Comparing yourself to other people

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theglasscell

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I was at the pool at this resort for the last four days. I wasn't really going to socialize or meet girls or anything like that. It was just to play with my son and watch him while he played with other kids in the pool.

I felt weird about walking around with my shirt off. I'm not in terrible shape but I am really fair skinned so I look white compared to most people and I'm not in great shape either.

I couldn't help feeling inadequate next to a lot of the guys at the pool. Like the lifeguards were so ripped and have golden tans and a lot of the guys were just really buff.

And a lot of the women looked like they'd stepped right out of Baywatch. It was just one of those moments where you feel like you are really low on the scale and then it made me feel lazy for not working out all the time.

Another thing is that I used to be a cutter from 14 until about 30 and my right arm is covered with horrible scars all up and down from wrists to my shoulder and even a few on my chest.

I get really self conscious about them and then I feel so stupid for having done it without considering that I was scarring my body, at the time I really just didn't care, cutting myself was always practicing to slash my wrists so it seemed like scars would never matter.

I feel like such a freak sometimes which is why I generally avoid beaches and pools.

Does anyone else have that issue? Where you go out and it seems like everyone is so perfect and flawless and you feel like you're the bottom of the barrel?

When I was a kid growing up my first exposure to pop culture was Nirvana and people like Kurt Cobain. At the time it seemed like being freaky or flawed looking was cool and it was okay to dress however you wanted. Then I feel like I carried that into adulthood and now I feel like all of a sudden it stopped being okay to dress however you want or have shaggy hair.

I know this post is all over the place but what it comes down to is feeling comfortable in your own skin. I just don't feel comfortable or feel like I'm honeysuckle half the time.

Like the other day at work I had lunch with my boss and all my co-workers and they were talking about how I was one of the hardest workers they'd ever seen and people were saying all these nice things and people will always say I'm so loving with my son, but I see myself as this freaky piece of sh#t. When I sit next to someone on the subway I think they must feel disgusted that I am near them.

When I go to McDonald's to buy a burger I feel almost like I have to apologize to the cashier for even being there and having them serve me.

Whenever someone compliments me I assume they are being sarcastic.

Does anyone else feel that way about themselves? Like no matter what they change as far as clothes or hair or anything that they still feel uncomfortable and out of place?

I saw this really fat guy the other day and he had zits all over his face, he had bright pink hair and a pink goatee plus huge earring. He was dressed in stupid Ed Hardy t-shirt but he carried himself in a way where you could tell he was totally comfortable with himself. I envied him so much, I just want to be that person, he can just be fine with themselves and not care if anyone looks at them weird or stares at them.

I hate always worrying about what other people think.

It could be anything. Like when I do my laundry in my building I will pour and extra cup of detergent in and I actually in my head will imagine the security guy watching me on camera and being like "Oh that guy is so wasteful, he just runs through detergent like it was free."

Obviously that guy isn't watching me or judging me on my detergent use, but I think of it and then it almost becomes real. I feel like I am insane that way.
 
Does anyone else have that issue? Where you go out and it seems like everyone is so perfect and flawless and you feel like you're the bottom of the barrel?

I do! I think this because others can afford to dress better and have nicer things then me. Plus I do come from the bottom of the barrel, so to speak. I'm working my way up though.

Does anyone else feel that way about themselves? Like no matter what they change as far as clothes or hair or anything that they still feel uncomfortable and out of place?

I do! For some reason, I think nothing I wear suits me. I think I have yet to find my own style. I think I will (like others) have to spend a fair amount of money on the right stuff.
 
I know exactly what you're going through, believe me I do. I know how painful it is to always feel like you're never going to measure up. I've been so upset about it today that I felt nauseated after eating my lunch.

I know what you're going through.


By the way, Welcome! I see that you're new here.
 
My attitude is: I can't be arsed. I don't compare myself to others because I don't see a point. We're all different. No one is supposed to be the same or just alike or on the same level. What's right for Joe is wrong for John. What's good for you might be bad for me. So I don't see the point. I do, however, think it's great when people get to share their differences, and that's how we learn in life.
 
