Emotional Abuse

I kinda got the inspiration to create this thread from Eve's Gaslighting thread.

While Gaslighting is an extreme form, a lot of people suffer from Emotional Abuse without even realizing.

I'm tired of seeing people being exploited for being the caring or sensitive type, often via emotional blackmail. This is unacceptable and can have long term effects such as confidence & trust issues, insecurities, depression and self harm.

There's some information here explaining more about it if you suspect that it could be happening to you.

I remember a few years back while visiting a "friends" house, he had a nice (but some would say dizzy) girlfriend who he also had a daughter with, he would often talk to her like honeysuckle, put her down and call her stupid etc, and apart from making me feel uncomfortable I couldn't imagine what his girlfriend felt like hearing this. I waited to get him on his own and I explained how I thought it was unacceptable to speak to someone like this.. obviously it ended up with a heated argument with him using cliche lines such as "Who the fresia do you think you are" and "What does it have to do with you" etc etc. Eventually falling out I suspect made it worse, I only tried to open his eyes, I don't know.

But anyway I see stuff like this happening often, and I'd love to have the confidence to ask the strangers why they're acting like such as ass. What do you think on this matter, would you intervene if such an event was happening?

I wouldn't intervene unless she's my personal friend, or he seems to be about to go physical.

I don't know why it happens. I've acted like an ******* before and it's mostly out of great frustration for something. Too much weakness awakens the aggressive trait.

perfanoff said:

I wouldn't intervene unless she's my personal friend, or he seems to be about to go physical.

I don't know why it happens. I've acted like an ******* before and it's mostly out of great frustration for something. Too much weakness awakens the aggressive trait.

Click to expand...

I think that some of it may not be that a person is weak, but that they don't have the skills to make their needs known. Some people can grow up learning behaviors that aren't helpful. If people were taught how to communicate better, I think some of what you are saying might be avoided. Just my opinion. How was your day, Perfanoff?

9006 said:

But anyway I see stuff like this happening often, and I'd love to have the confidence to ask the strangers why they're acting like such as ass. What do you think on this matter, would you intervene if such an event was happening?

Click to expand...

I was a victim of emotional abuse myself. It's hard when you're the one going through it. Your thoughts and judgement kinda gets warped by some form of manipulation or something. For the person who's inflicting the emotional abuse on the other, well, I don't know.. I'd like to find out myself why. Maybe they seek that sort of power or control and likes it?

If I see something like this happening, yes I'll intervene in a way.. I think depending on the situation. Either I talk to the abuser if I know him or her well enough, if not, I'll talk to the victim, and see how I can help him/her break out of the abuse. Not easy though.. I imagine a lot of nasty happenings.. even the victim might reject my help if he or she is afraid to step out of that zone. I know because I was like that.

I have been a victim too but now i have started to resist. Its not the weakness every time, sometimes you owe somebody and try to return the favor but they kinda start exploiting you. We need to learn that we are not slaves and we have a free will too. Read it somewhere, "To say No is not a sin, to say Yes is not a virtue"
And yes, i will intervene. I try to do what i can, to save the poor soul because i know the feeling.

What I know from my personal experience with abuse is that by putting some good ole boundaries those things don't happen to me anymore, and that abuse unfortunately affects most shy and sensitive people that are not used to setting boundaries, often out of kindness or politeness.
It is also to be said that some few individuals do enjoy, at a subconscious level, being put down, and that they don't fight it at all, maybe because of deep self-esteem issues they feel it's right.
After growing up with severely codependent people who would leave all the responsibility of their lives (and the blame) to others, and who would actively encourage abusive behavior, I must confess that I feel a lot of anger in front of extremely passive people, so I avoid their company.
This said, those who abuse are ********, but often situations of domestic madness are not that black and white.

glad you put "friend" in inverted commas

rdor said:

glad you put "friend" in inverted commas

Click to expand...

I thought he was, but he isn't now. Often the case.