'Friend' trying to get back in touch

Someone I used to know has been trying to get in touch with me, but I really don't want to be in touch with him. He made me feel very uncomfortable. We were never in what I would call a relationship, but he behaved as though we were, and wouldn't take hints. In the end, I deleted my facebook and got a new emal address. He doesn't know where I live now, but he's not all that far away, and I feel scared. - He used to make me feel scared. He would come to see me unexpectedly, buy me presents, talk about marriage. I'm really worried he's going to cause more trouble. He contacted my parents and they told me.

I suppose there isn't really anything you can suggest, and I'm not completely sure why I'm writing this. I've decided not to contact him, but I feel very unsettled just knowing he's trying to contact me.

Why don't you tell him that straightaway?

Hi Tuppence

The only thing I suggest is sending him a message via someone else, your parents if they also have his contact details, to say you are engaged and do not wish to have contact with him.

I don't know other than that, at the extreme if it gets to that point you may be wise to call the police.

Sorry I can't help any more. I really am.

a creepy guy that you really cant do anything about =(

it seems that you can tell him NO 1000 times and he still wouldnt give up.

i dont know what to do either. as least he doesnt know where you live.

This sounds like early stages of a stalker, I'd nip this in the bud right away. I actually had some girl chase me round like this too, and I had to threaten her with stronger action in order for me to leave me alone.

Here in the UK, stalking is prosecutable (Link here), and you should tell your parents (I wouldn't do it yourself) to tell him your not interested, and if he persists, that you're willing to go to police.

It may sound a bit strong, but sometimes it takes this to stop someone, don't let him stress you out.

Hope everything works out!

Don't reply to any messages directly, even if it's to tell him to leave you alone. He's looking for any kind of acknowledgement from you so he can maintain this fictional relationship in his head.

Does he make you nervous or does he REALLY make you scared?

If it's the former you can just make sure he knows you're happily in a relationship and he should take the hint and bugger off.

Thank you for the replies.

My mum told him she'd passed on his contact details to me. She said she didn't want to say anything horrible to him. He hasn't contacted her again since, which is a good sign, but I'm still worried.

Some of the emails he sent me before were disturbing, I saved them all in case it got worse, but then I decided to abandon the email account so I couldn't be contacted there. Maybe I should have forwarded them to my new address. Too late now. I just hope he doesn't put any pressure on my mum. It's possible he's grown up since then or something.

If it gets worse just contact the police straight away. If you feel unsafe it's the best thing to do.

I've recently had the same thing going on. But the dude who contacted me was my ex. Completely uncomfortable, in every sense of the term, with him contacting me again. It's like he didn't learn the first time around that things will never be okay between us.

VanillaCreme said:

I've recently had the same thing going on. But the dude who contacted me was my ex. Completely uncomfortable, in every sense of the term, with him contacting me again. It's like he didn't learn the first time around that things will never be okay between us.

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Kick him in the crotch, Nills. :club:

I don't know if you are justified in feeling scared, but this guy is definitely overstepping. Ignore him. Engaging him, even negatively, will only validate to him that you have some kind of relationship.

rdor said:

Don't reply to any messages directly, even if it's to tell him to leave you alone. He's looking for any kind of acknowledgement from you so he can maintain this fictional relationship in his head.

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That would be my advice exactly. An ex of mine had issues with a stalker and I always insisted the best response was no response. Every response you give him gives him something to respond back to. It perpetuates contact for him.
I am now happily stalking my ex... (Not true)

EveWasFramed said:

VanillaCreme said:

I've recently had the same thing going on. But the dude who contacted me was my ex. Completely uncomfortable, in every sense of the term, with him contacting me again. It's like he didn't learn the first time around that things will never be okay between us.

Click to expand...

Kick him in the crotch, Nills. :club:

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If my leg and foot could reach that far, I'd have a big heavy boot with a spur on it and smash his face in.

And I agree with those saying not to reply to him yourself. Have someone else do it.

Could you move again? And ask your mum not to give him the next address?