How do you feel now compared to when you joined?

DarkSelene said:

TheRealCallie said:

The reputations aren't even really a factor anymore.  You can't give reps for individual posts anymore because it's abused.

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Why is this, though? I don't really see the problem in giving a rep for a good post...

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It was....abused.  So it was taken away from us.

TheRealCallie said:

Somnambulist said:

... and "cool" cliques do exist everywhere, which means that exclusion is also everywhere. That is the one thing, if anything, I have learned by being here. The "reputation" points system is a hearty joke

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And where the hell are these "cool" cliques people keep talking about?

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I'm not going to name names, obviously, because that would serve no useful purpose, and in fact, would do a lot of harm.

I can't speak for others, but I have also noticed a definite pattern of exclusion.

Furthermore, and perhaps more importantly, nothing can or "needs to" be done about it. This is just the way it is.

Somnambulist said:

TheRealCallie said:

Somnambulist said:

... and "cool" cliques do exist everywhere, which means that exclusion is also everywhere. That is the one thing, if anything, I have learned by being here. The "reputation" points system is a hearty joke

Click to expand...

And where the hell are these "cool" cliques people keep talking about?

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I'm not going to name names, obviously, because that would serve no useful purpose, and in fact, would do a lot of harm.

I can't speak for others, but I have also noticed a definite pattern of exclusion.

Furthermore, and perhaps more importantly, nothing can or "needs to" be done about it. This is just the way it is.

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I love when people just pick and choose what to cut out and quote, even though there is clearly still important information there.  So, I will say it again....

TheRealCallie said:

 There are groups of people who have been here for a while that have become friends, but I would hardly call them cliques since they tend to include other people (new people) in their circle if their interests match their own.  That's generally how circles of friends form....

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Groups of friends will likely not include new people in EVERYTHING.  That doesn't make them a clique, that just makes them, them.  They also aren't obligated to include everyone in everything.  Some things are just theirs and there isn't anything wrong with that.  

You are complaining about the cliques being here and excluding people, so it's very unlikely that you sincerely think nothing needs to be done about it.

TheRealCallie said:

Somnambulist said:

TheRealCallie said:

Somnambulist said:

... and "cool" cliques do exist everywhere, which means that exclusion is also everywhere. That is the one thing, if anything, I have learned by being here. The "reputation" points system is a hearty joke

Click to expand...

And where the hell are these "cool" cliques people keep talking about?

Click to expand...

I'm not going to name names, obviously, because that would serve no useful purpose, and in fact, would do a lot of harm.

I can't speak for others, but I have also noticed a definite pattern of exclusion.

Furthermore, and perhaps more importantly, nothing can or "needs to" be done about it. This is just the way it is.

Click to expand...

I love when people just pick and choose what to cut out and quote, even though there is clearly still important information there.  So, I will say it again....

TheRealCallie said:

 There are groups of people who have been here for a while that have become friends, but I would hardly call them cliques since they tend to include other people (new people) in their circle if their interests match their own.  That's generally how circles of friends form....

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Groups of friends will likely not include new people in EVERYTHING.  That doesn't make them a clique, that just makes them, them.  They also aren't obligated to include everyone in everything.  Some things are just theirs and there isn't anything wrong with that.  

You are complaining about the cliques being here and excluding people, so it's very unlikely that you sincerely think nothing needs to be done about it.

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I'm saying I don't like the way it is, but that the forum mirrors the real world (a point I have brought up numerous times). That's why I don't think anything needs to be changed. Besides, even if I wanted things to change, my voice is too weak to be heard and/or make a difference. Someone more popular would be required, to bring about change.

Am I allowed to complain ? Am I also allowed to say that nothing needs to be done ? If I were lying, and I'm not in this case, would that be ok ?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Thank you. Your response just reinforced the knowledge of everything I already know to be true.

Somnambulist said:

I'm saying I don't like the way it is, but that the forum mirrors the real world (a point I have brought up numerous times). That's why I don't think anything needs to be changed. Besides, even if I wanted things to change, my voice is too weak to be heard and/or make a difference. Someone more popular would be required, to bring about change.

