I attribute my attitude towards women from a healthy and loving relationship with my mother as a child. She was the boss in my family, and she treated my like an adult from a very young age. I used to go drinking with my friends at a local pub at the age of 16 (2 years underage) and far from being angry, my mum would often be at another table with her friends. It sounds a little strange but I should point out my family is Irish (and adheres to the stereotypes) and that I have grown up to become a person who doesn't drink that much.
Most of my close friends have always been girls, I feel more comfortable being myself around them and don't feel the need to compete as I often do around males. The only trouble I have with women is when the relationship moves from something more than platonic.
Of the 4 proper relationships I have had, I have only asked one of those girls out and it's not because I'm some kind of super-stud who all the ladies love. I have no problem flirting with girls I like and I don't tend to get nervous around the girls I'm interested in, I just for some reason don't feel comfortable making the move and pushing the relationship further. In two cases the girls had to practically twist my arm to get me to ask them, one of them lent me a CD with a nice letter inside explaining that she liked me and she wanted me to ask her out, I did.
I've often thought about what causes this and of course the first answer that comes to mind is fear of rejection. But the more I think about it the more I think this isn't the case, I have never given a honeysuckle what people think of me and have been rejected by people before and it usually leaves me with a well fresia you then, I'm better off without, attitude, not running for my pillow to cry into it. So I've been thinking that maybe its because I am scared that by asking them I could possibly ruin a good friendship and put them in an awkward position. Lately I wonder if I have too much respect for women.
One example is my complete inability to enjoy sex with someone who I don't feel a connection with. I am mentally incapable of sleeping with a girl casually, one night stands are not an option for me. I can see a woman as a sexual object but I can't, in good conscious, treat her as one unless its for consensual fun with a partner. This is something that used to bother me but I'm quite happy this way.
Another example happened two weeks ago. If you've read about my predicament You'll know I'm living in the same house as my ex-girlfriend. One night she came home from work and I could tell something was wrong. It turned out that one of her regular customers (she works at a pub) who is an alcoholic had become quite abusive towards her, calling her a ******* *****. To make matters worse, this man had recently became our new next door neighbor. In his rage he reminds her that he "knows where she lives." He is barred and the police are informed. A work friend walks her home and he is standing around not far from the pub watching her. Now even though this girl has caused me a lot of pain recently, I was furious. I can't abide men like him, complete scum.
She tells me she wants to have a word with him the next morning and asks if I'll just be there with her, just in case. So I stand just out of view and let her confront him, he was apologetic but he started to interrupt her and give some really lame excuses and I lost it. I have never been in a fight in my adult life, I tend to avoid confrontation and prefer to use communication to solve problems but not this time. Something snapped. Even though this guy is at least ten years older than me I got right into his face, I was fuming and basically demanded to know what he thinks gives him the right to throw abuse at young girls. I also pointed out rather loudly that while he knows where she lives, I know where he lives, and I know where he works and that he has his kids visit on the weekend. I told him if he ever saw her in public he was to cross the street and avoid her otherwise he would have me to deal with. I didn't hit him, I just wanted to intimidate him. It was totally out of of character for me and while it felt quite empowering to see this guy cowering in front of me, it also scared me a little bit.
So what's the deal here? Do I have too much respect for women? Can a person have too much respect for women? I'm finding hard to deal with this issue because I can't tell exactly what the fresia this issue is. It scares me that I could miss out on a great relationship because of this and even more worrying is what I would have done if that guy would have done more than just verbally abuse my ex, there is a good chance I could be behind bars right now.
Let the psycho-analysis commence.
Most of my close friends have always been girls, I feel more comfortable being myself around them and don't feel the need to compete as I often do around males. The only trouble I have with women is when the relationship moves from something more than platonic.
Of the 4 proper relationships I have had, I have only asked one of those girls out and it's not because I'm some kind of super-stud who all the ladies love. I have no problem flirting with girls I like and I don't tend to get nervous around the girls I'm interested in, I just for some reason don't feel comfortable making the move and pushing the relationship further. In two cases the girls had to practically twist my arm to get me to ask them, one of them lent me a CD with a nice letter inside explaining that she liked me and she wanted me to ask her out, I did.
I've often thought about what causes this and of course the first answer that comes to mind is fear of rejection. But the more I think about it the more I think this isn't the case, I have never given a honeysuckle what people think of me and have been rejected by people before and it usually leaves me with a well fresia you then, I'm better off without, attitude, not running for my pillow to cry into it. So I've been thinking that maybe its because I am scared that by asking them I could possibly ruin a good friendship and put them in an awkward position. Lately I wonder if I have too much respect for women.
One example is my complete inability to enjoy sex with someone who I don't feel a connection with. I am mentally incapable of sleeping with a girl casually, one night stands are not an option for me. I can see a woman as a sexual object but I can't, in good conscious, treat her as one unless its for consensual fun with a partner. This is something that used to bother me but I'm quite happy this way.
Another example happened two weeks ago. If you've read about my predicament You'll know I'm living in the same house as my ex-girlfriend. One night she came home from work and I could tell something was wrong. It turned out that one of her regular customers (she works at a pub) who is an alcoholic had become quite abusive towards her, calling her a ******* *****. To make matters worse, this man had recently became our new next door neighbor. In his rage he reminds her that he "knows where she lives." He is barred and the police are informed. A work friend walks her home and he is standing around not far from the pub watching her. Now even though this girl has caused me a lot of pain recently, I was furious. I can't abide men like him, complete scum.
She tells me she wants to have a word with him the next morning and asks if I'll just be there with her, just in case. So I stand just out of view and let her confront him, he was apologetic but he started to interrupt her and give some really lame excuses and I lost it. I have never been in a fight in my adult life, I tend to avoid confrontation and prefer to use communication to solve problems but not this time. Something snapped. Even though this guy is at least ten years older than me I got right into his face, I was fuming and basically demanded to know what he thinks gives him the right to throw abuse at young girls. I also pointed out rather loudly that while he knows where she lives, I know where he lives, and I know where he works and that he has his kids visit on the weekend. I told him if he ever saw her in public he was to cross the street and avoid her otherwise he would have me to deal with. I didn't hit him, I just wanted to intimidate him. It was totally out of of character for me and while it felt quite empowering to see this guy cowering in front of me, it also scared me a little bit.
So what's the deal here? Do I have too much respect for women? Can a person have too much respect for women? I'm finding hard to deal with this issue because I can't tell exactly what the fresia this issue is. It scares me that I could miss out on a great relationship because of this and even more worrying is what I would have done if that guy would have done more than just verbally abuse my ex, there is a good chance I could be behind bars right now.
Let the psycho-analysis commence.
