Are my issues scarred into my brain and permanent?

I don't exactly know which subforum to put this in since it covers all 4 (loneliness, Relationship, Low Selfesteem/Shyness and social problems) but I thought I would put it in here since loneliness is the result of the other 3.

First off, I am male in my late 20's. I've never had a girlfriend before. I am not a virgin though. Just never had a gf and haven't been on a date in honestly like 8 years or so.

I also don't have any close friends. I have friends, friends that I've known for a long time, but most forget that I exist or forget to invite me places. Also, I am a very quiet person, so I guess they just don't like that and don't think about me much when it comes time to do things.

Also, it seams like my quietness has gotten more severe over the past 1-2 years while my issues were getting more severe. People keep saying on sites like this for me to be confident, be more talkative, and more importantly be yourself. First off, being myself is what has got me here in the first place lol. So, being myself is the problem. Secondly, being more talkative isn't a choice. Ya it is easy for me to tell myself that I am going to be more talkative the next time, but then when that time comes, it is like I am brain dead or in a coma..it just doesn't cross my mind. And then after the fact, I kick myself because I knew exactly what I should have done or said...but it is too late. That opportunity is over. And then when the next opportunity comes, it is the same story. Thirdly, it is hard to have confidence and high self esteem when the same things keep happening over and over to me. Hard to have confidence when you keep scaring girls away. Hard to have a high self esteem when you friends make you feel invisible.

To clear it up, my friends are good people, successful people and always out doing stuff. They have a big group message going between their iphones. So, that is pretty much where everything gets planned and also where all the invitations get sent out to. They don't include me on the group for one reason or the other. I know why, and it is a bit pathetic but it is what it is. And it is at the point where I don't care anymore. Me being alone just seems inevitable and this is just reassurement. I have one friend...who use to be my best friend in high school...idk if I was his since he had a lot of close friends. But, anyways, every once in a while he would copy and paste the group messages if everyone was getting together and would send it to me just so that I would know what is going on.

Now when we are already hanging out and then something gets put together there, then I am of course included. But it is when something gets put together in the middle of the week or through a group message, that I don't always get invited. And it could just be about grabbing dinner somewhere or grabbing some drinks or a movie. it is stuff like that, that I cherish.

Anyways, what I just explained isn't the why I am making this message. Those are just little additives that really fresia my brain up and paints a picture of my future. The thing is, my life have always been like this. I have always been that type of guy within my group of friends regardless if it was while I was in high school..or the group of friends I made when I went off to college, or now post college...which are the guys I was friends with in high school. We pretty much all moved back into town after college. But they all went to a different college than I.

Enough of little stories and onto my problem. I honestly thing that It has just been a part of my life since I was a kid, that it is permanently scarred into my brain, that no matter what I do. No matter how many How-To's books or forums I read, I just can't break it. And again, that isn't about confidence..it is about reality and how my life has unfolded and the experiences that I have been through.

Also I come from an extremely dysfunctional family. My older brother is a meth head who we are just waiting for a call from the cops telling us to come identify his body. It is going to happen. The guy is a disaster and has destroyed my family. Even before all of this, my parents never seemed like a married couple. They never showed any affection or any hint that they were even a couple. I've never seen my parents hold hands or kiss. And that is completely serious. So pretty much what I've learned from my parents throughout my life is how NOT to be like them and how not to do the things they do...it should be the other way. My dad was usually an uninvolved paranoid on and off alcoholic. And my mom is such a caring person..but way beyond to the extreme end. She means well but just doesn't get it. My parents act like they are parents of children. They don't know how to be parents of adults. So, I don;t have that relationship with them that I see all my other friends have with their parents. I want to have a relationship with my parents. But, I can only control my part. They don't care to work on their part.

so pretty much with all these aspects of my life really messed up...it has had a crippling effect on me. But if you just look at me..aside from being quiet..you wouldn't think anything is wrong with me. Everything just stays in..builds up and I've never had anybody by my side. I've always been alone. Both figuratively and literally. I know that my family is always there for me and by my side, but that isn't what I am talking about.

I am a very open, non judgmental, always standing in other people's shoes and making sure they come first rather than myself. But I guess I just come off as cold and uninterested since I am quiet. But I am not. Me being quiet is who I am and I am a very approachable guy. And it seems like every day I get deeper and deeper into my issues and it just turns me into a lifeless person, especially out in social situations. There is just way too much crap in my head. It never use to be like this. I've always been a quiet person but I never use to be lifeless and paralyzed like this.

Is this a chemical inbalance? permanent inbalance? Or is it something that can actually be fixed? fixed without drugs.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a quiet person. And while I don't think there's anything wrong with having a lot of things on your mind, if it's something that is new to you, perhaps you should try and talk it out with someone. If you're quiet, that's fine, and don't ever believe it's something to change, even in social settings. The lifelessness though... I've felt like this before myself, and from how I felt, there was something missing for me. My suggestion to you would to be to find that something missing. I honestly still feel that way from time to time. But being quiet is not a bad thing at all.

Honestly, there were so many little parts of your post that I wanted to quote in my reply that by the end of it, I just said to myself "to heck with it!" and proceeded to just refer it. I mean, seriously, I'm exactly like you.

I have spent a while here and if there's one thing I learned (that I'm yet to implement in my life), it's that you'll have to first find happiness in yourself, even if it means being lonely.

There's nothing wrong with being quiet and one of the first things that you should do is accept that. That's just a part of you, your personality.

And if people don't want to include you in groups, then let them go to hell! You don't have to rely on anyone to be happy, believe me. I was recently kicked out of a few groups myself for never participating in conversations and I didn't care. If anything, I was happy that at least, I didn't have to do with the guilt of not participating and not doing the job of being a friend.

So I'd say, start with a loner's lifestyle. And I don't mean it in a "I'm doing this only because nobody wants to be with me" - miserable way... do it because you want to do it. Try going to movies a few times a month by yourself (watching movies alone can be twice the fun because you actually get to enjoy the movie!), go to libraries, concerts and whatever you like, alone. And if you are meant to meet someone you are supposed to connect with, you will and make good friends who will value you and you will want them in your life.

Well, that's about all the advice I have to offer you. I have a super-messed up dysfunctional family too and I'm the least bothered. I'm an adult, I'm planning on moving out and living for myself than constantly worrying about what's wrong with my family.

I hope you find something of value there. Good luck.