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Funny story..(not really just odd and confusing for me anyway)
#1
My sons mother and I split up back in 2009 when he was just over a year old. It was her choice as I was very happy and she seemed to be to. It was kinda a shock to me when she said she was leaving. I was devastated still am. If it was up to me we would give it another try, if not for us, but for his sake. Now I know you may be thinking "well if there is arguing thats not good for him". Fact is we rarely argued. We were engaged and had an average relationship. After she started working in june of 2009 it seemed as if her mind set just went from nice young women to a 2007 version of Britney Spears. She went to work as a CNA in a nursing home. She had a good head on her until this job. Its like all the other girls there turned her into a Jersey Shore Series finally. I honestly think that it is from the people she works with putting ideas in her head. She will talk to me face to face and be very nice, we joke around and everything. BUT friends status on anything that her co workers see I am non existing. If I have to bring my son to her job she plays me off like I am nothing more then a doormat and will not even get a hello. If I bring him to her house we will talk for 20-30min.

What I am getting at is, I did date 1 girl after the break up. We were together about a year but I did not have strong feelings for her and knew in the back of my mind if my sons mom wanted to work it out I would. It has been 3 years now since the last girlfriend. I have had offers but I am really not interested. Part of me sees her coming back (even though i know that will never happen) but I enjoy being single. Not for the freedom but the mental frustration a break up causes. Its bad enough I think about her on an every day basis. Why feel it double? I wish there was something I could do to get us together again but I dont see it happening. I have kinda settled on just staying single the rest of my life. Any thoughts?

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#2
I'm just sorry it has happened man.
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#3
You're always going to be in each other's lives because you share a child, but for the sake of your sanity you have to find a way to let her (and the pain associated with the break up) go. It's been four years; the chances of you ever being a couple again is slim to say the least. I understand how difficult it is, but while you're obsessing over your old relationship, you're depriving yourself of the opportunity for another, more successful relationship.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay single, but you sound like you'd really like to be in a relationship; you're just worried that it will end in disaster.

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#4
(05-15-2013, 07:50 AM)Cavey Wrote: You're always going to be in each other's lives because you share a child, but for the sake of your sanity you have to find a way to let her (and the pain associated with the break up) go. It's been four years; the chances of you ever being a couple again is slim to say the least. I understand how difficult it is, but while you're obsessing over your old relationship, you're depriving yourself of the opportunity for another, more successful relationship.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay single, but you sound like you'd really like to be in a relationship; you're just worried that it will end in disaster.

I know what you mean about it being a long time. But its like the saying you will know when you found the one. She is the one for me I would still do anything for her to this day. I would enjoy the company more then an actual relationship tho. I honestly can not find feelings for another woman. I almost feel like if she was to find a job at a different place that it may work out again. Like I said we get a long great. It is just where her co workers can see her talking to me is when she she shale I say a bitch.
I know of other girls who are interested and ask if I would want to get together often. I am honestly more afraid of someone getting attached and then she changes her mind and wants to be a family again. I would not want to hurt that person but at the same time there is no way I would say no. She happens to be very attractive but I do not really care about that I love her personality. There was never a time when we were together that we had a bad time. Of coarse we would have our arguments but thats normal in a relationship. She does not date either so we are both single. I still get her gifts for holidays and such. Not because I feel I have to but because I care about her and thats what you do for people you care about. My son is at the age where he starts to ask questions such as "why do you and mommy not live together?" "what happened?" He has even asked if there is going to be a time when he wont see one of us. I was kinda an ass to her at times and knew I shouldn't have. I am bi-polar and after I met her I went off my meds. I think what I really need is closure. A second chance to show her I can be what she would want in life. I have changed a great deal in the almost 4 years.
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#5
You just have to be prepared for the fact that it is probably never going to happen. You may get along great as friends, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you'd be great once your in a relationship again. Everyone feels like they've met 'The One', but the fact is that there are, in all likelihood, a great many people with whom you could form a stable relationship and feel the same emotions that you felt with your ex.

I can't really relate to your problems answering questions to your son, because I never had kids, but I do understand far more than you'd think.

My wife left me six and a half years ago. We separated reasonably amicably, but I'd have much preferred we stay together. We used to talk on the phone and email each other, but I've had no contact with her for years now. She does keep in contact with my niece though and it always feels like she's still there in my life.

I spent six years shutting out the entire rest of the human race and longing to be back with her. I have changed a lot in those six years and I'd love to show her that I'm a different person now, but if she'd really wanted to be back with me, then we'd have been back together long before now. I don't want to deny myself a happier future by always longing for the past. I just hope that's not what you're setting yourself up for.

Either way, I hope it works out for you and your son - whether it be with your ex or not. Good luck.
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#6
Time can really only tell yes or no, I know a couple that are in their 50's they got married at 18 got divorced after 15 years. Now 20 years later they are married again. It took the wife to give him another chance. She now regrets now not giving him the chance sooner. Stories like that is why i don't want to shut her out. I do realize chances are slim but its better to stay positive. Little by little I am showing her I still care and we have gotten a little closer just not close enough yet. However, if I did meet someone that actually interested me I would give things a try, giving the fact they don't mind an attached kid.

Im not really shutting out all humanity, I wish I could describe it. I'm not being some like crazy stalker towards her. I give her space and only to her when I bring my son to her.

Even with your and your ex-wife it may have been six years but you still never know.
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#7
(05-14-2013, 09:13 PM)D1PL0M4T Wrote: ... I enjoy being single. Not for the freedom but the mental frustration a break up causes.

^^ This.
It's very painful. I'd have to really be smitten (read: have feelings for) to allow myself to get close to someone again.
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
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#8
(05-15-2013, 10:50 AM)EveWasFramed Wrote:
(05-14-2013, 09:13 PM)D1PL0M4T Wrote: ... I enjoy being single. Not for the freedom but the mental frustration a break up causes.

^^ This.
It's very painful. I'd have to really be smitten (read: have feelings for) to allow myself to get close to someone again.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Yup.
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#9
(05-15-2013, 01:26 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote:
(05-15-2013, 10:50 AM)EveWasFramed Wrote:
(05-14-2013, 09:13 PM)D1PL0M4T Wrote: ... I enjoy being single. Not for the freedom but the mental frustration a break up causes.

^^ This.
It's very painful. I'd have to really be smitten (read: have feelings for) to allow myself to get close to someone again.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Yup.

Smile Happy to see you here this evening, Lady F.
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
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#10
It makes it hard to trust someone else. I use to be the person who would want to be dating all the time too. Its really strange.
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