Making Others Uncomfortable

Almost everyone on here can related to feeling uncomfortable around others. I know I do. But does anyone feel they make others uncomfortable? This is something I've noticed getting worse in the last couple of years. I can't tell if I'm so uncomfortable that I must make others feel the same. I feel I bring out the worst in people sometimes. Even those closest to me, like my parents and my boyfriend, seem to act strangely around me. Even when I try my best to be outgoing,talkative, and positive, the other people I talk to seem to always react negatively to me. My mother for example, is the most outgoing, energetic and talkative person I've ever known. When she's alone with me though, she's always distant, quiet and distracted. My boyfriend is always at ease with other people, but when we're alone he gets awkward, blunt, and nervous. My grandfather and my father have also gotten awkward and distant around me. And forget about the rest of my extended family. They all treat me like I am a loser and always hold double standard. I'm tired of being treated differently from everyone else, but I can never figure out what I'm doing wrong to get these reactions. When this happens, I get so upset and discourage that I withdraw away from people or return to being quiet.

This post has mostly turned into a rant, but if anyone has advice or ideas I'd love to hear it.

I feel like that all the time. When I was younger, I didn't really fit in with anyone at all and I could see other children withdrawing from me. I've become VERY good over the years at feigning 'normality' during conversations with strangers, so as not to make them feel too uncomfortable, but those people closest to me see through that and always seem guarded and unsettled when they have to spend any length of time with me.

It seems like they're walking on egg shells all the time: modifying their behaviour so as not to damage my 'delicate' mental state. I'd much rather they just be themselves and discuss their worries with me.

To be honest, I do think that it is other people reacting to my own anxiety and discomfort when placed in social situations. The happier and less uncomfortable I become, the happier and more comfortable those around me seem to be.

Cavey said:

I feel like that all the time. When I was younger, I didn't really fit in with anyone at all and I could see other children withdrawing from me. I've become VERY good over the years at feigning 'normality' during conversations with strangers, so as not to make them feel too uncomfortable, but those people closest to me see through that and always seem guarded and unsettled when they have to spend any length of time with me.

It seems like they're walking on egg shells all the time: modifying their behaviour so as not to damage my 'delicate' mental state. I'd much rather they just be themselves and discuss their worries with me.

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That's exactly how I feel I wish I could understand why. And it blows my mind that these same people will actively seek me out to spend time with, but then act like this.

It's a good sign that they still seek you out: It shows that they care and know you're someone worth spending time with, even if they're not quite sure how to approach it.

I was much worse in my teens/early twenties and things have become progressively easier as I've aged. Hopefully that's of some comfort to you

They probably sense your insecurity and don't know how to relax around you. Try not to withdraw next time you feel this way.

rdor said:

They probably sense your insecurity and don't know how to relax around you. Try not to withdraw next time you feel this way.

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This, or perhaps you are projecting your own issues and reactions on them.

However, if not, and people do withdraw or feel uncomfortable around you, it's up to you to decide whether you want to act "normal" so that people will be comfortable around you, or just be yourself and wait for someone to care enough to see past your own insecurities.

The second choice is quite lonely. I suggest finding a balance of the first, perhaps finding some social confidence (not so easy, I know, but try 'faking it till you make it') and then not worrying if others are uncomfortable around you.

Cavey said:

It seems like they're walking on egg shells all the time: modifying their behaviour so as not to damage my 'delicate' mental state. I'd much rather they just be themselves and discuss their worries with me.

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i agree with this. we can look at other examples besides social awkwardness. perhaps someone who is easily emotionally hurt, takes everything personal - being a relative (or someone close) would you take extra effort to watch what you say to this person?

well, obviously nothing you say is to this person is meant to be personal. so the solution is for this person to realize its not personal, and therefore will not be hurt. And when the person is not easily hurt, people will start to speak normally to them and not "walking on egg shells".

in the end though.. it still takes both sides for it to work out. (as far as those that know you). as for exactly what to do (the process). i guess just keep trying to converse. and converse more, realize that their awkwardness is not done purposely.

