The dilemma of social interaction

I will start by saying about me .
I am a shut in , even as a kid i was always an outcast.
No trips , no party invitation, no clubs, no outdoors activity. People simply didn't like me , and i didn't like them.
Even so, i tried and made some friends , as a kid .. Its easy as a kid to make friends .And i succeed . Those ware the good times...
But time ripped them apart from me . Or better said , once we didn't share the same neighborhood , school , high school , collage, they lost interest of keeping in touch with me . (Better make new friends in the new "social group" to have a better environment ). I learned that people are generally evil and self centered. Fact that has been proven time and time again . Yea people do good deeds , but thats only to try to compensate for their very nature, as we are self aware .

Getting to the main point ....

As i grew i became even more isolated .When some1 says "hello" on the street , i panic and sometimes i cant even respond back. My social skills are at a ultra low.

I dont do drugs , i dont drink , dont smoke . things that are catalysts for social interactions (its sad really , that most people need to get wasted to have fun in a group- i had friends like that, found it weird )
So i cant go to a bar lets say and start talking to some1 over a glass of bear.

At university , where i tried to go , i found that he same thing happens . Even if i try to talk to people , lets say about the subject they are currently discussing , i get the short cold answer (aham/oh/ good )and thats that .

Already i written allot , so ill make this fast .
1- Didnt finish any upper education
2- Didnt work at all , cant find
3- Bad at social interaction since i was little
4- Havent talk to people in a while


I would love to have again a group to be part of , like i did when i was younger. but here is the DILEMMA

I cant go on the street and approach random person and start talking.
I didnt manage at university to make any friend , though i tried and tried again . They simply "have nothing to profit" from being acquaintances with me . So i doubt i can make it at any other social groups .
There have been times when i got invited to middle school reunion or something (wow , my old classroom friends that broken off with me at their chosen REMEMBERED ME ) . But i never went , cause face it . What can i say there ," hey i didnt change at all since u knew me, i have no hopes and dreams, no job and education ,ah but i like ANIME and nice Porsche btw "

My isolation(my life )has caused me to have no topics of discussion. I cant even pick up girls (i never tried , to scared, but lets say it as a example)
I have nothing good to say about myself when some1 asks,
So basically im empty . Dont even know what kinds of topics i can discuss with random people.

Thats my dilemma , i find it hard to integrate in society if i got nothing in common with it. And to develop hobbies , traits , i need to be part of society (and round around we go )

So this 1st post became big .Srr for that .

Well, this sounds like a good old case of being bad at talking to people, and I for one am on the same boat. Much of what you describe I have experienced. I imagine if I keep going the way I'm going I will lose the few people I know to time too. When I am with people I have no idea what to say or what to discuss or anything. I honestly can't give decent advice, but from the sounds of it you just met the wrong people, though I'm not sure. In any case, after reading around the forum, I'm pretty sure the right people are here. Maybe someone else can be of more help, though rest assured you are not alone here.

I have the same problem with most people, especially in situations where, for whatever reason, there is pressure on me to talk. There are some people I find it easier to talk to, but over all I find it hard to think of things to say. For this reason I go out to structured activities such as discussion groups where there is a set topic, as there is something to fall back on then.

ayuchii said:

I dont do drugs , i dont drink , dont smoke . things that are catalysts for social interactions (its sad really , that most people need to get wasted to have fun in a group- i had friends like that, found it weird )
So i cant go to a bar lets say and start talking to some1 over a glass of bear.

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Some people feel that they need catalysts to enable them to be a little.. More socially flexible. That's fine, not everyone is the same. However, you shouldn't judge your friends for what they feel they need to do in order to hold conversations with people.
If they liked to go out and have a good time, have a few drinks then that should be okay. If they truly feel that smoking will help them improve their social relations, all the more power to them.

If you're RESTRICTING them from doing it, or judging them for it, that in itself could make it difficult to make friends, or maintain them. Perhaps the answer lies in you lightening up a little bit about it all? Of course, I could be entirely wrong about the situation.

Also, I'd like to point out that you do NOT need to drink alcohol at a bar in order to have a conversation with someone. It's socially acceptable to do so, however I'm more than fine with drinking water, juice, or soft drink at bars and can interact just fine.

ayuchii said:

There have been times when i got invited to middle school reunion or something (wow , my old classroom friends that broken off with me at their chosen REMEMBERED ME ) . But i never went , cause face it . What can i say there ," hey i didnt change at all since u knew me, i have no hopes and dreams, no job and education ,ah but i like ANIME and nice Porsche btw "

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You know what? Who cares if you haven't changed since the last time you saw them? Who cares if you don't have a job, or don't have a higher education?
I have know plenty of people who never finished school, who don't have a job, who feel as though they're going nowhere. But that does NOT detract from them as people.
One of my close friends, not the smartest guy in the world. I'll be honest. He didn't finish school, he's a locksmith by trade, doesn't really hope to be anything more. I still see the guy almost daily. We still crack jokes and laugh with each other, and we can still have a good time.