I do know what you mean, and how much it can hurt. I'm struggling with something similar and I just want to tell you that it sucks, but these exact feelings won't last forever. When I was younger, nearly every day I would burst into tears sometimes if I saw a girl with larger attributes than mine or that I felt was prettier. Compliments rolled right off of my back and were forgotten, but I could remember an insult from 5th grade. I have been really working on changing my inner voice to not be so negative and hateful toward myself. I cut out the people in my life who contributed to my negative self-perception and (though it sounds crazy) limited the time I looked in the mirror and consumed media. When I think about my appearance, I try to redirect my thoughts and get myself back into the moment. I have good days and bad days, but I can feel my inner voice starting to change. I'm sure your son thinks you are the most perfect person in the world, so try to meet his perception of you and your own perception of you in the middle.
 
I hope I can feel confident again some day. The last month has really just destroyed all my confidence in myself.
 
I tend to compare my personality and traits to others' rather than compare my appearance to theirs. I get the feeling that most other people tend to have more self confidence than me, or at least they hide their insecurities and lack of self esteem better when out in public. It brings me down at times.
 
Skid Row 89 said:
I tend to compare my personality and traits to others' rather than compare my appearance to theirs. I get the feeling that most other people tend to have more self confidence than me, or at least they hide their insecurities and lack of self esteem better when out in public. It brings me down at times.

This for me too. I also don't compare job success, since I don't care about having a career anymore. But I feel like a lesser person compared to other people, like my personality just can't compete. I can't hide my low self esteem, no matter how hard I try.
 
Locke said:
Skid Row 89 said:
I tend to compare my personality and traits to others' rather than compare my appearance to theirs. I get the feeling that most other people tend to have more self confidence than me, or at least they hide their insecurities and lack of self esteem better when out in public. It brings me down at times.

This for me too. I also don't compare job success, since I don't care about having a career anymore. But I feel like a lesser person compared to other people, like my personality just can't compete. I can't hide my low self esteem, no matter how hard I try.
I can never manage to hide mine either, most people would assume just by looking at me that I have absolutely no faith in myself; I guess I just have one of those miserable, downtrodden looking faces.
 
I shouldn't do this, but I do.

I'm much more awesome in so many ways than others, though. So I probably shouldn't care.
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I shouldn't do this, but I do.

I'm much more awesome in so many ways than others, though. So I probably shouldn't care.
I'm awesome at being terrible at everything, a feat in itself I suppose.
 
Skid Row 89 said:
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I shouldn't do this, but I do.

I'm much more awesome in so many ways than others, though. So I probably shouldn't care.
I'm awesome at being terrible at everything, a feat in itself I suppose.

I'm sure you're not terrible at everything.
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
Skid Row 89 said:
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I shouldn't do this, but I do.

I'm much more awesome in so many ways than others, though. So I probably shouldn't care.
I'm awesome at being terrible at everything, a feat in itself I suppose.

I'm sure you're not terrible at everything.
I really am: Social skills, common sense, the whole lot
 
Skid Row 89 said:
Locke said:
Skid Row 89 said:
I tend to compare my personality and traits to others' rather than compare my appearance to theirs. I get the feeling that most other people tend to have more self confidence than me, or at least they hide their insecurities and lack of self esteem better when out in public. It brings me down at times.

This for me too. I also don't compare job success, since I don't care about having a career anymore. But I feel like a lesser person compared to other people, like my personality just can't compete. I can't hide my low self esteem, no matter how hard I try.
I can never manage to hide mine either, most people would assume just by looking at me that I have absolutely no faith in myself; I guess I just have one of those miserable, downtrodden looking faces.

I have that problem with my face too. My eyes are kind of sad looking so even unless I'm laughing or smiling I look sad even if I'm not.

The best example I can think of this is that actress Rose Byrne, have you ever seen her? She has eyes like that and she always looks so sad.

Even in that movie "Get Him to The Greek" where she played an ridiculous character she still looked kind of unhappy. I think it works really well for her in certain roles.