Only when I talk about something "smart", people find it hard to be able to respond and/or talk about something else... apparently.

People either seem to be repelled by me or completely apathetic to my existence. Whenever I try to maintain a friendship it always feels one-sided.

9006 said:

Only when I talk about something "smart", people find it hard to be able to respond and/or talk about something else... apparently.

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Same here. I tend to rant about the things that I am most passionate about. Unfortunately most people either don't care about the same things or are not as passionate.

I make women uncomfortable when they find out I an interested in them.

It depends on how long I am with someone for and on the nature of the situation itself. If I am with someone for a short period of time I can usually maintain a normal facade and can think of things to talk about. But if this turns into an extended period of time, I start feeling drained and exhausted and in need of some time alone and people do often sense that there is something wrong and then often they react as if I am unfriendly or something. In a situation where I am highly nervous to begin with (such as meeting someone from a dating site) I think that my nervousness must come across somehow as the atmosphere is often really tense and edgy and keeping a conversation going is usually so hard.

blackdot said:

I make women uncomfortable when they find out I an interested in them.

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Oh, yeah. Happens to me, too. I guess I'm not supposed to want that in my life? Whatever.

Tiina63 said:

It depends on how long I am with someone for and on the nature of the situation itself. If I am with someone for a short period of time I can usually maintain a normal facade and can think of things to talk about. But if this turns into an extended period of time, I start feeling drained and exhausted and in need of some time alone and people do often sense that there is something wrong and then often they react as if I am unfriendly or something. In a situation where I am highly nervous to begin with (such as meeting someone from a dating site) I think that my nervousness must come across somehow as the atmosphere is often really tense and edgy and keeping a conversation going is usually so hard.

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don't you ever come across people who do all the talking ? - so you can just listen and add bits here and there ?

I don't really have problems with having conversations. If somebody is hard to talk to then I usually quit talking to them and think it's their problem.

I only come across people who do most of the talking on dates very rarely. Usually they leave it to me to carry the conversation.

Yeah I feel like people get this way around me too. Mostly I think their worried about what I'm thinking about or their worried about upsetting me cause I'm sensitive but I never tell anyone to hold themselves back from being themselves. I realized overtime everyone will react differently to things.

My family for example can't handle when things hit the fan. When things hit the fan for me, I just try to work it out and take it easy. Been feeling like I don't belong for years now and I feel weird sometimes when I'm calm in stressful situations.

When I give off negative vibes though, I can pick up on people acting differently. Believe most people just don't know what to say or how to react. It seems like the only people I can really ever open up too are my closest friends. You're not alone in this, I always feel like I make everyone uncomfortable. It's my own self doubt I believe though. Overtime I think I'll overcome this cause I'm so stuck on thinking poorly about myself.

Tiina63 said:

I only come across people who do most of the talking on dates very rarely. Usually they leave it to me to carry the conversation.

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I find that to be the case too. I've always been told women love to talk but I haven't yet seen proof of that.

blackdot said:

Tiina63 said:

I only come across people who do most of the talking on dates very rarely. Usually they leave it to me to carry the conversation.

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I find that to be the case too. I've always been told women love to talk but I haven't yet seen proof of that.

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I'm glad it's not just me who has this problem. It would be so good to meet someone who would draw me out and not leave the conversation mostly to me.
Yes, many people do think of women as the more outgoing and socially adept gender and this creates even more pressure for me as it is like a massive expectation to live up to and I fall short.

Tiina63 said:

I only come across people who do most of the talking on dates very rarely. Usually they leave it to me to carry the conversation.

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I think this is tricky, you kinda need awareness of the situation. The general date is mostly about first time impressions, and both people are bound to be nervous, or whatever. And of course it's about who your dating, they might not wanna seem like they rabbit on or dominate talking. So along the lines of: