Always felt lonely my whole life, how can I improve?

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JCA550

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Hi everyone.

Ever since I was 10 or so I've been a loner, I always have hated being around people and in public places, it always made me feel very uneasy and nervous. I've never really had any friends at all, because everytime I tried to make friends and we had the same interests there was never a positive outcome, which was why I simply ignore people around me, even if I pass somebody on the street I know and they said "Hi." I wouldn't even look at them or respond, because I felt too nervous. That's why I also use Omegle, which is a online chat site just to talk with random people and still then I get too nervous to say anything at all, which is very sad. So I guess I'm extremely anti-social.

Talking about that, I put off going to the doctor right when I'm in pain just to aviod people, now I know there's nothing wrong with being a loner but to that length just isn't acceptable. I'm a VERY shy person with an even lower self-esteem but I can't help, I've been like that for almost 20 years. I only feel truely happy at home when my doors are locked and my blinds are down.

Another problem I have is a very bad case of commitment issues, not with women oh no, never even came close to a girlfriend, I'm mean commitment issues with things in general, I have always wanted to run in a marathon but every **** time I start running again I give up after a week, same with dieting, I give up around a week, and also whenever I try to write another book, I give up so quickly right when I start getting some good ideas for the story I give up and delete all of the notes I wrote. Same thing happens to me when I say the night before, "Right, tomorrow I am going to pull some weeds out" As an exemple, the next day I say screw it, why bother.

I've been like that through school as well, but I think that's how everything started, you see when I was around 10 we moved to Portugal and of course without knowing the language and living in a remote area with just farms around the school didn't have much to offer, basicly I would just sit in class not knowing what is going on and waiting for the bell to ring, I had no kind of help from the teachers at all and it felt like to me that some of the teachers went out of their way NOT to help me. I don't know if that was because they were way underpaid, or something but even the students would aviod me, so I guess ever since that I was forced to be a loner, and now I can't help but be a loner, I just really hate people a lot, and sorry for my bad grammer, never had the chance to focus my English for the better.

Oh and one other thing about school as you might of fiqured out yourself, since I got help from anybody I of coursed failed at everything, which lead to me bailing on school because it was literally wasting time, so without finishing school I can move on in life, I don't have a job despite the fact that my family has more than enough money it just isn't right.

At this very time, I don't even care about myself. I've given up on myself completly, I've accepted how everything is and I've try to commit suicide more than I would like to count but I'm too much of a coward to do so, I don't fear death and in fact I welcome it. I don't do anything at all these days except watch movies and play games because there's nothing else for me to do. One other thing, I just don't care about anything, not even my own mother.


If you are going to reply to this please don't say stupid things like "Get off your ass you lazy bum", or "Get a life". I get enough of that. I need something actually helpful and thank you for taking the time to read everything.
 
Hi! sorry for your troubles, it sounds like you are in a bit of a rut there... are you possibly an Highly Sensitive Person, that is the outside world in a sense is too much for you, too many stimuli?
this is a test, there are also books about it
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm
but, yeah, I have no idea if you recognize yourself there, but when you say that you feel uneasy in public places, I had the same thing and for years I thought I didn't like people just because it was too much for me.

For what concerns losing motivation in all things, that also sounds a bit familiar, what you tell about your school years is very sad, sorry you had to go through it. It sounds like life did a good job to try and destroy your self esteem, but now that you are master of yourself you have more power, but unfortunately you are the only one who can decide to do something. Clearly you haven't given up completely, and you still care about something, otherwise you would write here. Maybe you still have to understand what you really care about?
Honestly, the whole post sounds like depression, have you explored that direction? That also is a very powerful force that makes one stop before one even starts, and with all that you have gone through, it is not impossible that depression has been sneaking upon you, so to speak.
Hope you find a positive way out soon... great that you posted here anyway, when you write what you wish for, it's more likely to happen / hugs
 
I feel the same way around people, I get extremely nervous, I'm never at ease when I'm outside. I also lack the motivation, every single night I tell myself" I'm going to do this, this and that", but every morning I watch everything go down the toilet. I honestly can say that I have quit almost everything... I'm even thinking about quitting college right now.


