Leaving the house alone...

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Aihpames

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I've probably done this 10 times in the past 5 years, most of which have been in the last 12 months. Really though, whenever I do it, it's been with my dog at stupidly early times.

I know it's better than not doing anything at all, but I want to improve faster :( I've tried just jumping into the deep end, and walking him around on a Saturday afternoon, but I just can't get out of the door. I've tried things like walking to the shop with my only friend, then waiting outside as she goes in, and vice versa, but nothing really past that.

Does anyone have any methods or techniques to help with building up confidence to go out alone? I really want to change things (and tomorrow, I won't want to... I have phases of caring about my self improvement).

Sorry if this is in the wrong section... Doesn't really deal with a shyness towards other people as much as it does with a fear of other people, but I guess it still counts.
 
Are you feeling paranoid or unable to take people's eyes on you?

You need to start respecting yourself and believe that you aren't worth less than anyone else.
 
Both. I always have the worst possible scenario going through my mind when I'm approaching someone walking the opposite, and I hate people looking at me... I'm not scared of the world, just the people in it - I love walking my dog at 4-5am when there's no-one around.
 
Well I think you need to first identify what scares you about going outside, is it the open space? the people? etc.

And whatever that issue is, you'll have to just bite the bullet and start off easing yourself in.
 
Last time I did that, I had a snowball thrown at my head, along with a nice dose of verbal abuse :( Snowball didn't bother me that much, but meh...
 
So do you think it's more the area your live in?
 
Not entirely. I think I would be more likely to jump in the deep end if I were still living in Aberystwyth or somewhere similar, but really, my local area isn't too bad.
 
I had a phase like this many years ago when I was scared of leaving the house. How I dealt with it was to make myself walk downtown and back every day, about a twenty minute there and twenty minute back walk, no matter how I was feeling. It was incredibly hard as I felt I was going to faint all the time, but it did solve the problem.
 
Thanks, Tiina :) It's nice to hear from someone who's been through similar things, and come out the other side a stronger person.
 
I've only felt like this once about 6 years ago. I got attacked at work (some bloke threw a beer can at me which hit me in the eye and caused me to lose my sight for a few weeks !)
I felt scared going out and didn't feel comfortable at all !
 
duff said:
I've only felt like this once about 6 years ago. I got attacked at work (some bloke threw a beer can at me which hit me in the eye and caused me to lose my sight for a few weeks !)
I felt scared going out and didn't feel comfortable at all !
Click to expand...

That's horrible... Did you manage to go back to the same place? I hope his worthless ass got some jail time for something like that.
 
The less I think about what I could possibly encounter when I'm out and about the easier it is. If I just think "I need to go to point A" and focus on that, then I'm good. When I start thinking about the hassles of getting there, and expectations of how I should behave, what can go wrong, then I have a much harder time. I also tell myself that I need to live a life worth living, and that after all is said and done, I won't be particularly proud of all that time I spent in my house by myself.
 
Thanks, Sarah :) That's a very thought out & helpful post (and your Avatar is very cute) :D
 
Have you spoken to your friend about this out of curiosity?
Does she know that it's difficult for you to go outside alone?

Just thinking about possible suggestions, maybe the two of you could go somewhere... Starting off either kinda early in the day, or later at night, like a park or something together. So you've left the house, then she could.. Hmm.. Leave you alone for 10 or 15 minutes? Even 5 minutes.
That way, you'll be outside on your own. Then when you start being okay with that, maybe you could start doing it during the day when it's a little bit busier.

Or, perhaps you could get her to meet you down the road from your house, or at the end of your driveway.
Only reason I'm suggesting using her, is because friends are a great way of helping you get through something you normally can't do alone. If you know a friend will be waiting for you outside, and they'll be there to support you... Chances are you can push yourself to do it.

Start off small, and work your way up I guess.
Sorry if my suggestions don't really help in anyway, just spitballing some ideas.
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
Have. you tried cognitive behavior therapy?
Click to expand...

I have. Didn't think a huge amount of it, if I'm honest.

Ignis said:
Have you spoken to your friend about this out of curiosity?
Does she know that it's difficult for you to go outside alone?

Just thinking about possible suggestions, maybe the two of you could go somewhere... Starting off either kinda early in the day, or later at night, like a park or something together. So you've left the house, then she could.. Hmm.. Leave you alone for 10 or 15 minutes? Even 5 minutes.
That way, you'll be outside on your own. Then when you start being okay with that, maybe you could start doing it during the day when it's a little bit busier.

Or, perhaps you could get her to meet you down the road from your house, or at the end of your driveway.
Only reason I'm suggesting using her, is because friends are a great way of helping you get through something you normally can't do alone. If you know a friend will be waiting for you outside, and they'll be there to support you... Chances are you can push yourself to do it.

Start off small, and work your way up I guess.
Sorry if my suggestions don't really help in anyway, just spitballing some ideas.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the response :)

Yeah she does. She's been with me through all of it, to be honest.

I've been recommended doing things like walking to an extra lamppost each time I go out, and walking an increasingly large distance away from her. Thing is, when I see no people, I can walk indefinitely without a hitch in confidence. I have walked to meet her from her bus stop before, but it's always been easy because there's not many people about in a little village at 10am.

I decided I'm gonna start walking the dog on weekends with her, so then we'll at least have to deal with seeing people. Will take it from there, I guess :)
 
Aihpames said:
Thanks, Sarah :) That's a very thought out & helpful post (and your Avatar is very cute) :D
Click to expand...

You're welcome. :) Tell you what, when you're walking down a street freaking out... just picture a baby elephant sittin in the mud, saying "you can do it, Aihpames!"
 
Aihpames said:
duff said:
I've only felt like this once about 6 years ago. I got attacked at work (some bloke threw a beer can at me which hit me in the eye and caused me to lose my sight for a few weeks !)
I felt scared going out and didn't feel comfortable at all !
Click to expand...

That's horrible... Did you manage to go back to the same place? I hope his worthless ass got some jail time for something like that.
Click to expand...

yes I'm still there now. Nothing happened. I don't think the shop even reported it to the police. I know I was off work for 3 weeks and the manager didn't even ring me up to ask how I was.
 

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