easter is coming why am I dreading it?

Hi everyone Just wondering if the holidays ever get any one down. I'm starting to dread the thought of what I'm going to do with myself if I end up alone (again) during another holiday. How do I accept the way things are without getting down?

It wasn't always this way.
I have happy memories from my childhood. I remember my mom decorating the house, baking goodies, taking us (my sisters and I) to church all dressed up. Later on, we'd have a big dinner with our uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents. Sometimes we'd even go to two houses. I was surrounded by lots of people and I felt like I belonged to something. Hugs and kisses and acting goofy with my cousins. It was fun.

Now , everything is so different. It's a long story, don't need to get into it now, but my mom and dad divorced when i was 17 and everything gradually fell apart after. I was left with my sisters and we tried staying close (or should I say I tried ) but even now my rel with them is growing further and further apart. (Believe me , not by my choice. They both know how I feel and how this situation saddens me, but I guess they are doing what they havve learned)

I get invited to my bf's family on the holidays, and believe me at first I was excited. But after a few times attending, I felt more and more on the outside lookin in. His mom and dad are nice. They are polite and cordial but I never felt totally connected to his sisters. He has four of them, two older and two younger. But, see , he has a twin brother IDENTICAL. They are very close and usually don't hang out with their sisters other than holidays. So, you see , this makes it even more difficult for me to get close to his sisters. They all love each other and are there for each other when needed. But, my bf doesn't hang out with them on a regular basis. Yes, I am close to his brother. It wasn't easy at first, but he finally let me in. But, it feels strange when all the girls are talking and I have no clue what they're talking about because they ARE close and see each other all the time and I'm on the outs. Oh well. It's me and the boys once again. I always feel like I'm trying and hoping they'll include me in some way. don't know why . So I can feel like I'm part of a family once more?

They don't let their guard down and loosen up either. It's not fun like at my familys get togethers were.
So, lately I haven't been going to his family's functions. I feel like what's the point .

Now everyone is going to tell me I should be glad I have somewhere to go but, really I'm not. Does anyone else feel alone like me?

ckpeace said:

It wasn't always this way.
I have happy memories from my childhood. I remember my mom decorating the house, baking goodies, taking us (my sisters and I) to church all dressed up. Later on, we'd have a big dinner with our uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents. Sometimes we'd even go to two houses. I was surrounded by lots of people and I felt like I belonged to something. Hugs and kisses and acting goofy with my cousins. It was fun.

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Oh, I have memories just like that. goofing around with cousins at different family's house-rs. We use to get the Easter eggs and me, mum, dad and sis all go to the seaside on Easter day. Now I don't even talk to my sis and ye every time I go to a family do I feel way out of place. My mum and dad are still together so its not about that for me. Just things changed somewhere along the line and I no longer feel welcome.

Holidays are the weirs. Bank holidays when every one is kicking back on hot days and your sate in alone. Sucks.

Also since this is your fist post all move it to the new members forum. I think it well be better there if that's ok

It's perfectly normal that you feel more lonely during the holidays, it's a period where ppl gather around the ones they care for, it's impossible to deny it, cuz it's everywhere. So why not take part in it, you have the oppurtunity to do so. Maybe this is not the company you were looking for, but it's actually very important that you go to those family things, if you don't go they'll start gossiping about you.