Getting Back On The Dating Game

Well, I guess I signed up here for a reason and this is it I guess.

2013 has been pretty rough. Lost the girl of my DREAMS because of a stupid mistake I did and I have been pretty much been beating myself up about it since February. Add to the fact I lost my job around April and this summer has been miserable. I feel lonely and worthless.

I've self harmed for the first time in my life this year and I regularly have suicidal thoughts. I have a lot of free time to dwell on "what if's" and it does hurt my self esteem.

This girl meant a lot to me and I squandered an amazing chance to be happy for a long time. It's gone now though. I still love her, I think I always will but there will be no second chance with my ex.

But there is a point where I have to get myself back on the game. I'm starting to apply for jobs again and I feel it's time to try and get back on it so to speak.

I'm having trouble though, I constantly compare every girl I meet to my ex. I hate it. My ex was gorgeous tbf. Quite possibly an outstanding woman. Her personality was superb as well. We fitted well together. I was punching way above my weight and I knew that. The fact I messed things up makes me cringe so much sometimes.

It has to end though, the self hate and the regret. I have to move on and try and FORCE myself to meet new girls, new experiences. I have to realise that people have made mistakes before and I'm not the first or last to miss out on chances.

Yes, people might say I'm not ready for dating yet but when is the time to be ready? I can't sit here and mope around forever. It doesn't work like that.

Has anyone been through what I've been through?

Hey Vader,

Sorry about you losing your girl, same thing happened to me this year and I know how much it sucks. Heartbreak isn't nice but you're not alone.

You need to get the self harm under control ASAP. If you can't stop yourself, then see a doctor. You'll come to regret it one day and having scars on your body will just remind you constantly and hurt your self-esteem for years to come. Same with the suicidal thoughts, I'm pretty sure they're normal but if you're actually considering it and not just fantasizing then seek help.

But you have the right attitude, there is no point in continuing to be miserable and hating yourself. It probably is a little early for you to move on, it sounds like you're still attached to your ex but that can't stop you from having fun. I say feel free to go out with some girls, just don't expect too much from it for now, just enjoy yourself and try not to dwell on the past.

I've been through pretty much the same thing, if you want to talk about it more then feel free to PM me.

Either way I wish you luck!

Runciter said:

Hey Vader,

Sorry about you losing your girl, same thing happened to me this year and I know how much it sucks. Heartbreak isn't nice but you're not alone.

You need to get the self harm under control ASAP. If you can't stop yourself, then see a doctor. You'll come to regret it one day and having scars on your body will just remind you constantly and hurt your self-esteem for years to come. Same with the suicidal thoughts, I'm pretty sure they're normal but if you're actually considering it and not just fantasizing then seek help.

But you have the right attitude, there is no point in continuing to be miserable and hating yourself. It probably is a little early for you to move on, it sounds like you're still attached to your ex but that can't stop you from having fun. I say feel free to go out with some girls, just don't expect too much from it for now, just enjoy yourself and try not to dwell on the past.

I've been through pretty much the same thing, if you want to talk about it more then feel free to PM me.

Either way I wish you luck!

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Well the self harm stopped around last month I'd say. I think the worst of my depression is over. I have scars on my left arm and I didn't think they'd still be here now. How naive hey? lol.

There is a lot of frustration and inner pain though. I'm bored a lot and my friends are usually working/at uni/have relationships. So there is nothing to do bar drink alcohol, play football or sleep. I miss the life I had with my ex, standard Mon-Fri job, seen my ex, seen my friends, played football. Basically I never had free time and I enjoyed it. It's all gone now and I haven't got a clue what to do with myself for the most of my time haha. Keeping myself occupied is hard as I'm not a fan of my own company.

I am still attached to my ex a lot, before we went out I knew her for two years through work and I always admired her and thought "what if?" and amazingly I got given a chance, was on top of the world but I screwed up so yeah, it's a tough one. A mix of tenderness and regret. Mostly regret on what could've been though.

I hate myself sometimes but I need to open up to new opportunities otherwise I'm just going to be stuck in the past forever, no matter how good it was.

Self-harm.... sighs

Bad hey? Playing football I still wear my short sleeve shirts. I'm sure some people have spotted it but no one has ever mentioned it to me. My friends supported me a lot when my depression earlier this year was at it's peak. It's still there now, I tend to oversleep a lot when I have nothing to do and I drink a lot more than I used to but I'm on the right track I hope. It's a long struggle. It's mental that I felt so bad over a woman really but it was more the self hate because of my mistake more than anything else. You live and learn I suppose.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever date again.

Is that you in your avatar? You shouldn't have too much of a problem if so.

Yes. That's me.

You'll be fine, lol.

CM Vader said:

Bad hey? Playing football I still wear my short sleeve shirts. I'm sure some people have spotted it but no one has ever mentioned it to me. My friends supported me a lot when my depression earlier this year was at it's peak. It's still there now, I tend to oversleep a lot when I have nothing to do and I drink a lot more than I used to but I'm on the right track I hope. It's a long struggle. It's mental that I felt so bad over a woman really but it was more the self hate because of my mistake more than anything else. You live and learn I suppose.

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It's just something I recently experienced.. well I didn't self-harm but someone else did.. I try to fight the thoughts of me being the one to be blamed for it.. but sometimes I just can't help it.

I'm sorry you went through all that. It's not easy when you're in that state of mind. But I'm really glad that you're getting out of that state and is wanting to improve and do better. You keep going, it will get better if you really want to and work towards it. I wish you all the best of luck.

I've always had confidence issues when it comes to talking to women.

@OP
Take it from me, sleeping in for ages only makes it worse. It's good that you can use footy as an outlet, I can't recommend any form of exercise enough. Tiring yourself out and releasing all those endorphins are a great natural way to combat depression. It sounds like you're well on your way to recovery, of course the pain will never fully heal, but it will be there as a reminder to not make the same mistakes again. Don't worry about the scars so much, anyone who judges you for them isn't worth your time anyway.

Anyway, I hope to see you around mate, you seem like a decent enough person and we could do with more English representation going on. Take it easy geezer.