1000lifetimes
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2013
- Messages
- 147
- Reaction score
- 1
Hi,
I had an account on ALL before but I lost it, but starting fresh sounds like fun so here goes.
I have a problem - I'm a bad person. Love has passed me by for 25 years for good reason...it's not for me. No matter how much I want it, I feel like I don't NEED it. I built myself to survive a horrible existence...missing the luxury of love won't kill me, it will just make being alive much more painful.
That's what makes me different, I'm not one of you. I'm not here to enjoy life...I'm here to make sure others enjoy theirs. People walk all over me, no matter how much I try to stand up for my rights to a decent life, it always gets put down. And after this long...telling yourself its 'bad luck' just sounds like a lie. You've seen people like me, maybe you're one of them yourself. You probably think poorly of us if ever at all. We're still here, we don't make a lot of noise...we try to follow the rules, but usually end up dying while still alive for our trouble.
But no matter how much of a cold hearted machine I try to be, I'm still human...and I want to love and be loved. I feel like I've spent my whole life practicing, and trying to be perfect and have an understanding of love:
Dedication
Loyalty
Self sacrifice
Support that doesn't ever break
A feeling that makes you willing to do ridiculous things because they're for someone you love
Sounds clingy doesn't it. What's scary is that in the absence of a partner these emotions get directed elsewhere and leak into other parts of my life. At work, or with friends. Places they don't belong...which spawns a vicious cycle. Almost as if the punishment for having the disease...is being denied the cure.
We all need to love and be loved...and I don't care what anybody, including fate/karma/god (whatever you want to call it) and especially yourself says...you deserve it...you just may not get it.
I had an account on ALL before but I lost it, but starting fresh sounds like fun so here goes.
I have a problem - I'm a bad person. Love has passed me by for 25 years for good reason...it's not for me. No matter how much I want it, I feel like I don't NEED it. I built myself to survive a horrible existence...missing the luxury of love won't kill me, it will just make being alive much more painful.
That's what makes me different, I'm not one of you. I'm not here to enjoy life...I'm here to make sure others enjoy theirs. People walk all over me, no matter how much I try to stand up for my rights to a decent life, it always gets put down. And after this long...telling yourself its 'bad luck' just sounds like a lie. You've seen people like me, maybe you're one of them yourself. You probably think poorly of us if ever at all. We're still here, we don't make a lot of noise...we try to follow the rules, but usually end up dying while still alive for our trouble.
But no matter how much of a cold hearted machine I try to be, I'm still human...and I want to love and be loved. I feel like I've spent my whole life practicing, and trying to be perfect and have an understanding of love:
Dedication
Loyalty
Self sacrifice
Support that doesn't ever break
A feeling that makes you willing to do ridiculous things because they're for someone you love
Sounds clingy doesn't it. What's scary is that in the absence of a partner these emotions get directed elsewhere and leak into other parts of my life. At work, or with friends. Places they don't belong...which spawns a vicious cycle. Almost as if the punishment for having the disease...is being denied the cure.
We all need to love and be loved...and I don't care what anybody, including fate/karma/god (whatever you want to call it) and especially yourself says...you deserve it...you just may not get it.
