How do you deal with it when someone makes you feel bad about yourself ?

When someone hurts your feelings, ignores you or just treats you like crap, what do you do?
Shrug it off and/or ignore it?
Confront the person?
Talk to a friend?
Something else?

I'm not talking about anything specific regarding myself. I know every situation might have a different reaction. I guess I'm just looking for general thoughts and advice. I have really low self esteem (almost none) and tend to take things too personally. I want to learn how to better deal with stuff like this.

Turn into my solitary shell.

This is not good advice to follow.

I ignore it. Sometimes I hold a grudge on them for a few minutes or so and then release it because why be angry about it. But no one really treats me badly anymore, or maybe I'm not sensitive on that as I used to be.

It really depends on what it is that makes you feel bad. If you can't ignore it and it really hurts you, you should probably talk to them about it. No one should make you feel that way.

Rosebolt said:

Turn into my solitary shell.

This is not good advice to follow.

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This is what I tend to do as well and I agree with you that it is not good advice. I would like to be more upfront with people who hurt me, but when it happens I feel so confused and mixed up and hurt that I don't know how to react, so I withdraw.

Kinda wallow it on my own and withdraw. Either that or rant. Depends really.

I talk with my mom or boyfriend. It helps a lot.

Mostly keep thinking about it until it fades away, sometimes talk to a friend.

Rosebolt said:

Turn into my solitary shell.

This is not good advice to follow.

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Same, I won't burden anyone else with it.

I do all of em'. It just depends on the person in question.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

Several people here said they turn into their solitary shells or wallow in it. This is what I tend to do as well. I'd like to be able to ignore unfair criticism and insults, but I have a hard time letting go. Maybe I need to be more upfront with people, but when I've tried that, people make it clear that they don't give a **** if I'm hurt, and if I cut them out of my life its never their fault.

This seems to be especially true online, where everyone seems to believe that the solution is to "Grow thicker skin, stop taking things so seriously...."

Well, maybe people are right. I do take things too seriously, and my skin is thinner than tissue. But I always try my best to treat people how I would want to be treated. I've visited a lot of forums in the past few days, and few people seem agree with me on that. (Not talking about here, most people seem very nice in this forum.)

I didn't mean to turn this into a rant, I apologise. I guess I just can't tell if things are always my fault, like maybe I rub people the wrong way and I'm not liked. Or if its their fault for being jerks for very little reason. Either way, I do need to find better ways to deal with it.

Yeah it's hard to let some harsh comments go, I usually wallow myself or think it's something I did wrong. Than I usually talk it over with the person once I'm ready to address it. Sometimes I usually vent in my journal when I'm hurt or try to express myself through art. It really helps me whenever I drawing or doing something to distract myself.

Than I usually think things over once I calm down and try to reason to myself if it's worth getting upset over or not. If I'm still hurt, I bring it up to the person. If I don't think it's big enough to address, I usually just brush it off. Ignoring criticism is sometimes hard, I try to ignore it myself but I'm a pretty sensitive person. Everyone reacts differently to it.

I only cut people out of my life when the person is constantly putting me down or unpleasant to be around. I stress out enough to have negative people like that into my life.

No worries. =) Your thread is fine.
It's better to try to face the problem, than shut it completely away.

Locke said:

This seems to be especially true online, where everyone seems to believe that the solution is to "Grow thicker skin, stop taking things so seriously...."

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I hate it when people say that, 'don't take it to heart' its like DUH not everyone is so 'thick skinned' as they say or cant turn the switch off in their head that makes them more sensitive then others. I personally think that if your a hard faced jerk then what kind of person are you really? Would they help an old lady across the road? Help a stray animal if hungry? Probably not they seem like the kind of people who would point and laugh and i for one would not want to be like that.

Yes its good to try and improve yourself and face uncomfortable situations that upset you but equally don't change too much and become one of these jerks yourself its never worth it.

Avoid them.
Not talk to them anymore.
Cut them out of my life.
... and I won't forget.

I hold the belief that as long as someone has not harmed another, for the most part they have no business putting another down.
So therefore if someone does this to me I will think that either they have some problem with me or they are jealous of something. Either way I don't want to bother with them.

WallflowerGirl83 said:

Sometimes I usually vent in my journal when I'm hurt or try to express myself through art. It really helps me whenever I drawing or doing something to distract myself.

No worries. =) Your thread is fine.
It's better to try to face the problem, than shut it completely away.

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Thanks Distraction sounds like a really good idea. Painting, drawing or writing could really help me think about things calmly instead of getting overly depressed and wallowing in self pity.

*Sammy* said:

Locke said:

This seems to be especially true online, where everyone seems to believe that the solution is to "Grow thicker skin, stop taking things so seriously...."

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I hate it when people say that, 'don't take it to heart' its like DUH not everyone is so 'thick skinned' as they say or cant turn the switch off in their head that makes them more sensitive then others. I personally think that if your a hard faced jerk then what kind of person are you really? Would they help an old lady across the road? Help a stray animal if hungry? Probably not they seem like the kind of people who would point and laugh and i for one would not want to be like that.

Yes its good to try and improve yourself and face uncomfortable situations that upset you but equally don't change too much and become one of these jerks yourself its never worth it.

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I don't know if they're all bad people in life because they act like that online. Maybe some of them don't view it as real, they forget that they're talking to other living people. Or maybe they just don't care, and they treat others badly because they can get away with it.

I guess it doesn't matter. No one else seems to have this problem online, so it must be partly because of me. I'm not tempted to be a jerk, but I am ready to give up on forums, at least until I can boost my self esteem. I thought visiting forums would help me to learn how to interact with people in the real world again, but its just not working. As for people I meet in person, I'll try distracting myself when I get hurt so I can sort through it calmly. Again, great idea WallflowerGirl.

I'm glad this is just a question, and not advice.

Personally, it depends on how the hurt was delivered. If it was scornful, arrogant, or otherwise the product of someone's ego... well, I've had quite enough of that common thread. To me, it seems as if 'ignoring it', or simply 'putting it aside', hasn't come to any damned conclusion over how many generations?

So I get in their face.

I let them know how much of an ignorant ass they're being, what a complete waste of space, and consistently remind them that if they were actually secure in who they are, they wouldn't have the need to put down others.
Ever met a secure person? I mean, completely secure? It's amazing. They may seem non-confrontational, or humble, and some would say 'pansy', but there are reasons for that. If you know who you are, you have no need to receive judgement from the people around you. Or shall I say, an ego boost is unnecessary. These 'mental bullies' are counting on a reaction, therefore reinforcing their own view of themselves. If they see that they can be wicked to you, make you small, they they feel a power, a control. But in truth, they are so much more weak then they can possibly imagine. Why? Because any person who doesn't need to stand in front of a mirror to see himself is blessed.
Funny part is, this usually ends in me making them extremely angry, despondent, and sometimes physically violent. Amusing, no? People seem to hate it when you point out their flaws and make them feel less then they are. But it does usually make them think twice before trying it again.

Like Sammy it depends who it is for me.
If it's someone I know well I confront them right away.

If it's someone I don't know well I usually don't know what to do. I have a lot of trouble confronting people I don't know well (so many times I wished I would have stood up for myself).

If it's a guy interest who is mean to me or something, it upsets me right away while confusing me at the same time. It usually takes me a while to know what is going on but when I finally figure it out I confront them and let them know how they are making me feel.

Also, if it's someone I don't need in my life and they keep doing it I just cut them out.