Forced loneliness, frustration, acceptance and finally, solitude

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

SomeoneSomewhere

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2013
Messages
115
Reaction score
0
The funny thing about this post is, I wrote a really long and detailed post in my head the other night when I found this forum and decided that I will sign up for it the next morning.

I'm not sure if I can type it out in the way that I had written it in my head but I will try my best.

So I have always been a loner as a kid. I was the kid who would never get picked for sports matches; who'd would pick a lonely corner of the ground and wait for someone like him so that he could pass his time and by the end of it, started hating sports classes altogether (and would prefer to stay in class, again, alone).

Ever since I was a kid, I have suffered from serious health issues - something that made me feel different than the other kids and stay to myself.

But that isn't where the "forced loneliness" comes from. I have had a few friends and surprisingly, I have always managed to find a few "birds of a feather" for myself.

A year ago, I was told that I had a deadly disease - one that is almost impossible for someone like me to have. Let's not get into the details but I got it by the use of infected products (needles) when I fell sick as a kid for the first time and was in the hospital for a good 4 months straight.

I could never befriend a girl in my life, as in EVER. I don't think that I have even had an intellectually fulfilling conversation with a girl. Now with my disease in picture, I don't think that I even have to mention how it makes things impossible for me.

I know. There are a lot of people who would say that there is nothing wrong with being friends with a girl and talk about "success stories" but I don't want to listen to them. I don't have it left in me to fight this for any longer.

The last 2 years have been really frustrating for me. It almost drained everything out of me. I got into college and seeing guys and girls talking to earn other, having fun and even being in love when I know that I can't have any of that...

So I accepted it, that fact that I'll be lonely for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to and I feel this diminished flame in me, wanting me to go and try again to build a life for myself but I know that I can't. I do not have anything to offer that would make a girl take a risk with me when they can get guys with everything that I could possibly offer, even more, minus the risk.

Finally, I think I have reached a point of solitude and made peace with it. I see people, happy faces and I don't feel anything. I don't feel like "I want that! Why can't I have it?!". I almost feel dead inside but I guess it is for the best.
 
I read this post thinking, I really want to help, want to say something that could change something in your life, but I just can't think of anything that would ever help. Possibly because words are merely a reflection of what's inside, a kind of photograph. It just isn't the real thing. What do I know.
I know you probably wouldn't take up on this offer, but if you ever need to talk about anything, feel free to PM me. I guess that's all I can offer.
 
It's not true forced loneliness. That thing doesn't exist.

I'm sorry about the rest of your post, though. I can't imagine what it's like to be in your position, and I hope you find some happiness.
 
I feel very sad reading your message, but don't think I can offer any real advice, because I have never been in your situation. I understand the whole loneliness and depression aspect, but I cannot comprehend how it must feel to be told that you have a 'deadly disease'. Just don't give up on yourself or on your chances of finding happiness.

We're all here if you need to vent.
 
There is a dating site called positivesingles.com that is for people with different sorts of incurable communicable diseases. You might find someone there in a similar situation.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top