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Well of course this place mirrors the real world. We have all sorts of people here from all over the globe and even if you want some things changed you'll have better luck trying to vault the Eiffel Tower with a broomstick. No one will listen and no one will care.

I started out on the wrong foot when I first joined in March of 2015 and I still am treated the same way. And to all the finger-pointers and my haters in here I am not complaining here, rather I am stating a fact because I am also allowed to post in here and describe my feelings. And I am not going to say I am blameless here because a lot of time has passed and I really do not have a lot of trust anymore because the way I see it I wasn't given a proper chance. There's a couple people here that I can talk to and they don't really seem to mind it at all and I really appreciate them. I just wish there were a bit more because I think I am a fair and decent person. So if you believe there are cliques in here then you are not the only one.

Somnambulist said:

Am I allowed to complain ? Am I also allowed to say that nothing needs to be done ? If I were lying, and I'm not in this case, would that be ok ?

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Yes you are allowed to complain and ask questions and bring up things that concern you. Everyone can. The trick is to put it in a way that people can identify with it and understand it. I want to be understood just as much as anyone else here.

BeyondShy - Sorry, it wasn't clear what you were trying to communicate in your response to my post. It sounded like the message was that 1 - I'm not the only one being excluded, and 2 - That I am not expressing my concerns clearly ... "in a way that people can identify with it and understand it" ? Is that it ? Correct me if necessary.

I never claimed to have a monopoly on the exclusion market. I'm quite certain none of my words indicated that. I only said that I cannot speak for others (because I don't perceive what others perceive). I suspect that there are also others who seem to get excluded.

In other words, I see tons of responses to some of the shittiest of honeysuckle ... totally unoriginal, meaningless, and worthless posts (in my opinion, of course) ... perhaps because the honeysuckle is nicely gift wrapped, or because the masses are told that the honeysuckle is somehow important ... the honeysuckle conforms ! Whereas, I see some extremely thoughtful, insightful, and original posts which address the most essential topics, that don't get a first glance. This, in my opinion, is how the real world operates, too. The diamonds get buried under heaps of coal. It's actually quite fascinating ! This is what I meant by "exclusion".

As for the reason why "no one will listen and no one will care", a wise man once said that "A problem cannot be solved by the same level of consciousness that created the problem." Appealing to the omnipresent ignorance (which created the problem in the first place), will do nothing to solve the problem it created.

Somnambulist said:

I'm saying I don't like the way it is, but that the forum mirrors the real world (a point I have brought up numerous times). That's why I don't think anything needs to be changed. Besides, even if I wanted things to change, my voice is too weak to be heard and/or make a difference. Someone more popular would be required, to bring about change.

Am I allowed to complain ? Am I also allowed to say that nothing needs to be done ? If I were lying, and I'm not in this case, would that be ok ?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Thank you. Your response just reinforced the knowledge of everything I already know to be true.

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I fail to see how any place on the internet is any different than real life.  We are all real people who have lives, so why wouldn't it mirror it?

I never said you weren't allowed to complain, but I still don't see where these supposed cliques are.  There are FRIENDS here, sure.  There are friends everywhere, and new people won't always be included.  New people need to work at being part of any group, whether in real life or on an internet forum. 

How did I reinforce what you seem to already think is true?  Because I don't see any cliques here, that means I'm wrong because you do?  Perhaps you are just looking at things the way you want to see them and not as they really are.  That's not an insult or meant to be offensive.  Every person does this at one point or another.

BeyondShy said:

I started out on the wrong foot when I first joined in March of 2015 and I still am treated the same way. And to all the finger-pointers and my haters in here I am not complaining here, rather I am stating a fact because I am also allowed to post in here and describe my feelings. And I am not going to say I am blameless here because a lot of time has passed and I really do not have a lot of trust anymore because the way I see it I wasn't given a proper chance. There's a couple people here that I can talk to and they don't really seem to mind it at all and I really appreciate them. I just wish there were a bit more because I think I am a fair and decent person. So if you believe there are cliques in here then you are not the only one.

