"I'm actually not looking for a romantic relationship"

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onmyown1979

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Ok, I work at the same organization as this woman for like the past 3 years. We work in different departments that are scattered throughout the city but I first met her when we took a first aid class together. I noticed her kind of checking me out but didnt give it much thought. That day it was her birthday and she bought in a cake and after class she goes up to me first and asked me did I want some cake. I accepted of course, lol and from that day whenever I would see her we had good conversations. Problem is I rarely see her because we work in different areas and I only saw her like three times a year. Fast forward three years later, were facebook friends, I learned she's single with a small kid, I'm single of course. I did my best to talk to her through Facebook and when I saw her so I decided to go for it. I tried to ask her out at work but she's the receptionist so she's always on the phone or helping out people, so I sent her a private message on Facebook saying that I liked her as a person because of her positive energy and asked if she'd be interested in doing lunch or dinner sometime. She wrote me back the next day something like 'Oh that's so sweet, but actually I'm not looking for a romantic relationship but would enjoy meeting for lunch as friends'. **** have I heard that before. So wondering should i try it out as friends, which I have plenty of, or just say eff it and move on? IDK, saying that's so sweet sounds like what a grown woman would say to a 9 year old that had a crush.
 
Go out for a lunch as friends :) Might develop into something more, and if it doesn't, having a friend is better than having no-one.
 
That depends. Would you be content simply getting to know this person in a non-romantic way, or do you anticipate your feelings might get in the way of that? If you suspect the latter then it's probably best to maintain a comfortable distance between the two of you.
 
@ perfanoff, I was looking for a date and I didn't even mention romance when I wrote her, so it seemed she nipped that in the bud from the beginning. @ revengineer, I do anticipate my feelings getting in the way because she's everything I want in a woman, caring, she does volunteer work, she goes to church regularly, she's a great mother to her little girl, she's educated and will give you the shirt off of her back. I RARELY find a woman with those qualities and eventually when she does find someone she's interested in she'll break off the 'friendship' anyway. Why hang around for that? @Aihpames In the past I would accept that but I always seen them end up dating a scrub and accepting mistreatment and ultimately the friendship fades. It hurts because I know I'll treat them right but they're not interested in me.
 
There is nothing wrong with just staying friends but if that's not what you want with her and her good personality doesn't count as good enough to be a friend, then move on.
 
"I'm actually not looking for a romantic relationship... with you" :p

Go out but don't expect anything more to come of it. Always nice to have more friends.
 
sometimes, when one is badly hurt, the only way to start a romantic relationship is first to be friends, did you inquire if she likes someone or is seeing someone (that will unfortunately mean the "I don't want a relationship with *you*" version) because if she is not, she might very well mean that she is not looking for one in general.

I agree with Rdor, it's always nice to have more friends, then think that if she is not the one for you maybe she knows the one for you and can introduce you to her :)
 
onmyown1979 said:
@ perfanoff, I was looking for a date and I didn't even mention romance when I wrote her, so it seemed she nipped that in the bud from the beginning. @ revengineer, I do anticipate my feelings getting in the way because she's everything I want in a woman, caring, she does volunteer work, she goes to church regularly, she's a great mother to her little girl, she's educated and will give you the shirt off of her back. I RARELY find a woman with those qualities and eventually when she does find someone she's interested in she'll break off the 'friendship' anyway. Why hang around for that? @Aihpames In the past I would accept that but I always seen them end up dating a scrub and accepting mistreatment and ultimately the friendship fades. It hurts because I know I'll treat them right but they're not interested in me.
Click to expand...

Um if she's not interested in you, that's not your problem. It's hers, to pass on someone genuinely interested in her.

For me, even if she is beautiful, nice, caring, wild in bed, etc etc, if she's not attracted to me, she's not attractive PERIOD. You need to make that circuit in your brain or you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt...
 
Hmmm, I initially was going to say just try being a friend, but I guess I can understand if you wanted more then it might hurt you and ultimately harm the friendship anyway.

Perhaps just keep things casual, keep speaking to her on occasion and maybe things could change in time? Maybe at this point she's not looking for anyone.
 
Been rehashing how to approach this and I think I'll let sleeping dogs lie on this one. I work two jobs and don't have a lot time and I don't want to waste it pursuing someone who might not change her mind. I told her basically when my schedule frees up we can do lunch so the balls in her court. If I don't hear from her again fine, but if by some miracle she writes back and asks about lunch... Then I may have a tiny shot.
 
Women are kind of allergic to chasing, even if they do it, they have a need to keep appearances that they're not.
You told her when your schedule frees up.. isn't it up to you to let her know when it is convenient for you then?

2c
 
Maybe so, but it's only lunch with a 'friend' so it's no biggie. I'm kind of waiting to see if she'll send something back like 'Hey, I'm free on this time and day for lunch, want to join me?' Time isn't an issue with me concerning the situation so ill just see what happens. Actually though lunch is bad for me because I have a crazy work schedule and my lunches are on the run so I was really hoping she said dinner, lol. I expressed my interest though and it wasn't reciprocated so
Ill leave my options... What little i have...open
 
It's a tough one. You could go out as a friend and develop that. But if you like her, that wont simply go away. That may nag and nag you. What will happen if she meets someone? How will you feel? I find it best to think long term when you like someone who doesn't like you.
 
Yeah gutted, if she did meet someone that'll end the friendship anyway and plus it'll be worse if the guy isn't about anything positive. I'm rolling the dice a little but I'm going to leave the situation alone
 
Peaches said:
sometimes, when one is badly hurt, the only way to start a romantic relationship is first to be friends, did you inquire if she likes someone or is seeing someone (that will unfortunately mean the "I don't want a relationship with *you*" version) because if she is not, she might very well mean that she is not looking for one in general.

I agree with Rdor, it's always nice to have more friends, then think that if she is not the one for you maybe she knows the one for you and can introduce you to her :)
Click to expand...

No, she's not seeing anyone, I knew that much so that's why I chanced it. Well at least I know and I can move on
 
She probably won't take up your lunch offer out of fear that it will be misinterpreted, so don't take it personally.
 
onmyown1979 said:
Ok, I work at the same organization as this woman for like the past 3 years. We work in different departments that are scattered throughout the city but I first met her when we took a first aid class together. I noticed her kind of checking me out but didnt give it much thought. That day it was her birthday and she bought in a cake and after class she goes up to me first and asked me did I want some cake. I accepted of course, lol and from that day whenever I would see her we had good conversations. Problem is I rarely see her because we work in different areas and I only saw her like three times a year. Fast forward three years later, were facebook friends, I learned she's single with a small kid, I'm single of course. I did my best to talk to her through Facebook and when I saw her so I decided to go for it. I tried to ask her out at work but she's the receptionist so she's always on the phone or helping out people, so I sent her a private message on Facebook saying that I liked her as a person because of her positive energy and asked if she'd be interested in doing lunch or dinner sometime. She wrote me back the next day something like 'Oh that's so sweet, but actually I'm not looking for a romantic relationship but would enjoy meeting for lunch as friends'. **** have I heard that before. So wondering should i try it out as friends, which I have plenty of, or just say eff it and move on? IDK, saying that's so sweet sounds like what a grown woman would say to a 9 year old that had a crush.
Click to expand...

I wouldnt bother if I was you. Been in this situation plenty. Friends wouldnt work. Why? because less than a year she will be using you as an 'antagonist' for her and her abusive jerk boyfriend. Trust me on this, steer clear and find someone else.
 

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