My goodbye thread

Time's up for me here. I've had a wonderful time while it lasted, but the state in which i feel the forum has changed into now, i cannot complete the goal i came here for. Recently, two other people, gondwanaland and ucxb also left, without really saying so, or well, not that i heard of, that is. I'm quite the opposite, i tend to make alot of drama, unintenionally though.

About three and a half months ago i came here. Back then, i was still in my depressed/suicidal state, but i knew what i had to deal with, and that was loneliness. After a certain situation, i decided to set myself a goal to complete, and that goal was "to be able to live completely alone without the negative feelings of loneliness." A forum with other lonely people seemed like a good idea to me, so off to google i went. Found this, registered, etc. etc.

Couple of days later, this post changed my life for the better. Advice i already heard countless times, but was, for some reason, only now listening and fully understanding it. Or just for the first time willing to change into that. After that it all went pretty smoothly and i met new people, notably lua and sigma, the latter of which i still talk to daily. (<3) Former left to a foreign country for school and barely has time, oh well.

Anyway, at first i simply posted a thread about my goal and asked for advice there, but the general consencus is that such a way of living is either wrong, undesirable, or impossible. Yes, being social is human nature. And humans could never fly, and all that. So i had to look for other ways to achieve this goal. So i got in contact with a handful of people and tried forming friendships. I believe every human being has something to teach anyone. And i did learn stuff. Also just needed the social interaction, ironically. It generally went well for a while.

Had ups and downs when it came to friendships, but it generally was alright. At some point i started feeling more alienated from the forum, and thought i had to involve myself more. I also figured i needed something clearer to reach my goal, and focused on learning about how to not give a **** about what other random people think. Once again i just plainly made a thread about it, since i thought this was more normal and acceptable. Helpful responses, general concensus seemed to be that you just do it. Alright, time for me to train that.

Around this time i decided to take a little break from the forum to reflect on what to do next as well, i don't remember if it was before or after the giving damns thingy. Either way, alot of things changed, most notably, my previous "i will never tell anyone any song i listen to because it's sacred to me" dissapeared. Though i'm still cautious with really important songs, i do share alot more easily. Probably some other colourful stuff happened but i forgot.

The feelings of alienation increased, and admittidly, my involving-myself-more efforts weren't of a high enough magnitude. I started feeling jealous since i felt i was just one tree in the forest, expendable. This all despite the fact that i was practically revered by some, which was being made clear at every possible occasion. So what was it that i missed? Self confidence, of course. This whole not giving a **** about what others think didn't really go well, obviously. But is it really the same? Fearing you're just another member/person as opposed to not caring what others think. I don't think so.

I managed to largely eliminate the jealousy, and leaving this site behind will do the last part i think. I still have pretty much all people i've been close with on an external messaging system of some sort. And if not, i'll make sure to try to stay in touch with people i like during the following week.

That's what it's going to take, i think, i'll post this thread, and stay on here for a week to see responses/feedback/death threats/ban hammers/rants to this thread.

So yeah, now to the thank you, this is going to take a while as i'll mention everyone i want to thank individually and probably with the reasons and all as well. You can just cntrl + f your username.

I want to thank my parents for - no, not like that.

I'll start at the beginning, with sorandom, who posted that one reply that changed my life. I gave you a reputation for this already, changes are you're not reading this anymore, considering your last post date, but oh well. This is why i love you.

Lua, you were pretty much the first close friend i got on here, and probably one of the first real friends i talked about stuff other than honeysuckle with. I'll never forget you. This is why i love you.

Sigma, oh that was quite funny. Your posts just always cracked me up like no other, so i was trying to get into contact with you for a while, but i thought you disliked me. Another one of those silly insecurities of me. Eventually i made a connecting thread in which i made sure i replied in such a manner that i had a valid reason to PM you. I met lua with that thread as well, good stuff, i'll bump it just before i go, for the hell of it. Anyway, it's obvious you're much more than dry humor and sarcasm, and you're a very valuable friend to me still.

Now i'm realising it will just take too much space to mention and talk about everyone individually. Two choices, delete the three mentioned above and go on, or go on like this. I'll choose the latter i think.

