Confused and worried about girls

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04smallmj

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[align=justify][align=justify][align=justify][align=justify]OK, so to start with, I’m 21, male and live in the UK. This is the first time I’ve posted on here, although I have been reading posts for quite a while.

So to get straight to the point, I am rubbish when it comes to girls/no girls are interested in me, and it’s driving me crazy. I’ve never had a girlfriend but I really want to experience a sexual relationship, mainly because I would love to have some intimacy in my life, as it is currently lacking, and for companionship. I know that I won’t find the perfect person first time, and that isn’t what I’m asking for. I like the freedom of being single (2am bike rides FTW), but I’d be much, much happier if I had been in a relationship before and decided that I’d rather be single, or I don't mind sacrificing a bit of freedom for a relationship.

I am fairly quiet usually but I don’t think I’m ugly (decide for yourself - https://www.facebook.com/media/set/...100001251303759&type=3&viewas=100000686899395 ), although I do sometimes when I randomly see myself in reflections… Generally I just think that I look very young for my age (and a lot of other people say the same), which seems to give me a severe disadvantage with girls. For example, how many 20 year old girls (women, really), would want to go out with a guy who looks 16, without treating me like a 12 year old? I feel like extreme friend-zone material. From my own anecdotal evidence, just a handful of 14-15 year olds are possibly attracted to me.

It also scares me because I have left uni now, after 3 years, and I met and lived around a lot of people my own age, but I’m sure that at home (now), and when I move somewhere else and have a job, it’ll take even longer to find a girl who likes me (in that way). I often think to myself that I may as well give up and try again in 10 years. It isn’t friends I’m worried about though, I can make friends fairly easily (which also tells me that I must have a likeable personality), and apart from the girl thing, I’m not too worried about moving somewhere else. I don’t want to live in my parent’s house my whole life. On a similar note, I really relied on studying, living on campus and going to the college bar to support my social life at uni. Off campus, I really couldn’t stand nightclubs or crowded pubs, but I don’t mind going to quieter places, I just don’t know where I could meet girls that may be interested in me. In terms of my interests, I’m interested in nature conservation, and have volunteered and am volunteering with local conservation organisations, but most of the volunteers are much older than me. I am applying for part time retail jobs to bring in some money, and I’m hoping that should help me mix with younger people again. I do volunteer in a charity shop, but the social limitations are obvious. A few of my friends (male and female) have said things like "we need to get you a girlfriend", "Why do you think you can't get a girlfriend?" etc, but the truth is that no girls are interested in me, and I feel like I have no choice about it.

So to conclude, are girls not interested in me just because I look young (and I may have to wait years and years), or because I'm ugly (doubt it) or what? :p Feel free to ask anything else, it would seem like more of a rant if I continue writing here. I’m not really very negative in general, it’s just this topic that drives me crazy, sometimes I feel like complete crap if left to think about it for more than 15 minutes…​
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Grow a beard :D

How do you know they're not interested?

Also, the "friendzone" doesn't exist, it's a male-centric phenomena meaning "I want to have sex with her but she doesn't want to have sex with me so we're kinda done"

Have friends, grow those friendships, see what happens. If your friends want to set you up with someone why not? What's the worst that can happen?
 
04smallmj said:
I like the freedom of being single (2am bike rides FTW), but I’d be much, much happier if I had been in a relationship before and decided that I’d rather be single, or I don't mind sacrificing a bit of freedom for a relationship.
So, you'd be much happier to have been in a relationship so you can dump some poor woman so you can be the free single guy again? Your already single. Problem solved.
 
Your FB link didn't work for me, so I will assume you are not ugly. Even if you were less attractive by societal standards, "personality" trumps "looks" every single time. You don't have to be "hot" to attract a woman. You just have to have a personality and confidence.

Take your friends' offer to help get you a girlfriend. If you are struggling in this area, this is an excellent way to meet more girls. Your friends know you and they can do the initial marketing for you. Then, if there's a plan to meet a girl, you can take it from there. Let people know you are available, and they will help you out.

Understand that relationships mean that you will not be completely free to do whatever you want. You must compromise your needs with the needs of your partner, and I'm not convinced by your post that you are okay with losing that freedom. (I could be wrong.) Do some internal searching on this topic.

Good luck, and welcome.
 
Im going through something similar, and I was honestly not interested in being a relationship up until I noticed college classmates and my classmates from high school have been getting engaged at the same age as me etc...and I've been worried about what will happen to me. Also I don't feel that any girls are too interested in me either, and I haven't met any that I'm interested in.

I think at the moment about all I can do is try to become a better person, become a bit more sociable and hopefully my time will come. I can't say the same for you as not everyone can just wait around for good things to happen, nor should they. But it's probably not a good thing to rush this and just "settle" for someone you don't like that much or seem to...desperate. Not that you're doing either of these things.
 
I couldn't open your link but I think you'd find a lot of girls are going to wait for you to make a move. Girls are insecure. I know men can be too but girls your age have a lot to live up to in terms of societies expectations and what is seen as 'beautiful'. They are extremely self conscience about appearance etc and really would rather wait for a guy to show some interest first.

Do you ever approach girls? I don't mean try to pick then up but just chat in general? Befriend a girl like you would a guy? That's where a relationship would start... Give it a try?

