a new hope

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I

inafog

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my lifes in the shitter. i just had my heart ripped out by the women i was sure i was supposed to be. she took away the lonliness iv felt my whole life. iv never had a relationship with someone. i would talk to girls for a couple weeks and then we would sleep together and then i would completely stop talking to them. im not a scumbag, i didnt do it to you know add notches to my belt. i stopped talking to them because when i get intimate with someone i can tell right away if theres a future in it. and i have yet to see a future with anyone...almost...and i know it sounds shallow but i honestly thought and stilll do think that what i did was less painful than leading someone on for a while when i knew **** well there was no real deep emotional future. but that wasnt always the case. i dont believe theres only one person for everyone because a couple times i ended things with someone for truly foolish reasons. like i was(and still am) in love with this girl, i guess she was my highschool sweetheart. never slept together but we were in love, it was blatantly obvious but i was scared of missing out on what else could come along. and now its to late. but i know if she walked through my door and forgave i could spend my life with her...and thats happened another time. basically the same thing, too scared of what i might miss out on. so i finally meet someone who i connect with and from the second i saw i knew i loved her. but its apparent now she does not feel the same way and its killing me. i thought i found her and now i lost her. so im back to square one. i suppose its all my fault. for as much love as i have to give iv never fully let anyone in never really opened myself up to be loved. i guess thats why im so lonely. and i guess that why this is a new hope. this is the first time anyones ever going to know what iv been thinking, kinda scary isnt it
 
i know it's awful losing someone you love. even worse to think they don't love you back.

i promise you that someday things WILL get better.
do what you can to talk to this girl - maybe there's still hope.
if not, well, i suppose moving on is best. i know how scary that is and how shitty it is to think she won't be in your life anymore... but it will get easier as time passes.

i guess there's not much i can do to help you right now... but if you want to chat i'm here :)
 

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