People i got to know during my time here, in no particular order: Edward W, 9006, Veruca, Ladyforsaken, BrokenInside, Psycho Love (i still want to get in touch with you again!), Greenbird, Zoe1992, Littlesecret, Woz, LonelyLola, Gondwanaland, quintus (i'll message you too, not going to leave you behind!), NoRain (good luck in Canada heyy, take care!!), aspalas (good luck at the art school man!), Becca-92, farawayfille, Simple Bob, Lady X (i still really really fear you don't like talking to me, you're an awesome person to me though, guess i'll message you too, hope you don't mind!), LoneKiller (you're alot like me, caring, worried about his image on here, follows his code of honour, i really like you), JustALonelyGuy (stay yourself man, don't let the people get to you!), CAS, Poguesy, Charliegirl6, and last but certainly not least, Perfanoff.

Thanks to all of you from the bottom of my heart, since each and every one of you attributed to shining bright light in my life, and i really appreciate that.

Furthermore, i know i mentioned this couple of times of already, but i just feel like mentioning you again, SophiaGrace. You just remind me alot of the most important and best friend i ever had. Feel free to call the cops for me being so creepy. :$

I also just wanted to say that Gondwanaland leaving like that really hurt. I considered her a close friend of mine, and it seems like that was mutual, i have my ideas on why she left, but it was an arrow in the heart. Time to practise the moving on abilities again, i suppose. Anyway, if you're reading this, i really miss you.

**** this honeysuckle's long. Yeah, not sure if it was clear before, but me leaving is because of the percieved change in atmoshpere on the forum here, the warm caring feeling is gone for me. It's now certainly not the best place for me to achieve my goal. So why not go away temporarily? I can't, i just feel like i have to move on to something else. I learned and experienced so much here, time to appreciate all that, before the quality of my posts go even worse down and the memories of this place get more tianted.

I won't delete my account though, as proposed by 9006 and sigma. But i hope i won't come back. (as in, hope moving on works as planned and don't have a setback).

Yeah, i guess that's it. It's been a real honour being part of this communitiy as it once was.

- Rose

EDIT: Something that's just me is that when writing long things such as this, i tend to forget alot i wanted to write down, might be useful to keep in mind. Perhaps not.

I will miss you, in the short time we were on together I got to know you a little and admired you a lot, when I first checked your profile I was surprised by your age, you had a maturity and wisdom I had expected in a much older person.

Although I will miss you, I respect your decision and the fact that you know what you want and are making the choice to get there.

I have your email (have sent you one back but had no reply, just want to check it got through okay and you have mine), so I hope to stay in touch.

Thanks for saying goodbye as well, just in case G and UXCB lurk here I missed them going as well.

I wish you luck for every success in your life and goals, somehow I don't think you'll need it, but I do anyway.

Goodbye. Sucks that you are leaving even though I don't really know you.

I believe most people feel a little left out at some point on the forums. Other people join and then leave just as you start getting to know them. It happens. Everyone is expendable, and everyone can and will be replaced eventually. You get used to it. No one is special. You get used to people randomly disappearing or ignoring your messages. It seems like you did a lot for being a member for such a short time. Ultimately just a small blip on the forum's timeline though.

Good luck.

Somehow I feel like I've missed out on something important here. Good luck on your endeavors, and maybe stop in time to time?

I'm sorry you're leaving. Best of luck to you.

I don't really feel that the forum has changed all that much, in fact I thought it had gotten better...but maybe I am seeing it through rose tinted glasses. I can certainly name forums that are much, much worse.

Take care Rose, I never spoke to you outside the public forums but I always liked your posts. As for sorandom's post, I think that's exactly what I need to practice a bit. I've been there before I can get there again. The only thing I'm unsure of is just how much of the way we feel/lack of a honeysuckle we give is due to a conscious effort within ourselves, or just naturally tiring of being a wimp. You can't motivate nature.

I'm sort of wondering about the specifics of the forum atmosphere changing, whether this is just your general vibe of the place or if you've gotten to know some people a bit too well or breached one of the cliques, whatever...

Well anyway, all the best

Aww, now I have even less people to talk to on the forums D:
Just FYI, if you go AWOL on Skype too I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN

...