I'm sure if you went to one of those reunions you wouldn't be judged by anyone there. Because your material possessions do not define who you are. It's all about what's inside that counts.



I'd like to share a story with you about myself if I could.
When I was young, my dad used to be in a job where he was forced to move around the country a lot. Any state I was living in at the time, I was only there for maybe 6 months to a year before we'd have to uproot our home and move somewhere new.
Of course, growing up in Primary School with this, meant that it was VERY difficult for me to make new friends, especially when I started to believe there was no POINT in making friends because I would simply move away and lose them anyways.

It sucked. It sucked hard.
It wasn't until I was maybe 15 or 16 that my dad finally left that job and got one where we were finally able to settle down somewhere. I was going to a school with the ability to make friends with everyone, these would be friends that I could keep... But I had no idea how to make them anymore, I'd forgotten; purely because I'd shut the idea out of my mind.

So what was my first year or two like?
Tough. Some of the hardest years I had to face. Trying to introduce myself to new people was one of the most daunting tasks I'd ever faced. I never felt that I could do it. Holding conversations with people was near impossible.
But I persevered. There were a couple of people that would put up with me, and I would practice on them. Yes. I was actually practicing how to socialize with people at school. These weren't friends, they were test dummies. It took a while, I'm not gonna lie... I started to use what I had learnt, in trying to hold conversations with people...
It didn't help me at all.

One day, I was over attempting to LEARN how to talk to people and socialize, I just gave up on it. What happened then was quite odd, I started to be MYSELF and people actually begun to talk to me.
Yeah, I was flawed. Yeah, I wasn't perfect at social interactions but that didn't stop them from TRYING.
Before I knew it, I had a couple of friends. Never any more than a couple, but that was the way I liked it.

What's the morale of this story?
I knew nothing about how to act around people, I didn't know how to make friends because I'd all but given up when I was younger. I TRIED to LEARN how to do it, by trying to be something I wasn't, and it failed. The minute I started to be myself, not matter how flawed I was, or how boring I was people started to gravitate towards me and I soon found that people were asking me about myself, that I was able to make friends.

Now, how does this relate to you? Well... I suppose the main point I'm trying to get across is that if I can do it, so can you. You're human, just the same as me. There is absolutely nothing that separates you from me.
You can do this. Just like I did. Be yourself.

Not everyone smokes, drinks, and does drugs. Especially when they start to take life a little bit more seriously.

I don't know what to say. I hope you find a place where you are more comfortable.

Good luck friend,I had the exactly the same problem as you,the difference is I try to talk but end up uncomfortable and don't talk sense

Why don't you try drink, drugs and friends? Been there, done it, got the T-shirt, Loved it.

I'm now at the age unfortunately were a night of overdoing it causes me days of physical pain so I don't bother but anyone who says drugs etc are for idiots that can't enjoy themselves without it clearly haven't tried it.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

Why don't you try drink, drugs

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This is among the worst of advice i have ever seen.

To get to the point, if you're thinking of bars and all that to pick up friends, you're looking at the wrong places.

You say you have nothing in common with anyone, which is bullshit. Just like you, i don't do any drugs, don't drink or smoke. That's also a positive thing about yourself you can share with people. Considering you missed that, chances are very big that you missed more.

First, look for an interest that you have, without thinking of other people. Look at what you really want, or really like, find your value. If you know that, you can go from there.

-Sai- said:

Nice But Dim Jim said:

Why don't you try drink, drugs

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This is among the worst of advice i have ever seen.

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Why? because you don't drink or take drugs?

Don't be blinkered to experimentation.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

Why? because you don't drink or take drugs?

Don't be blinkered to experimentation.

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Because you might as well do it the hard way. The way that has no possible negative side effects. The way that costs you no money. The way that takes you higher as a human being.

Invest in your mind, and you will be surprised how much further that can get you.

Drinking or taking drugs just to fit in somewhere, or just to get over an anxiety that is otherwise doable to get over, is just plain stupid.

Getting better at interaction requires practice. So my advice is to practice as much as possible. The threads here are great for practicing in writing. There's a chat room that is more interactive. It is not unheard of to send messages here without having any former contact. Once you've established a bit of rapport with somebody here, you could try using Skype to send text messages, voice chat, and even to talk on cam.

As for all of your past experience: It's normal for people to drift apart, especially once they move. It doesn't always happen, but it does happen some of the time. Not everybody out there is "evil". There are plenty of people who have decent moral compasses. It is simply a matter of finding them. Sometimes, people don't mean to treat others badly, but it happens because of poor communication. You wrote a long intro, so you're obviously capable of expressing yourself with words. You just have to practice doing it until it feels natural- or at least easier than it is now.

There ARE people out there who don't turn to drugs or alcohol. This very site has multiple threads regarding that complaint. You just have to figure out ways to meet people who don't rely on those things. It can be done!