That's why people shouldn't assume things based on looks or first impressions though.

I think comparing yourself can work both ways too. Since I live in New York and ride the subway to work at night I see a lot of homeless people and some who are totally insane. The other day I saw a lady take a dump on a wall and walk away smeared with poop and she was clearly just a basketcase.

I don't mean to look down on others but no matter how down you are on yourself when you see something like that you can't help but think, "Well at least I'm not down to that level."

But at the same time there is something I envy in people who have gotten that low, there seems to be a freedom in it.
 
We all compare ourselves to other people in some form or another.
I look at people who have families and compare myself to them. I can't figure out why I ended up being the loser.

Unfortunately it is human nature to do that to ourselves.
 
blackdot said:
We all compare ourselves to other people in some form or another.
I look at people who have families and compare myself to them. I can't figure out why I ended up being the loser.

Unfortunately it is human nature to do that to ourselves.

This makes me sad. All I can say is, I hope you will look outside your traditional family to the people around you. You are surrounded by family, is my guess.
 
theglasscell said:
I was at the pool at this resort for the last four days. I wasn't really going to socialize or meet girls or anything like that. It was just to play with my son and watch him while he played with other kids in the pool.

I felt weird about walking around with my shirt off. I'm not in terrible shape but I am really fair skinned so I look white compared to most people and I'm not in great shape either.

I couldn't help feeling inadequate next to a lot of the guys at the pool. Like the lifeguards were so ripped and have golden tans and a lot of the guys were just really buff.

And a lot of the women looked like they'd stepped right out of Baywatch. It was just one of those moments where you feel like you are really low on the scale and then it made me feel lazy for not working out all the time.

Another thing is that I used to be a cutter from 14 until about 30 and my right arm is covered with horrible scars all up and down from wrists to my shoulder and even a few on my chest.

I get really self conscious about them and then I feel so stupid for having done it without considering that I was scarring my body, at the time I really just didn't care, cutting myself was always practicing to slash my wrists so it seemed like scars would never matter.

I feel like such a freak sometimes which is why I generally avoid beaches and pools.

Does anyone else have that issue? Where you go out and it seems like everyone is so perfect and flawless and you feel like you're the bottom of the barrel?

When I was a kid growing up my first exposure to pop culture was Nirvana and people like Kurt Cobain. At the time it seemed like being freaky or flawed looking was cool and it was okay to dress however you wanted. Then I feel like I carried that into adulthood and now I feel like all of a sudden it stopped being okay to dress however you want or have shaggy hair.

I know this post is all over the place but what it comes down to is feeling comfortable in your own skin. I just don't feel comfortable or feel like I'm honeysuckle half the time.

Like the other day at work I had lunch with my boss and all my co-workers and they were talking about how I was one of the hardest workers they'd ever seen and people were saying all these nice things and people will always say I'm so loving with my son, but I see myself as this freaky piece of sh#t. When I sit next to someone on the subway I think they must feel disgusted that I am near them.

When I go to McDonald's to buy a burger I feel almost like I have to apologize to the cashier for even being there and having them serve me.

Whenever someone compliments me I assume they are being sarcastic.

Does anyone else feel that way about themselves? Like no matter what they change as far as clothes or hair or anything that they still feel uncomfortable and out of place?

I saw this really fat guy the other day and he had zits all over his face, he had bright pink hair and a pink goatee plus huge earring. He was dressed in stupid Ed Hardy t-shirt but he carried himself in a way where you could tell he was totally comfortable with himself. I envied him so much, I just want to be that person, he can just be fine with themselves and not care if anyone looks at them weird or stares at them.

I hate always worrying about what other people think.

It could be anything. Like when I do my laundry in my building I will pour and extra cup of detergent in and I actually in my head will imagine the security guy watching me on camera and being like "Oh that guy is so wasteful, he just runs through detergent like it was free."

Obviously that guy isn't watching me or judging me on my detergent use, but I think of it and then it almost becomes real. I feel like I am insane that way.

try not to worry what others think. Try to have a inward arrogant attitude as well. I am polite with people but I don't feel inferior !
 

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