Would you date a person whose family...

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Naleena

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Would you date a person whose family hates you? What if the person you were dating didn't want to make waves with their mother when she said mean spirited things towards you? Would you remain in the relationship?
 
I guess that would depend on how much I cared about the other person and whether or not he expected me to spend any time around said family (or mother).
 
No, I wouldn't be able to. Being in a relationship who's family hated you would cause a lot of tension, especially if you had to put up with them.
 
My friend is doing this right now...and she's made her husband stop talking to them. Because they are simply awful people. To everyone. Like...no one likes them *shrug* And the absolutely HATE her, which does not make the situation any better.

She often tells me that she wishes her situation was different and that something like this puts a REAL strain on her marriage.

I honestly don't have an opinion on this though, though by watching other people go through it I know I don't wanna.
 
Sci-Fi said:
No, I wouldn't be able to. Being in a relationship who's family hated you would cause a lot of tension, especially if you had to put up with them.

I would say this, because I'm sure some of my guy's family do dislike me, simply for my skin tone. He's already told me that his grandfather would not have liked me because I'm part black. And I'm certain that the one or two of them who stare at me like I have three heads, don't like me for the very same reason.

However, I don't have to put up with them. I hardly ever see them, and he doesn't care to see them or be around most of his family anyway. And if any of them ever want to pick something with me, I'm going to tell them just that. He don't even want to deal with your asses, so why would I...
 
Naleena said:
Would you date a person whose family hates you? What if the person you were dating didn't want to make waves with their mother when she said mean spirited things towards you? Would you remain in the relationship?

I wouldn't mind dating this person whose family hates me as long as he doesn't force me to be nice to them or like them just to suck it up. But if it comes to a point where they attack me and it is affecting me emotionally and he won't do a single thing to help make the situation better, then I don't think it's good to stay. If he cares, he'd make an effort to think of something.. a compromise or as difficult as it may be, talk to his family about it.
 
I would expect my family to at least treat my boyfriend politely, even if they did hate them. This would be a relationship breaker for me if he could not do the same. The only exception would be if either of us did something to deserve the negativity, or weren't close to them.
 
^ This. If my family is not civil to my girlfriend even though they don't approve of her then they are asking me to cut off contact with them. Though I really don't see how it can happen.
 
Been there, done that, showed my strength of character and commitment to their daughter, niece etc, and even fought her corner against them and have won them around.
 
Yes, I would because it has almost always been that way for me due to having mixed heritage. Actually, I think it is worse when a SOs family actually likes a person up until the time they find out what the person's heritage make up is. This has been true for my daughter too because her skin tone really does not give anything away.
 
Yes, I'd be willing to date someone whose family hates me, as I don't put much value on family, and thus it wouldn't bother me. If they didn't want to make waves with their mother or pretty much anyone else who said mean spirited things towards me, that'd be alright by me. Yes, I'd stay in the relationship, as long as it wasn't a deal-breaking issue for the other person. If it was, I'd allow them to decide whether or not the relationship was worth continuing.
 
Ah, I can offer insight on the family who dislikes said significant other. My brother's wife... It's no secret I dislike her. However, I was civil towards her, as in, I never bothered speaking to her really. The way I see it, I'd rather not talk to someone than to be downright rude and mean to them. Although sometimes, she deserved it for various reasons, I still was never nasty to her. My mom tried with her more than I ever would, but in the end, me and my mother both knew that she was just a bad person. But if she had not done the things she did, I honestly wouldn't mind. It's her actions and personality that ultimately made me dislike her. My brother married her anyway. So, family doesn't always matter when it comes to stuff as such.
 
Yes, as long as I had serious feelings about that person, it wouldn't be enough of a reason to break it off. Clearly i'd be disappointed, but if it's something I couldn't change, why waste my time and/or worry about it?

For the benefit for the girl/guy involved, i'd just hope their parents would be mature enough to be civil.
 
I personally wouldn't...in fact, it's one of the things I look for in a partner, that their family would be nice enough to not treat me rudely or good enough to not judge me for my skin color/heritage. It's just something that means a lot to me. Relationships are complex enough without the added stress of family members being awful to you.
 
I would find it very difficult and it would depend on:
1. How much my partner and I loved each other.
2. Would he always be taking their side against me and bending over backwards to please them at my expense the whole time in order not to makes waves? If so, I would not want to stay in the relationship.
3. Would I have to spend time with them or not?
4. Their reasons for hating me.
 
I was in a relationship for 5 years with someone who's family hated me, it didn't affect me too much through most the relationship, mainly affected her. Things went horribly wrong when we were due to get married (as in she was disowned) :/ which was cripplingly depressing, she couldn't take it so I had to let her go... but I adored the time I spent with her & am grateful I met her in the first place.
 
Mr Paul-this is so sad, both for you and for her. It must have taken you both a long time to get over what happened.
 
I dated a girl in high school & her mom hated me... She couldn't understand why her daughter would "date someone of his race"... Relationship didn't last too long because my girlfriend at the time couldn't handle it... It didn't bother me at all...
 
No I would not. I come from a big family (5 kids) and life is easier when my siblings like my partner.
If my significant other didn't really have a relationship with their family, then it wouldn't matter. But if they were close, no.
 

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