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brickinthewall

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Hello , been a while since I've posted here most of you probably don't remember me. A lot has happened since I've last been here, I'll put it short , I finally got into med school after a lot of trying , left my abominable hometown , live in a big city now , lost an extraordinary amount of weight..and other smaller stuff.

When I first left to university about half a year ago I actually thought everything was gonna change , that things will be better. I won't lie , things have changed but in essence they are still the same. I'm still socially awkward even if I don't seem so at first sight,I hardly have any friends (2 of them I can actually call friends and one is about 500km away) and let's just say I can't get things right with the ladies.

What caused my recent breakdown is the fact that I've been trying to interact with girls (mostly from uni) the past few weeks. My problem is that even if I manage to get to know someone they gradually forget me over time , as if I'm transparent. We have great few conversations and then...boom..nothing happens. Maybe it's just me but , should I really be the one that ALWAYS makes the first move? I mean if we went out or talked a couple of times and she had a good time , is it really that much to ask to not be the first one to call or text or.... ANYTHING? After a talk I had with my mother about this she said that I shouldn't expect others to make a move if I don't(people in general not just girls). Needless to say that got me pretty down , I find it kind of absurd and stupid. I refuse to believe life works like this, that people only look you up if you make the first move. If this really is how life works then I would rather just stay single for the rest of my life.

I'll probably rant some more later.
 
First off.. sorry it's not working out according to your plan. and props to you for all your efforts! my suggestion is that you keep on doing it. Why? because you are only looking for 1 person. ONE, out of how many girls? expect some of them to say no... (directly or indirectly)

brickinthewall said:
I find it kind of absurd and stupid. I refuse to believe life works like this, that people only look you up if you make the first move. If this really is how life works then I would rather just stay single for the rest of my life.

this is... misinterpreted. what your mom is saying is only about the fact that nothing will ever get done unless YOU do something about it. and you cant expect people to get things done for you, because most of the time.. they wont. If you share a living space and something goes wrong (like plumbing), dont expect your roomie to do something about it, because they wont. <-- this is what your mom meant.

It has nothing to do with them in being the one to keep in contact with you. Because honestly.. you only contact people that you are interested, right? you are NO different. If someone isnt worth your time, not attractive, not interesting, you wouldnt bother. Take the hint that they do not connect with you. No, dont get depressed, as said above. You only need ONE person, and maybe 3 friends (trust me, you wont have time for more than 4 anyways). Being a social firefly is... not what you are looking for.
 
brickinthewall said:
Hello , been a while since I've posted here most of you probably don't remember me. A lot has happened since I've last been here, I'll put it short , I finally got into med school after a lot of trying , left my abominable hometown , live in a big city now , lost an extraordinary amount of weight..and other smaller stuff.

When I first left to university about half a year ago I actually thought everything was gonna change , that things will be better. I won't lie , things have changed but in essence they are still the same. I'm still socially awkward even if I don't seem so at first sight,I hardly have any friends (2 of them I can actually call friends and one is about 500km away) and let's just say I can't get things right with the ladies.

What caused my recent breakdown is the fact that I've been trying to interact with girls (mostly from uni) the past few weeks. My problem is that even if I manage to get to know someone they gradually forget me over time , as if I'm transparent. We have great few conversations and then...boom..nothing happens. Maybe it's just me but , should I really be the one that ALWAYS makes the first move? I mean if we went out or talked a couple of times and she had a good time , is it really that much to ask to not be the first one to call or text or.... ANYTHING? After a talk I had with my mother about this she said that I shouldn't expect others to make a move if I don't(people in general not just girls). Needless to say that got me pretty down , I find it kind of absurd and stupid. I refuse to believe life works like this, that people only look you up if you make the first move. If this really is how life works then I would rather just stay single for the rest of my life.

I'll probably rant some more later.


I can see where you are coming from, I've felt the same way as well.

