An article on virginity

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/01/20-30-40-year-virgin/

What are your thoughts?

My personal view is that it's not just the social part of my virginity that I worry about. I also hate how much I want to have some form of sex (intercourse, oral sex, handjob, whatever), and I can't get that.

The part at the end about paying for it hit the nail on the head, though.

From what I read, the people who had sex before they were 18 regretted it. I'm the case where it somehow didn't count. I was young. I don't remember how young though. All I know it was before middle school. Plus, why do a lot of people treat love like a game, seriously. It's okay to tease around and such, but this really needs to stop.

Speaking as someone who wishes that I was physically 18 again, I wish I wasn't so ******* old. It's depressing that I'm an old man and that I've still not done it.

How old are you?

I thought you were around my age. I'm 33 and I don't feel old.

I was kind of depressed last night about lack of dating luck for the past 8 months and I found this book at work written by a Catholic priest and his ideas on some of this stuff made me question my desire for pleasure and attention from others.

Like he said that four false idols we worship in this culture are money, pleasure, beauty, and power.

Pursuing any of these four things will not lead to true happiness or joy in life and cause you to end up being spiritually bankrupt.

I think beauty is one of the worst ones because we hold up people simply for being artificially beautiful or living up to a beauty standard which is generally Aryan looks. Even when a hot person in pop culture is non-white it's only the ones who are really caucausian looking with big eyes or women like Beyonce who are so light they may as well not even be black.

But it's also a problem when all a person cares about is improving their physical appearance, working out just to be fit isn't going to give you a model body, bodybuilding and weightlifting are mainly done to feed the ego and vanity and to get attention, you might look better, but internally you will be lacking.

The pursuit of pleasure is another thing, people don't want to work hard or suffer to get anything in life, they just want to enjoy every day and they feel entitled to that joy. But you can't have true happiness without great suffering.

The priest said that self-sacrifice and devoting your life to serving others is the key to true happiness and to a worthwhile life.

So instead of being like how am I gonna get a girl to like me today, or how am I going to get laid or make more money, if you wake up every day being like "How can I help make someone's life better today?" you will lead a much more fulfilled life.

A perfect example of this is, have you ever talked to a guy who is a "pick up artist" or who gets tons of girls? They usually aren't even that happy. My friend Ed has gone through periods where he picks up several women a week but half the time he talks about suicide and can't seem to make it through a day without cocaine or a pint of whiskey.

Any man who sees women in terms of numbers like "She's a ten, or she's a 6," comes across as pathetically immature to me.

I have more respect for you from reading your posts on here than any guy like that.

I'm 30. I'll be turning 31 in late October.

I actually am fine with my body. I'd like to lose weight, but if someone can accept me for the way I am, I'd love that. I enjoy fast food occasionally, and have a soda habit. That's not going away.

I'd have a hard time dating someone who's a health food nut. Just not my lifestyle. Same as I'd have trouble dating someone who was a druggie, or who smoked.

The idea about suffering is definitely true. I think part of the reason why I'm so street smart, now, has to do with how many times people have messed me over. It has made me cynical, in a way, but I'm also less likely to get messed over again. I think this will lead to positive relationship experience, once I actually get into a relationship, because I'm less likely to be naive.

But our experiences are different. You've been married and had children. I've never even kissed a girl, or hugged her romantically, or held hands. It really doesn't compare. I would rather die a virgin, just as long as I can experience a first kiss on the lips.

What about a sexual surrogate? It's not like using an escort. They are trained therapists who can help you get used to that stuff and get past the lack of experience.

It's really hard to get someone to accept you for who you are totally. Most relationships I've had, at some point they started pestering me about my hair, clothing, my job, wanting me to chance everything. Things that weren't an issue in the beginning. Then people reveal their true colors.

I know we have different experiences but once you go a while without a girlfriend or anything similar you start to feel like you don't know how to kiss or do any of that stuff anymore. I feel like I wouldn't be able to do it.

I know a lot of my difficulty with meeting people also has to do with being too shallow. I am really trying to work on that. There have been girls I really liked who were kind of overweight and I was attracted to them but it was worrying about what other people would say or think that kept me from pursuing it. Being that way is really cowardly.

But I know plenty of guys who say they'd rather have their hand than be with a fat girl.

theglasscell said:

But I know plenty of guys who say they'd rather have their hand than be with a fat girl.

Click to expand...

That's really depressing.

Solivagant said:

theglasscell said:

But I know plenty of guys who say they'd rather have their hand than be with a fat girl.

Click to expand...

That's really depressing.

Click to expand...

I don't think it's a good way to be but it's just a shallow culture we live in.

So many guys just have harsh attitudes about overweight women. My friend is married to a girl who is big and he loves her, they have two kids and he treats her well.

But he will say things to me like, "Just get yourself a fat girl, they treat you so much better."

I like petite women. That's my weakness.

I'm not saying that I wouldn't date an overweight girl. But I'd rather have a petite girl. That sounds kind of shallow, but it's how I feel. I feel like I've waited this long, I might as well date someone I'm attracted to.

Looks or weight don't matter to me... Sanity is a must though... I guess it's just me and my hand !!

I tried to have sex once when I was I guess 35 but the person I was with didn't know what to do and neither did I so it ended up very awkward with neither of us getting anywhere.


I refuse to pay for sex though.

But I know plenty of guys who say they'd rather have their hand than be with a fat girl.
[/quote]


I don't even know what to say to this.....

Tangent: I though petite meant a short and skinny woman. Now it only seems to mean any slim one. Why?

blackdot said:

I tried to have sex once when I was I guess 35 but the person I was with didn't know what to do and neither did I so it ended up very awkward with neither of us getting anywhere.


I refuse to pay for sex though.

Click to expand...

Did you try putting your penis into her vagina? I hear that works.

Limlim> unfortunately it turns out to be more complicated than that from what I can tell.

blackdot said:

Limlim> unfortunately it turns out to be more complicated than that from what I can tell.

Click to expand...

Really I heard some give the excuse it just happened... I slipped and it ended up in there.... HOW DID THAT HAPPEN ??

They do have instructional videos !! I watch them all the time... And I even know what to do, and I practice when I am alone !! ALL THE TIME !!

it's still more complicated than it seems... especially when neither person really understands what to do.

blackdot said:

Limlim> unfortunately it turns out to be more complicated than that from what I can tell.

Click to expand...

Not really, I mean that's really all you need to do once you've got permission. Sure you won't be an absolute star in your first go of it, but practice makes perfect. The rest of the stuff is just advanced maneuvering to make it better. After two or three times you'll get better and the whole lack of experience thing will get forgotten.

Then you get to experience the joys of all of the things that they never show you in porn. Like vagina farts, which embarrass the honeysuckle out of the girl you are with. At which point it is your duty to point it out and and laugh so that way she blushes even more. Cause dammit it's cute when they do that.

I meant skinny by petite.

Limlim said:

Not really, I mean that's really all you need to do once you've got permission. Sure you won't be an absolute star in your first go of it, but practice makes perfect. The rest of the stuff is just advanced maneuvering to make it better. After two or three times you'll get better and the whole lack of experience thing will get forgotten.

Click to expand...

trust me, it's not something easy to figure out. I had my one chance. We couldn't figure it out and gave up. There was no 2 or 3 times.