LittlegirlLost
Member
Hi Everyone,
I just recently lost my husband (who I was separated from) to suicide. The past week and a half has been hell for me and my stepchildren. I have days where I go through every single stage of grief in 30 minutes or less.
I felt the need to write just to say to those who are depressed or have been in that dark frame of mind that no matter how low you get, there is always a chance to change your life. There are a million resources. And even if you think you have no one who cares, believe me, there are. 130 people showed up to my husband's service. It ended up being standing room only. And this was a man who shunned all of his friends, pushed everyone away including his family, yet they were all there, regardless of what he did. Everyone felt guilty and incredibly sad. I remember thinking "if he only knew.." The funny thing is, he did know, but was ashamed and too deep inside his own personal hell to reach out, even though he had reached out before and made it through many times.
All he had to do was change his thinking, switch his perspective. He had brief periods in his life that he was able to do this, but unfortunately let tiny things beat him back down again. I want everyone to remember that this is our life and we can do anything we want. It may sound corny, but its true. People concentrate so much on what they don't have, or what a million dollars might do for them, but they don't do anything to gain what they want. Don't sit and expect miracles. I plead with you, do something, anything, even if its taking a walk and appreciating nature. The tiniest things can change your thinking and your outlook on life, if you want them to, that is. But please, try to want to. It takes work, but I assure you, the end result will be amazing. And most importantly, you'll be alive to experience your results, not dead and unable to feel the pleasure of your pain being less.
If anyone who has been through a loved one's or come close to suicide and made their way back to the light, I congratulate you, because I know how hard it is. I know how tormented my husband was, and wished he could see how great life really is, when you let go of all the things that really don't matter. We all need to be encouraging and positive on here to each other. I know this forum has helped me incredibly, and know it will continue to do so. As corny as it sounds, I'm still a believer in positive thinking. It works if you choose to do it. As a personal example, a few years ago I was broke, never thought I'd get ahead, had huge bills, couldn't save a dime, and was miserable. When I realized that my life was pretty good compared to other people in worse situations, I got my priorities straight and I was able to accomplish amazing things. I have my own small little apartment now, i got a job making a little more money,(I am in no way rich at all, I live within my means, which is probably pretty shabby to others, i don't even have a TV) but I hardly have any debt left. I am totally content and now spend my time trying to enjoy life and cherish every second. And I did not come into any money, or anything like that. It took self control, motivation, and patience with myself. Don't let something like money ruin how great this life is. You can get out of whatever you feel is holding you back, you just have to take the responsibility and take control of your life. I am incredibly proud of how far I've come, and anyone can do this, if i did it, believe me.
I don't want to write anymore just in case the anger phase hits again, and I don't want to offend anyone. What my husband left for me and his family to deal with is hell and I don't want to start ranting about that. But I assure you, no one will be better off without you, in fact, they will be very very worse off, in every aspect you can imagine.
I'm only writing this to try to help someone, even if its just one person, and even if its just for today. Remember the tiniest things can make a difference. I hope I motivated someone.
Thanks. Hope everyone has a good week. Please keep my stepchildren in your thoughts.
I just recently lost my husband (who I was separated from) to suicide. The past week and a half has been hell for me and my stepchildren. I have days where I go through every single stage of grief in 30 minutes or less.
I felt the need to write just to say to those who are depressed or have been in that dark frame of mind that no matter how low you get, there is always a chance to change your life. There are a million resources. And even if you think you have no one who cares, believe me, there are. 130 people showed up to my husband's service. It ended up being standing room only. And this was a man who shunned all of his friends, pushed everyone away including his family, yet they were all there, regardless of what he did. Everyone felt guilty and incredibly sad. I remember thinking "if he only knew.." The funny thing is, he did know, but was ashamed and too deep inside his own personal hell to reach out, even though he had reached out before and made it through many times.
All he had to do was change his thinking, switch his perspective. He had brief periods in his life that he was able to do this, but unfortunately let tiny things beat him back down again. I want everyone to remember that this is our life and we can do anything we want. It may sound corny, but its true. People concentrate so much on what they don't have, or what a million dollars might do for them, but they don't do anything to gain what they want. Don't sit and expect miracles. I plead with you, do something, anything, even if its taking a walk and appreciating nature. The tiniest things can change your thinking and your outlook on life, if you want them to, that is. But please, try to want to. It takes work, but I assure you, the end result will be amazing. And most importantly, you'll be alive to experience your results, not dead and unable to feel the pleasure of your pain being less.
If anyone who has been through a loved one's or come close to suicide and made their way back to the light, I congratulate you, because I know how hard it is. I know how tormented my husband was, and wished he could see how great life really is, when you let go of all the things that really don't matter. We all need to be encouraging and positive on here to each other. I know this forum has helped me incredibly, and know it will continue to do so. As corny as it sounds, I'm still a believer in positive thinking. It works if you choose to do it. As a personal example, a few years ago I was broke, never thought I'd get ahead, had huge bills, couldn't save a dime, and was miserable. When I realized that my life was pretty good compared to other people in worse situations, I got my priorities straight and I was able to accomplish amazing things. I have my own small little apartment now, i got a job making a little more money,(I am in no way rich at all, I live within my means, which is probably pretty shabby to others, i don't even have a TV) but I hardly have any debt left. I am totally content and now spend my time trying to enjoy life and cherish every second. And I did not come into any money, or anything like that. It took self control, motivation, and patience with myself. Don't let something like money ruin how great this life is. You can get out of whatever you feel is holding you back, you just have to take the responsibility and take control of your life. I am incredibly proud of how far I've come, and anyone can do this, if i did it, believe me.
I don't want to write anymore just in case the anger phase hits again, and I don't want to offend anyone. What my husband left for me and his family to deal with is hell and I don't want to start ranting about that. But I assure you, no one will be better off without you, in fact, they will be very very worse off, in every aspect you can imagine.
I'm only writing this to try to help someone, even if its just one person, and even if its just for today. Remember the tiniest things can make a difference. I hope I motivated someone.
Thanks. Hope everyone has a good week. Please keep my stepchildren in your thoughts.