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First impressions can mean a lot to people and sometimes, as I said in my other reply in this post, you see things as you want to see them, not as they really are.  As a thread of yours says.....you are your own worst enemy.  You don't have to trust a person to give them the benefit of the doubt.

TheRealCallie said:

Somnambulist said:

I'm saying I don't like the way it is, but that the forum mirrors the real world (a point I have brought up numerous times). That's why I don't think anything needs to be changed. Besides, even if I wanted things to change, my voice is too weak to be heard and/or make a difference. Someone more popular would be required, to bring about change.

Am I allowed to complain ? Am I also allowed to say that nothing needs to be done ? If I were lying, and I'm not in this case, would that be ok ?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Thank you. Your response just reinforced the knowledge of everything I already know to be true.

Click to expand...

I fail to see how any place on the internet is any different than real life.  We are all real people who have lives, so why wouldn't it mirror it?

I never said you weren't allowed to complain, but I still don't see where these supposed cliques are.  There are FRIENDS here, sure.  There are friends everywhere, and new people won't always be included.  New people need to work at being part of any group, whether in real life or on an internet forum. 

How did I reinforce what you seem to already think is true?  Because I don't see any cliques here, that means I'm wrong because you do?  Perhaps you are just looking at things the way you want to see them and not as they really are.  That's not an insult or meant to be offensive.  Every person does this at one point or another.

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Yes, what I meant was that I expected a forum called "A Lonely Life" would be devoid of the same kinds of mistreatment of people that led us to be here in the first place. You are right, of course ... it is no different here than in real life. It took me a while to realize this irony.

As for where the cliques are, as I mentioned earlier, I cannot be more specific without starting an online World War III. For that reason, I will take the fifth amendment on this one. Don't mistake me, I don't hold grudges against anyone here, but I am only human - I do notice exclusion by specific people. They are allowed to be human, too, of course ... which is a large part of why I don't think anything needs to be changed.

As I mentioned in my response to BeyondShy, I notice posts receiving largely disproportionate amounts of attention. And, contrary to what you described, it's not just a matter of new people being left out. That is as specific as I want to be about the problem.

To be honest, you sounded kind of angry in your previous post. You also didn't like the fact that I cut out a part of your quote. I did that so as to focus the discussion on one sentence, but I assure you that I read your whole response. So, your (perceived) anger made it sound like you were defending the people who participate in said exclusion. That is the kind of thing I have experienced since childhood - "invalidation", in BPD parlance. It seemed like you were invalidating me without considering my perception of reality, and pushing me deeper into the hole of isolation ... that's what reinforced the feeling of exclusion. That pissed me off.

The bottom line seems to be that BeyondShy and I see cliques and you don't.

You're not wrong, no one is. And, ... again, nothing needs to be changed, perhaps just brought out into the light and noticed

TheRealCallie said:

First impressions can mean a lot to people and sometimes, as I said in my other reply in this post, you see things as you want to see them, not as they really are.  As a thread of yours says.....you are your own worst enemy.  You don't have to trust a person to give them the benefit of the doubt.

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Well, I can accept that. Your said about me that I "see things as you want to see them" so that means how I perceive them to be. Well, a person's perception about the people around him and who he also comes in contact with online is based on things that happen to him or what is said to him or how he is treated. That is how you build your perception about someone. This why you might say to yourself that hey, the last two or three times I talked to or dealt with this person it was very unpleasant. You almost expect it to happen again.

Maybe I explained it wrong. Probably. But it is hard to give a person the benefit of the doubt when this happens. Although you say I should and I totally get it.

Somnambulist said:

Yes, what I meant was that I expected a forum called "A Lonely Life" would be devoid of the same kinds of mistreatment of people that led us to be here in the first place. You are right, of course ... it is no different here than in real life. It took me a while to realize this irony.

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It took me less than two weeks to notice this.

Somnambulist said:

As for where the cliques are, as I mentioned earlier, I cannot be more specific without starting an online World War III. For that reason, I will take the fifth amendment on this one. Don't mistake me, I don't hold grudges against anyone here, but I am only human - I do notice exclusion by specific people. They are allowed to be human, too, of course ... which is a large part of why I don't think anything needs to be changed.

