anais_ninja
Member
Here's the short version: I once was part of an online group. As an introvert it was easier for me to interact socially online. Over time, some of the people from the group became my offline friends as well, and we would meet up and spend time together. I was happy and felt popular and well-liked.
I don't want to bore people with drama, but a woman from the group who had become my offline closest female friend (I'm also a woman, female friendships for me can be tricky) anyway she turned on me suddenly and for no apparent reason. The reasons she gave seemed bizarre and made up (for example, she accused me of flirting with her husband, who I had never met or spoken to at all) and I was like "you're insane."
Anyway the situation deteriorated into severe bullying. I mean *severe*. She said and did things that not only cost me the refuge and support of my online community but had repercussions in my offline/personal life as well. I ended up in therapy, diagnosed with PTSD. It has taken me two years to get to a point where I feel "safe" socially or even open to the idea of making new friends. I understand now that this woman just had some serious issues and I was an easy outlet for that. But she was someone I trusted and considered a close friend. And others from the group - people I had considered friends for going on ten years - either joined in on the bullying or turned a blind eye to it (which in my opinion is the same as condoning it).
Anyway now I find myself open to the idea of making new friends. I very much want to feel part of a group/community again. But I am held back by this inability to really trust people. When I meet a new person, my first thought is no longer "Oh! You seem nice!" but instead "what are you going to try to take from me? What is your agenda?" I feel like everyone has an agenda, and I didn't used to feel this way.
I hope I don't come across as bitter or resentful. I'm really not. I'm just afraid to trust. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced similar issues, and what you did to cope with them?
I don't want to bore people with drama, but a woman from the group who had become my offline closest female friend (I'm also a woman, female friendships for me can be tricky) anyway she turned on me suddenly and for no apparent reason. The reasons she gave seemed bizarre and made up (for example, she accused me of flirting with her husband, who I had never met or spoken to at all) and I was like "you're insane."
Anyway the situation deteriorated into severe bullying. I mean *severe*. She said and did things that not only cost me the refuge and support of my online community but had repercussions in my offline/personal life as well. I ended up in therapy, diagnosed with PTSD. It has taken me two years to get to a point where I feel "safe" socially or even open to the idea of making new friends. I understand now that this woman just had some serious issues and I was an easy outlet for that. But she was someone I trusted and considered a close friend. And others from the group - people I had considered friends for going on ten years - either joined in on the bullying or turned a blind eye to it (which in my opinion is the same as condoning it).
Anyway now I find myself open to the idea of making new friends. I very much want to feel part of a group/community again. But I am held back by this inability to really trust people. When I meet a new person, my first thought is no longer "Oh! You seem nice!" but instead "what are you going to try to take from me? What is your agenda?" I feel like everyone has an agenda, and I didn't used to feel this way.
I hope I don't come across as bitter or resentful. I'm really not. I'm just afraid to trust. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced similar issues, and what you did to cope with them?
