41 years old and ready to die....shyness

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taocircle

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This is the most irritating forms of social anxiety there is out there because it is seen as such a child like symptom easy to conquer. It is not! I have lost so many jobs, because once co-workers see that I am shy, they think it is a reason to bring large amounts of disrespect. I also have people that want to be friends (I don't look shy) then look down on me for not being able to be more outgoing, or hold conversations. And the worst is for the fact that I study and train a form of kung fu that is close quarters combat (ving tsun), so once I get tired of the criticisms from others (co-workers, friends of friends, neighbors, etc.), my defense system kicks in and I become aggressive. So I look passive aggressive, not someone tired of disrespect. My unemployment is done and my emergency unemployment has been held up. So instead of living homeless, I am teaching myself how to tie a noose. I was always told that I would never make it on my own (too lazy, lack discipline, etc.), and now that I am truly on my own, I am the failure. I have not been in a relationship in over seven years, and it's not that I don't get offers, but my offers are from true nuts! I have tried so many times to work on myself esteem but being a black american, it is hard since we are our own worst enemy (yes Caucasians it is not your fault, but our own negativity). You are no longer respected being yourself in my sub-culture (American first and foremost), you are looked down upon when you don't dress, talk, and act like the rest-still at this age (I am not a nigga, and will never see myself as one, I am a man). So I am done, there is no God, and hopefully by the twenty-seventh of this month I will be gone....good luck to the rest of you (no one will read the thread for the length).
 
Don't give up like that man, if everyone treats you like crap just let them be, create your own happiness far away from those kinds of people.
There's plenty of people here that face similar situations each day, try talking with people, feel free to send me a PM if you want (if you don't mind me being half your age that is)
 
Stick around, there's lots of people here who can relate. Join in. What do you have to lose by trying?

Also Eve's post, please check it out.
 
taocircle, I read the whole post you wrote. Don't do it man.

If you stick around here long enough, you'll see that you're not the only one. Some people have found ways to get better, some have yet to, and some are still searching for ways because the only person who can make your life feel better is you.

Come on. Don't do it.
 
I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Of course we read everyone's posts since we do care for other people here. I am in a huge hole myself. I'm not talking down on you at all but for me suicide hasn't ever been an option so far. I like to think that I would do something almost as drastic before I would do that: pack up and move, heck, hitch a train with nothing on my back and see where life takes me. I KNOW easier said than done... I mean my social anxiety has kept me from even attempting to get a normal job. I guess I am naive to the options suicidal people face but isn't there someone you can call for help? Any doors you can walk through to get help? I know I am a dreamer, and that's what helps me get by when I'm depressed but I guess I just feel that if you can dream up how you want to be (within reason) there is technically a way to get there.
 
Hey, these people don't know you and they care. So do I.

You say you don't have discipline, but studying a marial art definitely takes discipline. Hold n to your training and throw yourself into it. Just because you are shy, doesn't make you lesser.
 
You can start again. I do it all the time. It can be exciting. Go to a new place where there will be less expectation and you will be more able to express your true self? I feel suicidal a lot and it's hard to live with but I don't think I would ever do it. Try a clean slate?


And there are positive black male stereo-types that you can conform to if you feel you want to be viewed as part of a "group". Not All the stereo-types are negative.


You have a black president now. That must mean something?


Come to the UK and tell everyone you're Canadian. lol. Loads of people do that. You'll love it here.


And what about the logistics? If the length of the rope isn't correct for body weight blah blah blah... Loads of attempts go wrong, just like attempts at life? Isn't it better to make an attempt at life and mess it up than to make an attempt at death and mess that up? Don't do it dude. I'm 41 also and I get suicidal a lot and I read the whole post and I do care just like the other posters.
 
Life can always get better. That is the beauty of life.

I don't know how to relate to your post somewhat, because I am white. But I understand about true nuts only being the ones on the market. Please message me if you want to talk more, but please stop thinking about hurting yourself. People will miss you.
 

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