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Yes, please, don't do that. Then it will be turned around and you will be made the bad guy for pointing it out. There are cliques in here and they have been here before I joined and they will be here after I decide to go. It used to really bother me but now it only bothers me a little. It's another thing I took very personal because these cliques made sure to not let me in and they kept me at a distance. I got a lot to contribute if people actually try talking to me.

But I am glad you don't hold grudges against anyone here. That's going to help you. Unfortunately I have some based on some pretty mean things that have been said to me since I've been here and these have been said by people who are still here and no longer here. I won't go into details because it does no one any good to dwell into old grievances.

Don't get me wrong, my time here has not been all bad. There's been so many good days here and I've had a lot of laughs and smiles along the way. I hope that I was able to do the same to the people I consider my friends here.

My life is still mediocre, not the best.

The reason is I'm still a single guy, and have had no luck with dating. I've always broken with a girl after dating for only one to three months. No romantic relationship either - just platonic honeysuckle, which I'm sick of right now.

I recently moved to a new area for job training and work. So that was something great that happened this year.

Overall, I feel good coming to ALL forum to vent my issues about life and interaction with people, animals, being alone, especially in my new place of resident. The good feeling is after I've ranted and vented my frustration with life.

I'm feeling more hopeful and confident that I ever have in my life. The latter being the most important aspect in accomplishing what.... well.... needs to be done.


And lack of it is pretty much what causes life-halting anxiety in the first place.

The same

This has been a good place to discuss feelings with people who know what it's like to be a social outcast. Others try to sympathize, but they don't necessarily understand what it's like. I've had a few things I wanted to get off my chest, and this forum has given me an outlet of which to do so.

well, I moved on my own to a big city so im lonelier than ever, I still have no friends or anything related so I haven changed much, im more mature and now I appreciate my family more than ever, also I changed mi view on politics and the world in general and I kinda embrace religion(not really but im more tolerable)

Im positive about changing things, last year was my first year in college and on this new life so it was predictable I wont have time to make friends but I made some acquitances and settle down for good, was a very difficult year cause everything was new so I did it fine, my goal this year is to make some more acquitances, talk to some girls and be more extroverted, having friends, parties o a girlfriend is not on my plans , im realistic

tomorrow i'll be getting bad or good news that could change my life(is about college) so im really nervous, writting here helped me a little even if no one is reading so thanks for the space

Angrier, sadder, less hopeful. Some of my early posts here, I actually told others to be hopeful. I was fresh from that other site where people talked about possibilities and breaking through limits and all that. I can't believe how naive I sounded at times.

My life has become worse in pretty much every way. I felt like my life was ruined before, but the irony is, maybe thinking that my life was ruined then, caused me to act as if my life was ruined then. But it wasn't then. However, because of that, and some other things, now it really is.

I'm a lot better now than when I first joined. I let go of the anger and my goodness what a difference that made. It's so nice not to be dragged down by the weight I put on my own shoulders.

I like it here. No pressure.

Much better. I have different problems, but I face problems in a healthier way now.

And I truly believe I got better and grew because of the people on this forum. And I thank you guys for that.

jetsuo said:

How did you feel about your life when you joined the forum compared to how you feel now?
Has there been much change? and if so, whats changed for you and how long did it take? what helped you change?
or are you exactly the same as before?

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I have learnt that i can be delusional and very tunnel vision sometimes when i'm lonely and really want to believe that someone likes me the way that i like them. I also learnt that if i don't try new things and keep moving forward and have a goal, my life becomes very stale and i will naturally behave in way that is needy, unattractive, small minded and appear weak.

What changed me was choosing to open up to my the people that i know and trust and getting their opinion and perspectives, enabling me to see myself from their point of view and also doing a LOT of self reflecting and learning the hard way why i unconsciously keep pushing people away with my neediness.

It took about 3 years, most of the stuff i learnt from working with people and trying to understand everyone around me.
Also i learnt that being a minimalist and keeping my room and space tidy and simple helps to lower my stress and allow me to think more deeply and clearly.

I find comfort here. But, I don't think I feel any different. I do try harder to not revenge post though.