Is there any point in trying to date if you are ugly?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

LeaningIntoTheMuse

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
5,133
Reaction score
1
Seriously, I think this is the biggest problem for me. I am physically unattractive, and short of getting plastic surgery to correct my face, I will never be happy.
 
Hm, post a pic and we'll see if we can give you any pointers on stuff you can spruce up on that are less invasive?
 
With that attitude why bother trying, right? Wrong. Seriously, if you think about it dating or making friends is attitude, and I don't mean *snap* *snap* kind of attitude but self attitude. How you present yourself to the world. If you go around thinking bad about yourself or with a negative attitude, that pushes people away. Sure a lot of people might initially judge others on their looks so you have to show off your inner beauty, what makes you attractive, if your intelligent, funny, charming, etc. Everyone has something about them that makes them attractive. Honestly I pity those who only have their looks, if that's all you have then what good is that. Sure you might have an easier time picking up mates but nothing will last unless all you want to be is a trophy. I think people who aren't on the Adonis scale of looks have much more to offer.
 
I guess so.

I actually don't care about my looks when it comes to making friends. That's one area that doesn't matter...it doesn't matter what you look like, if you are a good person, you're my friend, and I'd hope it would be vice versa.

The issue I have is with dating and women. Not female friends. Most of my friends are female, but they either think of me as the gay brother, or the asexual friend. None of them see me as a sexual being.
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
Seriously, I think this is the biggest problem for me. I am physically unattractive, and short of getting plastic surgery to correct my face, I will never be happy.

That is what you think. Someone I find unattractive may be attractive to another. Seriously, I've seen and heard people tell me this. Try not to be too critical of your own looks, I know it's something that a lot of people have issues with, even myself, I do.. but I always feel that if you can learn to see yourself as beautiful or good looking, and you feel confident with yourself on how you look, others will likely see the same way.

Anyway, don't give up just yet. Like I said, someone's trash could just be another person's treasure.
 
And besides, I see so many unattractive people in relationships. Why? Because obvs they find their partner attractive, even if I don't. Attractive is subjective. You may think person a is gorgeous and I may think me a dog, you may think you are ugly and I may think you are sexy, it is all personal tastes.
 
And some people who may not be perfectly attractive according to societal norms make up for it in boatloads of character.
 
Relationships have to be based on personality. If I can't laugh everyday, it doesn't matter how attractive you are.
 
I'm not what you'd call attractive and I was married to an extremely attractive woman. People used to actually tell me that they couldn't understand how I managed to attract her or couldn't understand what she saw in me.

She always used to tell me that she found me incredibly attractive both physically and mentally and that these people didn't know what they were talking about. Different people find different things attractive, and it's not always about aesthetics, so there's always someone out there for you. You've just got to find them.

If you go out there thinking you're ugly and have nothing to offer anyone, then you are likely to make a negative first impression. You just need a bit of confidence and self-belief, then you'll appear much more approachable and be far more likely to attract a mate.
 
I seem to be missing some critical piece of info when it comes to social norms and completely misunderstood the purpose of the Op's statement.

Well I can always go back to trolling, when in doubt go with what works.
 
Everyone has the right to date. Everyone should try to date if they want.
Since I'm cute and not ugly, I can't speak for the ugly people but I know there is no point in trying if you are cute because women don't date cute guys. So maybe if you are ugly, you will have better luck at it. *laughs*
 
Blackdot, were you serious with that?

The main reason I feel women don't want to date me is that I'm not cute. They always date cute guys and hot guys. I am neither, so I get nowhere.
 
Posts about people's looks is subjective, what you think is ugly, doesn't necessarily mean you are ugly. Beauty isn't just a physical thing anyway, realize this.
 
Losing the self defeating attitude would be a step in the right direction. Judging by what I've seen in dozens of posts and several threads it seems like there's an expectation to get shot down.
 
WildernessWildChild said:
Losing the self defeating attitude would be a step in the right direction. Judging by what I've seen in dozens of posts and several threads it seems like there's an expectation to get shot down.

^This

To quote Jack Sparrow "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem"
 
Losing a self-defeating attitude doesn't affect anything. 'Tis a myth. Not saying it's something that should be kept. Just saying that a lot of the advice given regarding this often flips cause and effect.
 
theraab said:
WildernessWildChild said:
Losing the self defeating attitude would be a step in the right direction. Judging by what I've seen in dozens of posts and several threads it seems like there's an expectation to get shot down.

^This

To quote Jack Sparrow "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem"

Anyone who quotes Jack Sparrow is a god!


Dissident said:
Losing a self-defeating attitude doesn't affect anything. 'Tis a myth. Not saying it's something that should be kept. Just saying that a lot of the advice given regarding this often flips cause and effect.

Please, please share your wisdom on this....
 

Latest posts

Back
Top