Desperate for a girlfriend

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abbeyroad92

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I'm 21, and I'm just about to start my final year of university. I've still never had a girlfriend, and it really bothers me. I really want to be in a relationship. I want to fall in love.

I went on my first date ever earlier this year. The most I did was kiss her on the cheek. We went on 4 dates in total, but it didn't work out.

I really don't want to finish university, turn 22, and still be alone. I'm a virgin and haven't even kissed a girl on the lips before. I want to be in a relationship not only for my own sanity, but also to avoid looking like a loser to the people around me. I get so embarrassed every time I think of what my parents must be thinking about me.

I had a big crush on a girl at work. We talked non-stop and texted eachother every second of the day it seemed like. We had all the same interests and had the exact same sense of humour. I really thought she was going to be my first girlfriend. She always said how I was her best friend at work. She treated me different than any of the other guys.

I more or less told her that I liked her. I mentioned how people at work were wondering what was going on between us. She told me that she finds it annoying when people assume a guy and girl are a couple.

I was heartbroken when I heard this. Now I feel more lonely and hopeless than ever. I've had the exact same feelings of loneliness for the last 3 years. I remember posting in forums and message boards online 3 years ago about the exact same issues. Nothing has changed.
 
You are still really young.

When I was that age people met girlfriends and boyfriends usually through groups of friends, especially in college.

I met the girl I ended up marrying when I was 20 and it was because someone just happened to have my picture on their fridge door and she saw it and wanted to meet me. It was totally random.

It seems like people your age do a lot more online dating now though, I am often surprised by how many 20 year olds their are on dating sites as I'd always assumed those sites were more for adults.

Maybe you could try that out and make a profile.

Or join a class at a gym, especially something like kickboxing or boxing where there are usually a lot more girls than guys.

Or volunteer some place like an animal shelter or suicide hotline.

The more you increase your chances of having some random encounter with a girl you have chemistry with the better chance you will have.

Even with the online dating thing, have a profile and check it every once in a while but don't stress over it.

I find that to have a good social life you should try to limit your time on the internet as much as possible. A lot of people don't realize how virtual relationships and spending too much time online really damages your chances of having a social life in reality.

I once went two years with no internet connection and my computer was basically just a typewriter and I didn't miss it at all.

I spend way too much time on it now as is.
 
^ yes this. Only not sure if I recommend online dating, it works for some, but definitely what glasscell said about not stressing over it.
 
I agree that online dating is usually not the best option, I personally have not had such a great experience with it and probably won't go back to using it.

Just putting yourself out there more, in real life, is the best way.

If you're into dancing I would say take classes in ballroom or swing or something. My father is really shy and he met his wife that way.

I would love to have a girlfriend right now too, it's been a while, that kind of loneliness is hard. I have good friends, but nothing really replaces that sort of feeling.
 
being single means being free :D free from drama free from jealousy and free from heartaches.

Falling in love is not this ideal image that you have and it's not simple.

Just concentrate on your studies. You're still young, and you will deff fall in love in time and have a gf.
 
I've tried online dating before. I met the girl I went on my first date with online. I think it's pretty hard to judge someone from a profile and a few pictures. And even when you read their messages, the tone and everything is how you make it in your head, and probably nothing like the person in real life.

I know love isn't a fairy tale. It's just that I've been hearing the same advice for the past three years. Everyone always says that I'm young, things will change, don't worry about it. Well nothing has changed.

Everytime I see a girl my age or a little younger, I feel really sad. No one has ever had a crush on me.
 
And what's the worst that could happen if you don't get a girlfriend before you graduate? Some people will make a comment here and there? You really should develop a thick skin about that kind of stuff.
 
just remember..
the last thing that a girl wants in a guy.. is a guy that is desperate for a girlfriend.
in my experience, the times I have had the most attention and luck with the ladies is when my mind was on other things and wasn't walking around like a dog in heat.
the moment you let your guard down and stop trying so hard, they seem to come out of the wood work.
there is a fine line between being "on the hunt" and paying attention.
put yourself out there. don't hide. and don't ever let it show that you are trying to be anything but yourself.

that is all a guy can do. the rest is up to nature.
 
abbeyroad92 said:
I've tried online dating before. I met the girl I went on my first date with online. I think it's pretty hard to judge someone from a profile and a few pictures. And even when you read their messages, the tone and everything is how you make it in your head, and probably nothing like the person in real life.

I know love isn't a fairy tale. It's just that I've been hearing the same advice for the past three years. Everyone always says that I'm young, things will change, don't worry about it. Well nothing has changed.

Everytime I see a girl my age or a little younger, I feel really sad. No one has ever had a crush on me.

I would forget about women for awhile and concentrate on earning some money, living a life and having a good time.
 
I'm almost 10 years older than you, and I'm still waiting for my first kiss.

I am not gay or asexual, and just have a hard time finding love. It seems that men have a harder time than women in finding relationships.
 
Remember, wanting is not the same as having. We only want what we don't have... and we also tend to have what we don't want.

This is also why being Desperate doesn't work. Although the idea of needing someone to complete us is romantic, once the desperation is gone they are full and betray you.

When they are desperate their standards are lowered and they are hungry, once food becomes plentiful they become picky.
 
1.5 months into school and I haven't met anyone. It just hurts being alone. I want to be close to someone.
 
This may have been said to death, but I find that it's definitely true, you have a better chance of finding a girlfriend if you focus on your tasks and allow space for relationships to develop through them. Women don't like clingy guys, but when they meet a guy who is focused on his goals and has a purpose in his life, they get interested in him pretty quickly.
 
