Why does this make us feel relevant?

I posted this in the what are you thinking thread, but since that thread isn't really for repsonses, I thought I'd post it here to see what others thought....

Why does it make (some) people feel more relevant if they matter to someone else?

Why do some of us feel relevant, or feel that we "matter" if someone else loves us, likes us, cares about us or even just respects us?
I'm curious to know what others think.

For some people it's probably to know that their existence means something or so they don't have to go through life feeling invisible like a ghost.

Great question Eve- my kind of thread.

I look at it quite simply- the best of me is brought out when I have someone else to care for. When I'm by myself I often feel that I'm just existing but when I'm with someone I care about I often feel that they bring meaning to life. Having just a few moments of someone's undivided attention and knowing at that moment it's just about them and myself is very moving for me.

There's more to it than that of course but that's when I feel most relevant.

Because it means I'm more than just a collection of bones, squishy innards, and thoughts that affects nothing other than itself and then turns to dust.

Some people feel the need for validation of being the way they are.

For me, it's because having other people that acknowledge and like you is a very unique thing, even though it comes so easily and plentifully to a lot of people (and at least is in sufficient quantity to even more). It's very difficult to be truly autonomous and alone, as we endure interaction with other people to buy food and other things. It's something we're all aware of, and are constantly reminded of.

As for the real "why," well, probably some evolutionary trait that makes us social creatures and all that. As a previous poster put it, it means that we matter to someone else, plain and simple. That we're accepted in this world to some level. And this probably goes back to the biological aspect of it, and also a healthy dose of how we're raised. So nature and nurture.

Personally, I think it's because we would all like to believe that someone actually does care. Makes us feel special and/or important to know that something else things of us... and I say something, rather than someone, because pets can most definitely show they care.

The search for relevancy is a very human characteristic.

Do animals seek to be relevant to others? Not so much, I'd say. A lion is happy if it can eat its fill every day and fresia enough hot lady lions to pass on its genes. There are a few animals that could display a need for relevancy -- and generally they are the more intelligent animals; dolphins, dogs, etc.

As for meaningful contact between humans ("mattering" to someone)... it's a very concrete, tangible way to prove to oneself that we are relevant.

Badjedidude said:

Do animals seek to be relevant to others? Not so much, I'd say. A lion is happy if it can eat its fill every day and fresia enough hot lady lions to pass on its genes. There are a few animals that could display a need for relevancy -- and generally they are the more intelligent animals; dolphins, dogs, etc.

Click to expand...

The funny thing is a lot of lonely people probably can't even get as much as the lion does in your example. Food maybe, since that's easy to buy even without much money (though not necessarily healthy food), but most can't even get the physical intimacy and pleasure that sex provides.

el Jay said:

The funny thing is a lot of lonely people probably can't even get as much as the lion does in your example. Food maybe, since that's easy to buy even without much money (though not necessarily healthy food), but most can't even get the physical intimacy and pleasure that sex provides.

Click to expand...

Not if they follow human codes of morality, no.

But lions don't have such moral codes. If a male lion wants sex, he may force himself upon a female lion. Would we consider that to be rape in the same sense as a human male raping a human female? Probably not.

Maybe the desire for affection is for people an end by itself. It does help that people who don't have that desire (namely psychopaths) are quickly marginalized by society and terminated or at the very least disallowed to have progeny. Social evolution at its finest.

EveWasFramed said:

I posted this in the what are you thinking thread, but since that thread isn't really for repsonses, I thought I'd post it here to see what others thought....

Why does it make (some) people feel more relevant if they matter to someone else?

Why do some of us feel relevant, or feel that we "matter" if someone else loves us, likes us, cares about us or even just respects us?
I'm curious to know what others think.

Click to expand...

Its in our nature. We were made to care for each other. Its how we survive. Its the true purpose of life, to love and be loved.

If I died tomorrow only one or two people would know and care. Knowing that I don't have an effect on anyone's life or the world makes everything I do seem pointless. What good is happiness if it can't be shared?

I think it's about having a purpose. We all want to feel useful right? Where many fail to sustain such a feeling with a career, it can be made up for with relationships. That's why some people are so focused on careers. It fuels their desires. For others that's not an option.

It is part of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

I don't think it should, but I can understand why that would make other feels relevant, myself included.

I think it's because people are always searching for something bigger than them, but I think we get so caught up in it that we lose ourselves to the quest and it starts becoming this thing where our value is balanced, because we get so caught up in how much we want it. No matter how fallacious the type of thinking is. And for some people, knowing there are so many people in the world with their own tastes, like/dislikes and goals, it's easy to feel.... meaningless, so we have to create meaning in others all for that quest to be something bigger than we are, so we are something meaningful.

I think it's okay to want to be something bigger than ourselves. I think it's human. I think it's necessary, but I don't think it something to determine our values on. You're supposed to succeed in your goals in life, not the other way around. Play the game, but don't let it play you!

Badjedidude said:

The search for relevancy is a very human characteristic.

Do animals seek to be relevant to others? Not so much, I'd say. A lion is happy if it can eat its fill every day and fresia enough hot lady lions to pass on its genes. There are a few animals that could display a need for relevancy -- and generally they are the more intelligent animals; dolphins, dogs, etc.

As for meaningful contact between humans ("mattering" to someone)... it's a very concrete, tangible way to prove to oneself that we are relevant.

Click to expand...

relevancy is important, but also remember the if you take a lion, a wolf, all the animals who live in groups away from the pack, they will suffer very much, sometimes die of heartbreak or die in the attempt of joining another pack who might or might not want them, so being with others is also a very powerful instinct, that might explain the feeling of relevancy