And, like you, I had some issues growing up that led to my behavior.These last 3 months, all I've done is watch movies and series, completely disconnected from the world. It's not okay and I'm not happy but, somehow, it is easier to stay inside my house than confront the world and go out there.

I wanna be out there. But when i go, all I want is to crawl back to my bed, where I feel completely comfortable. I guess it's the years of loneliness that made us so used to it. Habits are hard to break, even if its bad. And I think that I prefer to be alone in my room, dreaming of a life that will never come than actually going out there and try to be the person I want to become.

I honestly don't have any advice since I'm not doing any better, but I am getting help and starting therapy soon. I've admitted to myself that I needed help, that I've been suffering from this depression and it will not go away unless I face it.

I don't know if therapy will change anything, but I'm sure it cannot make things worse so why not.
 
I used to feel nervous like you...being shy and all. After living with depression,family problems, no friends,gf or acceptance in my entire life, being shunned for little things and ignored I somehow gave up in a sense I no longer care about anything...its kind of depressing..most of my positive emotions vanished but..the nervousness and shyness with it as I no longer cared about human contact at all, and throw myself to studies and computer for all days,months,years till now which created a lot of pains in my curved spine from youth...wont last long when i get older heh.

I wish I could find a shy friend, the quiet people are the most interesting in my opinion.
 
A couple of points. First, there is nothing wrong with being a quiet person, a loner, or one who doesn't really care to engage so much in the noise of the world. There is not a thing wrong with that or you or the fact that you have that type of personality. I think introverts tend to feel that they are "supposed" to be like extroverts or be the bubbly life of the party or whatever. You need to learn to accept yourself for who you are and not only accept it but embrace it and allow yourself to be who you are.
Second, there are some issues in your life that have nothing to do with being an introvert or loaner. You do lack motivation. Having the desire to do something means absolutely nothing if you don't follow through with work/committment and so forth. You say to yourself "why bother or who cares?". The reality for ALL of us is that nobody can care about YOU unless you care about YOU. People can care for us to a certain extent. But, if you dont' care enough about yourself to at least push yourself to try to run the race of life, then others around you cannot carry you. You have to find a way to care about YOU. You could choose to spend your life laying in bed staring at the ceiling or you can choose to engage yourself in things that you find engaging. If nothing engages you right now, then you simply just have to start somewhere and find some things that ingnite a spark in you. Maybe learning to become an excellent cook and start cooking some great food for yourself or whatever. You said you want to run a marathon but you quit almost before you start. When i get up i tell myself that i
"have a choice everyday. To either live with the pain of discipline or the pain of regret". Living a quiet life does not neccessarily mean just lying in bed having a continual pity party.
Third, many of us hear do have times of lonliness. But, in reality you are using it as an EXCUSE to be less than who you COULD be. But, the only way you can be a better person is to actually ACT like a better person. ANd, yes, here it comes, get up off of your behind, even though you don't feel like and start HELPING to make the world around you a better place. Yes, go out right NOW and pull those weeds, and don't stop until you are DONE. Then tomorrow, do the dishes and mop the floor for your mom. EVERY day, you must make a committment to get up and do stuff that you don't feel like doing. But, i can guarantee you that this is the only way you will ever feel better about yourself. When you act like a better person by doing things beyond yourself you become a better and stronger person.]
Loneliness may be an explanation as to how you feel. However it should not be used or indulged as an excuse to fail your responsibilities or committments to other people or to yourself. Get up and get moving. And, yes, that really is the only answer. And, yes, you will still feel pangs and stabs of loneliness going forward, that is never going to go away. It is just part of the make up of who you are . But so what? Either use it motivate you or use it as your EXCUSE to lay there and do nothing. It is really your choice. And, you have one life to live and your life is now, today. Only you can care about you.
 

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