Am I egoistic or is it just a "Defense mechanism"?

Since the past few days, I've come to the realization that I have a swollen ego. I probably already knew that I had it but let's just say that I've come to the realization that it could actually be a bad thing.

The thing is, I have nothing to be that egoistical about (you know, the same old - not rich, not good looking...). But I probably put it up because it repels people which in-turn saves me from making connections and ultimately experiencing hurt in some form.

Now that ego, which I refer to as my "shell" has hardened and actually comes off as ego or arrogant whereas I never actually try to mean that. And because I have that, I probably come off to people as "proud" as first, which makes them respect me at my face and I don't know what happens later (but I know that isn't good).

Now behaving like this for all the while that I have has sort of strengthened my belief that I'm somehow right and I have a right to behave that way. I don't want to change that but I know that I have to and I know that I should. Sadly, I've kind of accepted it as a "personality trait" of mine and I feel like I can't change it.

Does anyone here have this problem? Any solutions?

Well, I've experienced all the "humbling" experiences in the world - failures, life problems, losses, you name it! Still, it hasn't humbled me (it has done just the opposite of that).

Why do you need to change it?

Because that can be bad, somehow?

Also, I feel like I'm pushing away people I could be forming a meaningful relationships with. Not that I care all that much but...

Moreover, I just feel like it brings about the wrong kind of personality. Not that anyone cares and not that my personality is that important enough for anyone to care...

You care more about how others might think of you than you care about yourself, right?

I'm in the same boat.

You sound too self-aware to be truly egotistical, and you're manner might not come across as arrogant as you think. Maybe you'r over-analysing in light of things not going your way recently.

Do you mean you think you come off as stuck up?

Truly egotistical people rarely understand that they are egotistical. It's generally the people who don't who are.

So you're being egotistical as a defense mechanism? If you don't want to be like that, then don't. Let people in a little, you don't need a defense mechanism. But if your big ego is part of who you are, I don't think there's a reason to change it. Having a big ego doesn't make you a bad person.

That said, I remember reading a few of your posts, and you don't seem particularly arrogant or egotistical to me.

I am having a stupid moment here trying to think of examples, what kind of situations make you believe you are egoistic?

Is it daily life encounters with people as in the way you act or your thoughts and feelings about those encounters?

Yeah, I also think some examples would help. However, as others have said, I don't think that a truly "egotistical" person would acknowledge the fact that they are, indeed, "egotistical." It's a time-held fact that we are our own worst critics, it's my current belief you may just be being hard on yourself. After all, it's good to have a little pride in what you do anyways. I mean, not excessive pride, of course, but you don't seem excessively prideful to me. Even you making this post shows humbleness in willing to accept your own faults.

Okay. How about "I come off as egoistical to people"? Yes, that means I come off as stuck up.

I meet people in a normal way but I just can't bring myself to continue conversations with certain type or people or get to know them. That goes for girls too and girls who are being too flirty or too cheesy, I just don't even bother to look at them.

So, new question! Is it wrong to have standards (in the kind of people you seek out for friends/relationships)?

No, of course it isn't wrong to have your own set of standards, especially if it's for a relationship of some sort. I don't think you're stuck up if you don't like associating with those who don't exactly line up with your moral values or what have you.

SomeoneSomewhere said:

So, new question! Is it wrong to have standards (in the kind of people you seek out for friends/relationships)?

Click to expand...

I don't believe so and it would be faking and telling lies if you continued with random relationships (friendly or romantic) despite feeling the way you do.
I always feel somewhat confused when people complain about standards and say ''Give him/her a chance'' even after you have noticed large incompatibility between you two!

Have standards, you deserve to have someone equal to you.