I more or less told her that I liked her. I mentioned how people at work were wondering what was going on between us. She told me that she finds it annoying when people assume a guy and girl are a couple.

well there are alot of complexities with working with someone you like or are dating. Like for many companies you can get fired! i think she said this to make herself feel less awkward since people are talking about you to. Why get annoyed that she said that if you two are, in fact, not a couple yet?
 
abbeyroad92 said:
1.5 months into school and I haven't met anyone. It just hurts being alone. I want to be close to someone.

we all do.
It's not easy for some people though.
 
jayme89 said:
I more or less told her that I liked her. I mentioned how people at work were wondering what was going on between us. She told me that she finds it annoying when people assume a guy and girl are a couple.

well there are alot of complexities with working with someone you like or are dating. Like for many companies you can get fired! i think she said this to make herself feel less awkward since people are talking about you to. Why get annoyed that she said that if you two are, in fact, not a couple yet?

I should probably update what happened with her. It became evident that she had no feelings for me. It hurt. I ended up leaving that job for a number of different reason (It was just a part time job anyways).
 
abbeyroad92 said:
I'm 21, and I'm just about to start my final year of university. I've still never had a girlfriend, and it really bothers me. I really want to be in a relationship. I want to fall in love.

I went on my first date ever earlier this year. The most I did was kiss her on the cheek. We went on 4 dates in total, but it didn't work out.

I really don't want to finish university, turn 22, and still be alone. I'm a virgin and haven't even kissed a girl on the lips before. I want to be in a relationship not only for my own sanity, but also to avoid looking like a loser to the people around me. I get so embarrassed every time I think of what my parents must be thinking about me.

I had a big crush on a girl at work. We talked non-stop and texted eachother every second of the day it seemed like. We had all the same interests and had the exact same sense of humour. I really thought she was going to be my first girlfriend. She always said how I was her best friend at work. She treated me different than any of the other guys.

I more or less told her that I liked her. I mentioned how people at work were wondering what was going on between us. She told me that she finds it annoying when people assume a guy and girl are a couple.

I was heartbroken when I heard this. Now I feel more lonely and hopeless than ever. I've had the exact same feelings of loneliness for the last 3 years. I remember posting in forums and message boards online 3 years ago about the exact same issues. Nothing has changed.

Baby you are still very young, I am going on 30 next year and Ive only ever fell in love once (when I was 28!), it ended up in heartbreak (I mean I felt my heart ache!) but I was so glad I felt love (I thought I was incapable of being that vulnerable with a guy due to my heavy armor), it made me feel human. But dont worry about forcing it, you can never choose who you will love and who will love you back, its actually scary when it happens and BOI do you act like a fool??!! There is a lot of emotions to control and take, its better to take time with matters of the heart, trust me.
 
abbeyroad92 said:
I'm 21, and I'm just about to start my final year of university. I've still never had a girlfriend, and it really bothers me. I really want to be in a relationship. I want to fall in love.

I went on my first date ever earlier this year. The most I did was kiss her on the cheek. We went on 4 dates in total, but it didn't work out.

I really don't want to finish university, turn 22, and still be alone. I'm a virgin and haven't even kissed a girl on the lips before. I want to be in a relationship not only for my own sanity, but also to avoid looking like a loser to the people around me. I get so embarrassed every time I think of what my parents must be thinking about me.

I had a big crush on a girl at work. We talked non-stop and texted eachother every second of the day it seemed like. We had all the same interests and had the exact same sense of humour. I really thought she was going to be my first girlfriend. She always said how I was her best friend at work. She treated me different than any of the other guys.

I more or less told her that I liked her. I mentioned how people at work were wondering what was going on between us. She told me that she finds it annoying when people assume a guy and girl are a couple.

I was heartbroken when I heard this. Now I feel more lonely and hopeless than ever. I've had the exact same feelings of loneliness for the last 3 years. I remember posting in forums and message boards online 3 years ago about the exact same issues. Nothing has changed.

Don't worry, I am 24 years old and have never had a real relationship with a female, or even my first kiss, all throughout high school AND college. I only knew them as acquaintances during high school, and I use that term VERY loosely at that. In college I knew almost none at all after first semester. Literally. If I did know any, it was only for school work and nothing else. That is roughly 10 years of my life starting from age 13 until now. I feel your frustration and loneliness, especially due to my visual impairment. "sigh"
 
You should check out RSD. Look at their website and they also have a lot of incredibly valuable material on youtube.

The major concepts they focus on to get girls are building a good lifestyle, having fun, confidence, not seeking validation from other people and focusing on the process instead of the outcome. If you're not already talking to a lot of girls, it will probably take you a while to really internalize the ideas they give you. I've been reading and watching their material for about a year and I'm only just starting to get it through my head because I don't talk to enough girls. But once you start to understand it, you realise it's so much better than the traditional advice on girls you get which never really works. Plus it's not just about attracting girls, it will also help to better yourself overall.

One thing, I would warn you about though is choose carefully which of their youtube videos you watch. They seriously have so much gold on youtube but a lot of it is intended for a more advanced audience. I made the mistake of watching a lot of the more advanced stuff and it kind of screwed me. If you PM me, I could send you some links to some of their videos that would really help you.

Right now it sounds like you're too desperate to get a girlfriend and girls will pick up on that, especially if you're texting them every second of the day. Texting should mainly just be a means to organise dates with a girl, instead of having long conversations. Read what the RSD guys say about abundance.
 

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