My theory on why smart guys struggle with women

If it is to be judged on this forum, and especially in geeky and nerdy circles, the smart intellectuals tend to struggle with women. I think I've come to a conclusion on why this is (and I'm discovering this in myself, so it's an eye opener.)

There are many reasons why smart guys struggle with women. Here are a few of them.

1. Smart guys tend to be socially awkward. This is a biggie. Social awkwardness tends to lead to poor jobs, poor conversations, and women in general like to have good conversations. If you struggle making conversation and holding down a job, how could you possibly care for her and provide financial stability?

2. Smart guys tend to aim for the top attractive women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. This is another biggie. It's great to have standards, but when you aim for the women who are incredibly attractive, here's a hint: they are also looking at members of the opposite sex who are also incredibly attractive. Aim lower.

3. Smart guys tend to have shallow interests. This is falling into number 1 as well. If all you can talk about is Star Wars and coding, you're going to struggle making friends, and you're going to struggle showing a girl that you're worth chasing.

4. Smart guys complain about how smart they are, and how nobody else likes them. It doesn't matter if you're Einstein, nobody likes someone who whines all the time. You could be a genius, and have everything else going for you, but if you don't believe in yourself, how will anybody else believe in you?

There, those are 4 good reasons why someone who is male would struggle with the opposite sex.

is it really worth it to re-hash this? how about making a list of REAL, TANGIBLE, ACHIEVABLE strategies to overcome shortcomings? And wtf is a top woman? Smells again of male hierarchy being placed on women...

Depends what you mean about the definition of a smart guy. I can speak about a certain type. Those that go to top-tier science schools and later on, mathematical science programs and professions, don't really rack up a lot of experience with women. Every institution and job I have ever been in has had at least a 4:1 ratio of guys to girls, often as much as 10:1. I can honestly say that I had no idea how to communicate with a woman at all until after my teens. And I probably still don't, hehe.

Add to that radically different interests and skillsets from the mainstream, the enhanced rational development at the expense of the interpersonal one, and top it off with the cherry of being introverted being a condition to succeed in science, and you get to the train wreck of a dating life this type of people get.

I wasn't talking about top in terms of personality, geez. Actually read what I wrote.

If you are an overweight nerd with glasses who sits behind a computer all day, you can't expect to get the cheerleader. She "may" take a chance on you, and lower her standards, but most often she is looking at the male models with googley eyes.

Top women aren't what I described. Someone who has a good personality, is intelligent, and is reasonably attractive is much better than a knockout who is a ditz and doesn't have anything going for them besides looks.

And perf, I guess I'm including computer geeks in that, because we don't tend to have a lot of girlfriends, if any at all. Spending time coding means that we like our alone time, and that, most of the time, leads to us not getting a lot of experience.

Then why put them on there/describe them that way? And why suppose that all men of this group go for those types of women? And why have you not given any concrete ideas on how to get through these stumbling blocks? Is this simply another complaining thread?

I described them as "the top attractive women."

Note, attractive.

A supermodel doesn't have to do anything but look good, but if you're just going after supermodels, you've got a problem. Aim for women who are like yourself, aka not supermodels.

You are twisting my words, I am trying to say something and you're making it about yourself.

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And if you're going to say "choose someone who is smart, intelligent, nice, kind, AND attractive"...

Please tell me where to find such a woman, because they seem to either be married, or a fairy tale.

Pretty sure you used the words "top women". And what does this have to do with myself? Explain that. You have also ignored my question about finding plausible ways of solving an issue rather than continually bringing up the problem every time I have asked. Again - what are ways to SOLVE these issues?

Top ATTRACTIVE women.

Jesus christ.

Even women have complained about how guys will only go for looks, and will ignore personality. I am repeating the same thing, and saying we do, and that we shouldn't.

Do you date women that are only good to look at, and are great in bed, but have terrible personalities? And, if so, how is that going for you?

You didn't answer my question, what does this have to do with myself? And once again, you haven't given any ways to solve these issues. Why not come up with ways to solve problems? Is it hard to answer these questions?

Are we not just coming up with excuses?

1. Smart guys tend to be socially awkward. This is a biggie. Social awkwardness tends to lead to poor jobs, poor conversations, and women in general like to have good conversations. If you struggle making conversation and holding down a job, how could you possibly care for her and provide financial stability?

Answer: Most smart guys develop social anxiety or are on the autistic spectrum. Someone should assist them with social skills, developing confidence with conversation, and being comfortable in crowds.

2. Smart guys tend to aim for the top women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. This is another biggie. It's great to have standards, but when you aim for the women who are incredibly attractive, here's a hint: they are also looking at members of the opposite sex who are also incredibly attractive. Aim lower.

Answer: They should aim for women who have good personalities, not just good looks. Really, did I have to point this out? It's a no-brainer, I even said it above.

3. Smart guys tend to have shallow interests. This is falling into number 1 as well. If all you can talk about is Star Wars and coding, you're going to struggle making friends, and you're going to struggle showing a girl that you're worth chasing.

Answer: Work on improving your interests. Take up new hobbies. Skydive. Do something exciting and unpredictable. Prove that you have depth to your personality.

4. Smart guys complain about how smart they are, and how nobody else likes them. It doesn't matter if you're Einstein, nobody likes someone who whines all the time.

Answer: Stop blaming the world, and blame the fault of your own actions on why you can't get women. It's not their fault, it's you.

Hmmm....it is an ok start. But you could do better. You've listed incredibly general strategies for solving the issues you've pointed out. What about something more specific for each solution?

The thing is, I am also describing myself. If I knew how to solve my own issues, I wouldn't have to pay for therapy sessions.

I am a 30 year old socially anxious virgin who has never kissed a girl. You seem to not post a lot, so you probably haven't seen my posts, but this is me trying to start a discussion on solving the issues that I, myself, am plagued with.

Just because someone doesn't post a lot doesn't mean they aren't involved in their own way. And you are working on your issues, that's all you can do *shrug* But I will say this, I don't think this is controversial as much as it belongs in Social Problems or Relationships.

It is controversial, because it is starting a debate on whether or not these issues do exist.

ghbarnaby2 is correct - this thread should be under Social Issues and I have moved it there.
This shouldn't be a "debate" as these kinds of issues OBVIOUSLY exist for many people.

This topic made me think of say... A policeman, and his life. I have known a few cops, and their life is hard. It is hard for the spouse too. The cop is always at risk. His schedule is demanding. This puts a toll on the wife. What about one that is still single? How is he going to find a partner. It's not easy to find someone who knows that any day the man of your life may be gone, just like that. So what's the solution? Not be the problem right? Oh wait, that means quit being the cop. But you can't do that right? Sure, YOU decided to be a cop, so YOU have to suffer the consequences right?

So.. since the OP chose to be a nerd/geek. He has to suffer the consequences right? It's not his fault, it's not the women's fault. But reality is what it is. Typical human behavior is typical human behavior. And one side can only do so much.

I understand the OP. The solution for ONE side has already been listed, all we can hope is that the OTHER side (as a whole, which will never happen, but it's not their fault) to see the nature of this issue and overcome it, together.

"Smart" guys, I think, would find a way to be with women despite their struggles.

Indeed. There's always chloroform.

Why does it matter if the dude is smart or not?