I've met a guy over the internet... in another forum. He's 18, like I am, he's bisexual, like I am, and he's a furry, like I am. It's gotten to the point where we both have said we love eachother... he even made me cry. He lives all the way out in california (i'm in colorado) which is a problem. Both of us want to see eachother, but we really don't have the money for it.
This is the first time in my life anyone has ever said they loved me, or they wanted me. Nobody has ever said that to me, even over the internet. And I've never loved anybody, even in real life.
So this is all new for me.
The problem is, I'm so used to being emotionally closed off.... I find it hard to believe he actually cares about me. I have these terrible thoughts that he's going to turn on me one day, say it was all a big joke to him, that he never really cared. I'm scared that he might find someone in real life... or that he might find someone else on the internet.
I've got all these insecurities, and whenever they pop up my natural defense mechanisms kick in. Which means I get really bitter, sarcastic, and angsty. I havn't felt suicidal at all in about a week, but I'm really scared because this mean so much to me.
I don't want it to fall apart, but every time he mentions feeling close to somebody else with his problems I feel threatened now... and immediatly go into protective mode of feeling like "He's going to say he doesn't love me" and get angry/sarcastic etc.
I've barely even cut myself since I started talking to him this way... but he said "he found someone just like him" and it all kicked in, the bitterness goes so deep. I'm scared as hell how this is going to end up...
This is the first time in my life anyone has ever said they loved me, or they wanted me. Nobody has ever said that to me, even over the internet. And I've never loved anybody, even in real life.
So this is all new for me.
The problem is, I'm so used to being emotionally closed off.... I find it hard to believe he actually cares about me. I have these terrible thoughts that he's going to turn on me one day, say it was all a big joke to him, that he never really cared. I'm scared that he might find someone in real life... or that he might find someone else on the internet.
I've got all these insecurities, and whenever they pop up my natural defense mechanisms kick in. Which means I get really bitter, sarcastic, and angsty. I havn't felt suicidal at all in about a week, but I'm really scared because this mean so much to me.
I don't want it to fall apart, but every time he mentions feeling close to somebody else with his problems I feel threatened now... and immediatly go into protective mode of feeling like "He's going to say he doesn't love me" and get angry/sarcastic etc.
I've barely even cut myself since I started talking to him this way... but he said "he found someone just like him" and it all kicked in, the bitterness goes so deep. I'm scared as hell how this is going to end up...