I think in Western Society generally its expected that the man makes the first move. I get the sense that you are worried about being rejected, maybe I'm wrong.

I wouldn't take it personally, if you are looking to meet new people, not everyone you meet will be perfect. It is hard getting to know new people. Generally the best way I know is by joining societies or groups with people of similar interest. That way you can make new friends.

It is hard work, and it can be disenheartening at times. But don't lose hope.
 
Regumika , I know what you are saying BUT what I'm trying to say that is it so hard that just ONCE someone else start the convo or whatever? Example with the last person I went out with was all good but then I find myself that it's constantly me the one who is initiating and it kind of gives me the feeling that she has no interest in me whatsoever (which is probably true), if she did I suppose she would try at least once..I mean , come on... The other one before her , I asked her to the theater (even though I hardly knew her , maybe it was a bit bold on my part but still , it was the theater not some dirty bar) she kind of blew me off in an elegant yet plausible way so no , I'm not afraid of being rejected , God knows that's the least that scares me since I've had a lot of it throughout my life, what I'm really scared of is ending up being alone.

And to maybelazy...yeah I try to attend all sorts of social/cultural events or extracurricular activities , don't really help much , it's as if I'm socially retarded.

Maybe I'm just too picky but I don't want to settle for just anyone..Not that I'm searching for my soul mate or something but I'd like someone I at least enjoy being around , otherwise I don't see the point of just being with someone for the sake of not being alone. If it came down to that I probably could have found someone.
 
brickinthewall said:
Not that I'm searching for my soul mate or something but I'd like someone I at least enjoy being around , otherwise I don't see the point of just being with someone for the sake of not being alone. If it came down to that I probably could have found someone.

you arent looking for the 1 but if you found someone that isnt the 1 its not worth it?

does it occur to you that she is shy?

this is to paraphrase several poeple here on the forums "i go out, socialize, have a few friends, no problem. but when it comes to girls, i don't know what to do. i just freeze and look like an idiot." so perhaps she is the exact same? except with guys.
 
Regumika said:
brickinthewall said:
Not that I'm searching for my soul mate or something but I'd like someone I at least enjoy being around , otherwise I don't see the point of just being with someone for the sake of not being alone. If it came down to that I probably could have found someone.

you arent looking for the 1 but if you found someone that isnt the 1 its not worth it?

does it occur to you that she is shy?

this is to paraphrase several poeple here on the forums "i go out, socialize, have a few friends, no problem. but when it comes to girls, i don't know what to do. i just freeze and look like an idiot." so perhaps she is the exact same? except with guys.

What I meant by that is that I've had drunken encounters with girls eg someone in my class who is really really indifferent to me, could maybe even say she sort of annoys me and I probably wouldn't resist being with her. She on the other hand seemed more than willing. That's what I mean that if it came down to absolutely ANYONE.

On the other hand , when I find someone I have the smallest interest in it goes haywire. I realize I may sound like a jerk... What I mean by THE one is someone I'm madly in love with. Girls I just like are the ones I enjoy spending time with talking or doing other stuff..
 
Start developing your bull-thick skin, brickinthewall. As a man you're going to need it. You may have a lot of mini-heartbreaks with different people before you get to try with some crush that also likes you.
 
Hi nice to hear you have made some good changes in life so credit for that first of all :)

Unfortunately girls don't make any effort first, or even at all, in some parts of the world it seems, they most definately don't where I come from.

Just try and meet somebody away from the uni scene if it doesn't work out, unfortunately I am no position to give advice when I've been hopeless myself!

 
Sadly I've been trying a lot , specially lately , I just can't seem to get things right. I don't think it's because of my appearance, people usually tell me I'm good looking specially since I've started working out. The conclusion I reached that looks don't matter at all. If you have courage and a good personality you can be the ugliest person in the all , people (girls) will like you , and I know quite a few people like this.

I just get to a certain point after which I'm not exactly sure on how to move forward and then eventually I get friend zoned.
 

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