Just sayin'

Also:

Cya.

Take care!!

ilios said:

Take care!!

Click to expand...

I knew i forgot something, i was thinking alot about what to write about you. That doesn't sound very nice, does it? Oh well.

Either way, i wanted to wish you the best of luck as well. You've been on the forum alot since you joined, and you seem like a really cool person to me. Believe it or not. I hope you can give your insecurities a kick in their ass some day, you really deserve to be without those.

I just want to say, good luck in your life. I mean it.

Rosebolt,

You kinda told me this was coming, I didn't think you were talking about it being so soon.

I can understand what your referring to about the forum, I suppose it has changed in recent times, but what stays the same, really? I've always thought that once people get used to one thing, and develop an emotional connection to it, change comes across as a negative thing, and this is something that happens quite often.

I also spoken to Gondwanaland and ucxb, quite often, actually, and yes it is sad when people like this leave, especially someone who you feel that you have some form of connection with, who's supportive, and friendly, but again, things change, people will come & go, this is a part of life. It's not being apathetic, it's all down to how you handle these things.

It's great that you found help from the forum, I think it's a good thing, and it sends a positive message out there that places like this do help people, maybe the more discreet people reading this will be encouraged to post.

I'm sorry that you feel you have to leave the forum, feeling left out isn't a nice feeling, I know you had connections to different people, but consistency is a rare thing, people, circumstances and times change, I would advise you to find a way or method to be able to handle this, as life (in many different ways) isn't consistent, it's good to be able to handle variations that aren't welcome. I think the atmosphere is something that varies day to day, one minute people are raging in threads and getting banned, the next there's threads appearing describing very intense emotional feelings, there's so many people in one place it's bound to vary, but then this is another example of inconsistency.

Cheers for the mention and I still standby the decision to keep your account, if there's any change in the future and you decide to come back, it's a decision you'll be glad you made, an I'll probably still be here - just check the **** game section!

Well anyway, hope you find everything you're looking for, good luck!

Oh Rosebolt, I am sorry that you have had these feelings, but I count myself lucky that you were he when I found this place. Like Edward I was surprised when I learned your age, because you are so much older, it seems. But you, with some of the other people here, were instrumental in saving my life. Thank you. I hope you have success, and find happiness.

I'll be bugging you on Skype!

I shall miss your sexually arousing posts.

Thanks for not forgettin me Rosebolt! I too, am not deleting my account but Im gonna take a break for a time, short or long? Im not sure. Noones done anythin wrn here. Also, I, feeling alientated and up and own so much its unfair for people to see someonewho seems so 'jekyl and hyde'.

Goodbye, Rosebolt

I didn't talk to you much but I wish you the best in your future endeavours

Rosebolt i am not gonna forget you my bro!
I used to read your posts but i never cared to visit your profile until you PMed me one day. It was about avatar, you remember? That was the first time i noticed you seriously, visited your profile and was surprised to see your age (you sound much wiser than your age) and it went on. I was always late to respond you, you were a bit insecure in the beginning but you learned by the time that i was just like that (lazy gal ). A few days later i saw you on "faces" thread and believe me, it was a great pleasure You know, you have got good instincts. You understand others, have good sense of humor, forgive quickly and the best one is that you stand up for your friends!
I know you are going through a rough phase, i think all of us are, in one way or another! I really wish that you get out of it soon and achieve your goal *hugs*
You once hinted about it but i had never thought that it would be so early! I wish i could stop you, i really hate "goodbyes"
I understand your concern about the forum but i must say that if you want to see the change (a positive one) then you should be the part of this change!
I am glad that you are not deleting your account. Your sis really hopes that you would PM her, once in a while!
Stay blessed!

Many of us have come and gone then come back again, it's a thing.

Good luck, Rosebolt!

I cannot even begin to think of what to word here. This literally makes me want to cry. But I'm gonna try not to - because I'm at work. But honeysuckle.. what the hell?

Nevermind, I need to deal with this.

I'll write something better when I can put these thoughts in place and write a not so emotional piece because I know that when I do, tears will not be held back - for some reason. Don't even question why it matters so much.