, out in the world.You are definitely not alone in this, and I hope being here on this forum will help you get through the hard times.
 
LifeIsElusive said:
Yeah, so Im a guy and I live in north carolina and go to school at a university in raleigh.

hey neighbor. I'm over in Cary, right next door.
Welcome to the club here at this site.
 
Hey there, welcome to the forum. I agree with a lot of what the other posters said. *hugs*
 
Thanks you all, today was a little hectic as my friend got released from the mental hospital.. wanted to repeat his actions and I had to go to the magistrate and get an IVC. I've done all I can so I hope it all turns out okay and he can be kept somewhere until he chooses he wants to get better. But on the bright side I built a beehive today! I'm really excited about that and only one week until I skydive. So afraid but thrilled at the same time =] Love you all
 
LifeIsElusive said:
Thanks you all, today was a little hectic as my friend got released from the mental hospital.. wanted to repeat his actions and I had to go to the magistrate and get an IVC. I've done all I can so I hope it all turns out okay and he can be kept somewhere until he chooses he wants to get better. But on the bright side I built a beehive today! I'm really excited about that and only one week until I skydive. So afraid but thrilled at the same time =] Love you all

You seem like a friend people are lucky to have. I hope your friend will realize that someday.


AutumgGypsy said:
Hi there LifeIsElusive. I can relate an awful lot to your post, so I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm reaching the end of my college career (I'm 23) and lets just say the last couple of years have been a doozy. Within the first couple of months (of my first year) I lost my best friend, my high school friends, let myself get involved in bad relationships, was bullied by roommates and others on my floor, took a couple of semesters off, failed a lot of classes, and transferred schools. I crash landed at the place I attend now, but I have been friendless for the last four years or so. I get upset often thinking that college was supposed to be "the best years of my life" and it was a pretty awful time. Birthdays and holidays such as New Years are really the worst. I'm skipping my graduation ceremony because it will just be too sad and lonely of a day. Its difficult, but I'm realizing that I can put college behind me and look forward to starting life as a young adult, out in the world.You are definitely not alone in this, and I hope being here on this forum will help you get through the hard times.

Life after college...........yeah....its extremely lonely. Gotta find ways to get involved or the loneliness will eat you alive.
 

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