Nell


Also, I doub looking young would have much to do with it. Confidence is more likely to be culprit ;-)
 
You sir, are EXACTLY like me! The ONLY difference is that I never went to Uni. Otherwise we're the same! Do you have Skype? If so, then PM me please. Would be cool to talk!
 
Thanks for the replies :)

I should have checked that link better before posting *facepalm*. Oh well :p.

Thanks for the advice. I agree with all of you, confidence helps a lot. I should have made it more clear that the 'friends introducing me to girls' quote was made casually, rather than a serious suggestion, it's a bit irrelevant now anyway because the person who said it was at uni, and I'm the other side of the country now.

I think overall that I should really be more proactive in asking girls out, as I don't really do that, although I was more like that in the first year of uni. Then I sort of decided to stop chasing them around so much and let them talk to me instead (i.e., if they want to get to know me, they can tell me. I knew a few girls at uni who texted guys they liked a lot, not with too much success though).

@Gutted - I don't have Skype at the moment, but I'll probably make an account soon :)
 
04smallmj said:
Thanks for the replies :)

I should have checked that link better before posting *facepalm*. Oh well :p.

Thanks for the advice. I agree with all of you, confidence helps a lot. I should have made it more clear that the 'friends introducing me to girls' quote was made casually, rather than a serious suggestion, it's a bit irrelevant now anyway because the person who said it was at uni, and I'm the other side of the country now.

I think overall that I should really be more proactive in asking girls out, as I don't really do that, although I was more like that in the first year of uni. Then I sort of decided to stop chasing them around so much and let them talk to me instead (i.e., if they want to get to know me, they can tell me. I knew a few girls at uni who texted guys they liked a lot, not with too much success though).

@Gutted - I don't have Skype at the moment, but I'll probably make an account soon :)

Have you asked any women out ?

You say that women aren't interested in you. You need to back that up with evidence. Most men don't get asked out by women. Most men have to work very hard to get dates. It's only the select very few who get all the attention and have it easy !
 
jzinsky said:
Also, the "friendzone" doesn't exist, it's a male-centric phenomena meaning "I want to have sex with her but she doesn't want to have sex with me so we're kinda done"

Have friends, grow those friendships, see what happens. If your friends want to set you up with someone why not? What's the worst that can happen?

Oh my God. Thank you. Finally... Finally. I wish more people would have the sense to realize.
 
"Most men don't get asked out by women. Most men have to work very hard to get dates. It's only the select very few who get all the attention and have it easy !"

This is the thing I don't get. Why is it often thought that men have to ask women out and not the other way around? It's sort of an equality issue too really, why should men have to ask them out and pay for their restaurant bills? This guy sums up my thoughts perfectly:



It just seems really old-fashioned to me.
 
Well, I know that women are interested in me and occasionally I do get asked out, but at the same time these women have issues going on that I don't want to be a part of, I swear the last 6 women that have asked me either had drug issues, jail records, were extremely shy so sent someone else to do it like we were in elementary school or were very much overweight. On the other hand the women that I'm interested in aren't interested in me, but that's the world I guess.

I can only say keep hanging in there man like I am. I'm getting better at asking girls out and eventually someone worthwhile will say yes. In this life you'll hear more 'No's' than 'yesses'
 
onmyown1979 said:
Well, I know that women are interested in me and occasionally I do get asked out, but at the same time these women have issues going on that I don't want to be a part of, I swear the last 6 women that have asked me either had drug issues, jail records, were extremely shy so sent someone else to do it like we were in elementary school or were very much overweight. On the other hand the women that I'm interested in aren't interested in me, but that's the world I guess.

I can only say keep hanging in there man like I am. I'm getting better at asking girls out and eventually someone worthwhile will say yes. In this life you'll hear more 'No's' than 'yesses'

Mmmm... Interesting. I definitely agree on hearing more "nos", that's very true.

Thanks for the reply :)
 
Think someone already asked if you've asked anyone out and your response was a bit evasive. Its not really about gender as to who does the asking its about taking responsibility for your own happiness. If having a girlfriend is important then I wouldn't be worrying too much about "Why should it be up to me to do the asking?" frankly its up to you to get what you want in life.

I used to be quite aware of looking young and I know it can be a bit difficult. I was handsome enough but skinny as a rake, girls used to say oh "I'd kill for your cheekbones or your legs", not the sort of compliments that you want as a guy! I also got told by friends mum's "when you fill out when you're older you'll be a catch" so I put faith in the future it being all ok lookswise but don't fall into that trap, I'm still pretty skinny!

Also don't take your current friendship situation for granted, things can change and although you might be sociable you might find yourself in situations where you struggle to find a consistent social life and its difficult going to a pub if you have no friends, you only need a few but don't assume you'll always have immeditate access to the friends you have now, they'll start moving away and marrying off come mid twenties.

So basically think less and act more; you have the social skills but you just have to put yourself out of your comfort zone, if you meet a nice girl ask for her number, drag her on the dance floor whatever it doesn't have to be super smooth, even admit to her you're rubbishness at asking but just ask. You have to be prepared to make a bit of a fool of yourself, but the offset is A: a girlfirend or B: A bit more experience and self confidence in your ability to find one eventually. You just have to put the hard yards in, while at the moment, you seem to be hoping one will fall out of the sky. :)
 

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