"My future is shrouded in dark wilderness"

rogerwaters said:

Hello,

I'm a 25 year old from an european country (the one with a debt crisis!).
I thought I was having a normal life, but lately I've been thinking a lot about my loneliness.

There are days when I think about being lonely too and how I wish that my life was different, however there are people in worse situations so....

I've never had a girlfriend and I can't remember being atracted to anyone else except this italian girl I met 3/4 years ago in Germany - I'm shy and I never felt shy around her. I never told her anything - I never felt such magic as I was going down a street in Leipzig with her: both of us under her umbrella. What a beautiful mind...

It sounds like she mean't a great deal to you. Why do you think that you never admitted your feelings to her. Could it be that you feared rejection because you've said that you weren't shy around her?

I don't have too many friends also: maybe two friends that I know since I was nine or ten. I talk to other people but I don't consider them "friends".

I feel the same so I understand. I don't have many close friends anymore and I haven't really made any new friends either besides maybe a couple that I see and/or hear from only every now and again.

I've had a normal academic life - I studied classical languages and literatur (latin and ancient greek) and after I finished my degree I found a job in an Insurance Company: it's been 3 years and I'm still working there.
While in University I never had a "boemian life" - I can count the times I went out and got drunk.
During my University time I had the courage to met unknown people on the internet and started a band (I play bass and guitar) - we had an Oasis tribute band. The band lasted 3 years - looking back now I think I'm hating all that routine. I declined some invitations to play with other bands.

I admire the fact that you didn't chose to get out and get drunk all of the time like most of society make you believe that you should. If you don't then you are generally considered to be boring.

Surprisingly, since I started working I've been having a more sociable life - I go out at least one time a month.
I do cocaine everytime I go out with my "friends" from work - like I said: one time a month. I see them as "coke buddies": there's girls involved and I've done it a few lines with them, but I don't feel attracted to them. I usually leave the party before it's over: no one notices.

It's good that you have been getting out more, but I do disapprove with taking drugs. I'm not judging you. It is just how I feel personally about drugs. Are you sure that hanging around your 'coke buddies' is helping?

I read a lot of the stoic philosophers and I always used that philosophy to protect myself from the thought "You're alone: no one cares about you" - for the stoics loneliness (or solitude) is a good thing. I thought it was.

A year ago I was "promoted" to other department with new co-workers (I still talk with my old friends/"coke buddies"): I like the job and the responsability but I hate the people - I don't feel I have anything in common with them - they watch Big Brother, go to Gym after work, they bring lunch from home, they're futile, they can't write in their first language without errors, they're not funny, they laugh at things that aren't funny, they think they're smart and, this in particular upsets me, they don't like to work...

I understand that if them not liking to work is upsetting you because you could be the one putting all of the work in, but they could be benefiting from your hard work. Could it be that your being judgmental and not open minded though? I know that it can be hard not to judge people sometimes, but if you do then it can only get in the way of developing new friendships.


So I registered on this board to read about other people's lonely lives and to see if there's more people like me.

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