Should a person put their kids before their partner?

Should a person put their kids before their partner? Should it be that way all the time?

A childs "needs" should always come first - that's our job as a parent. I guess each parent decides how we define "need."
I subscribe to BALANCE when it comes to relationships and children.

Always, I don't have kids but if I did I would never put them above my partner. Having children is a huge responsibility, you created a life that you are in charge of shaping into an adult one day. I don't think anyone should put their relationship before their children.

Im not sure it's about putting one before the other, IMO. Maybe Im just odd.

I don't have any kids, so my opinion is not as informed as many of you, but I think that your children should always come before your partner.

Again, I will chime in and say it's about balancing everyone's needs. lol

EveWasFramed said:

Again, I will chime in and say it's about balancing everyone's needs. lol

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I'm just seeing the question as a much more black and white scenario.

I'm seeing it as the child needs something desperately and the partner needs something desperately and only one of them can get it - like a kidney. Or your child wants you to go see something they're appearing in at school and your partner wants you to go to something to do with work. In both cases, my children would come first.

The small stuff can always be compromised upon. I certainly wouldn't recommend always giving your child their own way, because I can't imagine that would end well for anyone.

Either way, I have no intention of having children, because I don't think I'd make a very good father. I'm a great uncle though, so my 13 year old niece is constantly telling me right before raiding my fridge/wallet

hmmm....not really sure if the OP meant something like a life and death issue (kidney) or not. I didnt interpret it that way, but I might be wrong. It's under the "Relationship" area of the Issues forum, so I suppose I assumed it meant something other than life and death issues.

EveWasFramed said:

A childs "needs" should always come first - that's our job as a parent. I guess each parent decides how we define "need."
I subscribe to BALANCE when it comes to relationships and children.

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This, although I don't have kids. I think that they should come first, being the younger people and your responsibility while your partner is an adult and should have better understanding of the situation.

But also, there should be a balance like what Eve said, not always put your partner in the backseat all the time - that wouldn't be nice, now, would it.

Children will always come first. That's why I'm in no rush to have them even though thinking about the possibility makes me feel nice.

I still can't fathom why one has to be put "over" another. I feel that the adults in the situation can talk about and make decisions that will generally be beneficial for all involved.
OK...let me ask this: You have two children - how do you choose which one "comes first?" Just using that as an example.

^ well if the case is choose one or the other. Hopefully that will not happen though..

perfanoff said:

^ well if the case is choose one or the other. Hopefully that will not happen though..

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Well...that should be the same for everyone you love, IMO.

(Remember, not speaking of life and death situations here, because both parents/partners should be on the same page for that.)

What about when the children are adults? Should they still always come ahead of their parent's partner? I once had a relationship with a man who had two adult children in their thirties and he always put them first to the extent that my needs were completely neglected and overlooked. I finished with him after a very painful and lonely time. While I can understand and agree that young children should always come first, I feel that when it comes to adult children that the partner should be treated equally as well as they are.

Yes - Absolutely. You are responsible for them and their primary role model. I have seen too many kids left to fend for themselves and fight for any attention, especially bad attention, because mummy or daddy have a new F%*kbuddy.

Evil_Genius said:

Yes - Absolutely. You are responsible for them and their primary role model. I have seen too many kids left to fend for themselves and fight for any attention, especially bad attention, because mummy or daddy have a new F%*kbuddy.

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Ive seen this as well and Im totally against it.
I still don't feel that balancing a child and your partner has to be a "choose one over the other" situation.

Tiina63 said:

What about when the children are adults? Should they still always come ahead of their parent's partner? I once had a relationship with a man who had two adult children in their thirties and he always put them first to the extent that my needs were completely neglected and overlooked. I finished with him after a very painful and lonely time. While I can understand and agree that young children should always come first, I feel that when it comes to adult children that the partner should be treated equally as well as they are.

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no. My whole reasoning is that children need assistance to live. One that is an adult should have his own way.

I guess my situations a little different- Kids always first. Ironically I've been noticing that there are times where I place second- I think she got the social skills that I kind of lack.

I would like to think that it's right for partners to value eachother and their children equally. After all, it took them both to make a child.

If I ever have kids, yes. They'll come before anyone, including myself. My mom was the same way. She always put me and my brother before even herself. However, I do agree with the balance thing. I think people need to take care of themselves, because when you do have someone depending on you, such as kids you're raising, you can't break down. Looking back, I wish my mom would have taken more care of herself, but she was, and still is, a very selfless mother and person.