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I found myself awake at 4am this morning, just laying there in bed, numb, with a stream of tenebrous thoughts flowing through my mind. That's when I realised, it was time one again for my half-arsed attempt at social interaction. I found this site through Google, and spent a few hours browsing, before I finally decided to drop in and say hello.

I'll try to keep this concise. I'm "Thom", 24, from Birmingham, UK. I was raised by both parents until I was 7, then my mother took me 120 miles away to live with her family. I was abused, and came back to live with my dad when I was 12 - My dad is the greatest father & friend anyone could ever ask for, but he's been quite ill since 2006 (depression). I was assaulted during 2006, and found myself (unconsciously) walking to and from Sixth Form (College in the US) with a few acquaintances whenever I could.

After finishing my studies in 2007, I decided to take a few months to look after my father, before I went out looking for a job (I had some EMA saved up, just so I could do so). A few months later, I decided to head out into the job market (right at the start of the recession - good timing, eh). Started out with the initial burst of enthusiasm about finally being able to make my own way in the world, but the mood quickly soured when the JobCentre started accusing me of not trying hard enough to find work, even though I was handing in CVs to anyone who would take them.

So, I stopped going (although I kept looking for employment, I just didn't claim). A few months later, my dads income support was in jeopardy because of it - if I had know this would've happened, I'd never have gone through with it. So, begrudgingly, I sign on once more. Six months later (early 2009), no job, so I got sent on a "Pathway to Work" course... I find myself sick on the first day, but think nothing of it, and try to battle through. It got worse the second day, so I couldn't go, and the same for the third. At this point, I was told I'd have to start again further down the line - fine. Few months later, I started to really panic about going, and when the day came, I was being sick once more. My partner came in with me, and we discussed it with a nice man there. He told me to consult my GP, so I did, and since then, I've been seeing a stream of nurses, GPs, psychologists, & psychiatrists about my anxiety.

It was only in hindsight I realised something... I hadn't left the house on my own since 2006. I've ALWAYS had someone with me. Since leaving sixth form, I lost contact with more and more people until, eventually, I was left all alone, barre family, and my partner. I can go through a day, week, or even month, without anyone saying hello to me, and most of the time, that's fine... But sometimes, I just need to talk, and that's pretty much why I'm here.

I'm pushing myself to improve more and more lately (both mentally & physically). I've actually left the house a few times on my own over the past six months (well... Usually around 5am, and with my dog), and I'm trying to improve my physical strength so I don't feel so intimidated by social situations like paying for some milk at the counter in the local store, or responding to someone who asks about my dog. I find myself feeling less and less down, and slightly more ambitious when it comes to extending beyond my fear boundary, but I'm not quite ready to jump into a situation and make a friend in person. I know I've wasted over 5 years of my life, but I'm not planning on wasting many more. I have a few goals I wish to fulfill by the end of the year, which involve going to town on my own, and going to support my team at a match. Physically, I'm down to 13st from the 18st I was after leaving sixth form... Lost the weight really easily, despite having a horribly slow metabolism.

Enough about the miserable stuff [: I'm a pianist, guitarist, animal loving, secularist, gamer, LFC supporting, gardening type. Person. I like all music, as long as it isn't crap. Sadly, most of it is, but oh well! I find myself listening to quite a lot of Shostakovich & Penderecki as of late, but do not worry, it's not all classical. I'm quite partial to Radiohead, Nick Drake, Portishead, Pink Floyd, White Stripes (Jack White is my man crush), The Small Faces... I could go on forever, really.

As a gamer, RPG, RTS, & FPS games are my vice. If you like Final Fantasy 6, Planescape Torment, Warcraft III, & Unreal Tournament, then the chances are we'll have plenty to talk about. I played WoW for six years before they went and screwed it up, but yeah, I could rant about that for ages.

I'm a life long Liverpool FC supporter, but my favourite sport is Cricket. I try my hardest to follow every England test match with TMS Smile Also like Rugby, and support Wales, as I'm actually 1/2 Welsh and only 1/4 English (the other 1/4 is Irish)... Leigh Halfpenny is gorgeous!

Apologies... I said I'd try to keep it short and to the point, but perhaps this is better. The more you know about me, the more likely you are to realise you don't want to talk to me, and save us both the time and effort of an uncomfortable conversation.

Hi Thom,

Another UK'er eh?

Welcome to the forum.
[Image: 2vj1q3q.jpg]
Yep. Living it up in the gorgeous landscape of the West Midlands Big Grin
(05-24-2013, 12:14 AM)Aihpames Wrote: Yep. Living it up in the gorgeous landscape of the West Midlands Big Grin

I much prefer a fantastic scenery than towns and cities, I'm from around Cheshire.
[Image: 2vj1q3q.jpg]
Ahh, I'd trade in a heartbeat. I hate living here Smile Well, hate is a strong word... Could be a lot worse.
(05-24-2013, 12:22 AM)Aihpames Wrote: Ahh, I'd trade in a heartbeat. I hate living here Smile Well, hate is a strong word... Could be a lot worse.

Why's that? It sounds nice (from the very brief description you gave), I feel the same where I am.
[Image: 2vj1q3q.jpg]
Was being a tad sarcastic. Walsall doesn't really possess any redeeming qualities outside of the one park Big Grin That being said, I've never really had any issues with anyone from my side of town, which is nice.
Hi and welcome, although East Midlands rulez!!!
I'll take your word for that... Wink
Hey there, welcome to the forum!

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