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Batman55

Batman55

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Have you ever been in a forum, even this one, and tried to explain either a problem or a desire you have in life, and then gotten frustrated and venting.. only to find very quickly, anyone who responds in your thread is calling you a terrible person, you're twisted, misogynistic, this and that?

It is like people are taking my frustration at face value, as if my bad mood is completely representative of the person I really am. Do people sometimes forget that "hateful writing" is the product of pent-up rage?

I've even tried to explain my actions and tried to readjust the views of this "mob," but it seems that efforts to make things right just makes it even worse, they say "I'm even more twisted" than thought, when I believed my apology painted me in a better light.

Either way I'm 32 now, and I'm not going to let the nasty opinions of random people change the way I see myself. I used to do that, and it wasn't good for me.
 
Hey Batman55,
I have not had this happen to me. But I have seen it happen on occasion, and either the Mod's have intervened or the people give their apologies and move on. I am curious though, when you say:

"...only to find very quickly, anyone who responds in your thread is calling you a terrible person, you're twisted, misogynistic, this and that?"

"I've even tried to explain my actions and tried to readjust the views of this "mob," but it seems that efforts to make things right just makes it even worse, they say "I'm even more twisted" than thought, when I believed my apology painted me in a better light."

Is this in reference to an experience you have had on this forum?
 
Garbageman said:
Hey Batman55,
I have not had this happen to me. But I have seen it happen on occasion, and either the Mod's have intervened or the people give their apologies and move on. I am curious though, when you say:

"...only to find very quickly, anyone who responds in your thread is calling you a terrible person, you're twisted, misogynistic, this and that?"

"I've even tried to explain my actions and tried to readjust the views of this "mob," but it seems that efforts to make things right just makes it even worse, they say "I'm even more twisted" than thought, when I believed my apology painted me in a better light."

Is this in reference to an experience you have had on this forum?
Click to expand...

No, somewhere else right now. Seemingly I have no one to defend me there now, and it bothers me, so I came here to complain.

This has happened to me so many times, though, that I start to wonder if I really am the sick, twisted, terrible person they say I am.

I know better than to believe what random people say, nowadays, but I can't lie.. it still gets to me.
 
Hey Batman, after the day I have had you are a prince ! LOL... I hope that the advice I have given gave you some ideas.... I have only come un-clued like that once on someone....

If it makes you feel better, you are not alone. But sometimes people misunderstand, or just don't know what to say... But the biggest problem is the same one that has plagued man kind since the beginning of time. So people just can't control what they say.

If you need someone to talk to, I got all the time in the world. And guess what ? My family is gone , and I have no relatives. So trust me I know and understand what it's like to have nobody. So if you want to rant WITHOUT getting hit by a barrage of people coming at you, I can just listen too.
 
I wouldn't really care about that, everyone vents sometime.
 
Thanks for the advice.

I think another part of the issue is, I can be very blunt about how I see things. For example if--and this is only hypothetical--I was going online to talk about a desire for more money, I'm not going to hint at it and say "you know I just need something better in life.. I'd love any and all advice and I'm sure I'll use all the advice I get and I'll see the shrink and go read the self-help books and all".. that's not me.

I'm going to say, you know, I need more money! And then I'm going to say, it's really hard for me to make money, don't expect me to fix this problem overnight, and so on...

And I don't understand it, but people seem to think that's a terrible attitude. But here's the rub, it's honest. I thought honesty was good? I'm not going to waste my time dressing everything up in niceties and writing between the lines, that is not my style and never will be.
 
Well, did you ever stop to think that if what your doing doesn't work, to try something different ?

Albert Einstein gave the definition of INSANITY : Doing the same thing over and over and over again, BUT each time expecting a different result.

Hell of a road you chose to take.... your on a oval race track going nowhere.... OH look !! Another left turn !!
 
Batman55 said:
Thanks for the advice.

I think another part of the issue is, I can be very blunt about how I see things. For example if--and this is only hypothetical--I was going online to talk about a desire for more money, I'm not going to hint at it and say "you know I just need something better in life.. I'd love any and all advice and I'm sure I'll use all the advice I get and I'll see the shrink and go read the self-help books and all".. that's not me.

I'm going to say, you know, I need more money! And then I'm going to say, it's really hard for me to make money, don't expect me to fix this problem overnight, and so on...

And I don't understand it, but people seem to think that's a terrible attitude. But here's the rub, it's honest. I thought honesty was good? I'm not going to waste my time dressing everything up in niceties and writing between the lines, that is not my style and never will be.
Click to expand...

How I can relate, O caped crusader! I used to be blunt as hell online in my early 20's, then became much more polite because I figured that "open communication" & "sensitivity" were a better way to reach people (that was the dominant zeitgeist in the mid-1990's--remember all that?). But, the fact is that people judge by first impressions, whether in real life or online. Even though that first impression can be & sometimes is erroneous, it's what the unwashed masses go by nonetheless. You've had a bad day, drop in at a forum & say what's going through your head, & whoever reads it thinks "That must be what he's like all the time." In the last three years or so, I've decided that tip-toeing around to prevent anyone from crinkling their crinolines is a waste of time more often than not.

Look for those who you can relate to & who get where you're coming from, & give them your time & attention, & a sympathetic ear when they need it of course. Everyone else, don't bother with unless you have to. It's the only way to find decent friends, good sir.
 
Yeah I guess it makes me a hypocrite. I tend to sometimes be blunt, and then get really annoyed when some other blunt person gets into it with me. Just happened again today, in fact.

I think I'll just have to keep my mouth shut more often, *sigh* I would say its more often that something bad happens when I post anything these days.
 
I wouldn't not post just because you don't want any negative feedback. I would post what you feel you want to post, and you will get the good and the bad, and everything in-between depending on where people are at when they post. You can read it all and take from it whatever you find useful. You can respond only to the responses you choose. You don't have to take it personally, people come from all different walks, and add to that it is all to easy to misunderstand people through online communication. It would do everyone some good to cut everyone some slack. And most of the time people do, there are a lot of emotions going on here and it is impossible to not have them get tangled. But in my short time here so far I have seen a lot of maturity and some sincere apologies when this happens. And I would wager there is a lot more that happens behind the scenes via PM's.

Even in some of the rude, angry, critical, mean posts, they are usually from someone who cares, and they may make valid points, and sometimes have meaningful advise, it just happens to be in a difficult format to receive. And yes there are some posts that may have nothing worth while to offer you, you can simply ignore those. You can learn a lot by looking at the responses you get even when they are not necessarily the responses you want.

All that being said sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the best option. But don't not post because you are worried about negative feedback. At least thats my opinion on the matter. Take care and I hope to continue to see posts from you.
 
Garbageman said:
I wouldn't not post just because you don't want any negative feedback. I would post what you feel you want to post, and you will get the good and the bad, and everything in-between depending on where people are at when they post. You can read it all and take from it whatever you find useful. You can respond only to the responses you choose. You don't have to take it personally, people come from all different walks, and add to that it is all to easy to misunderstand people through online communication. It would do everyone some good to cut everyone some slack. And most of the time people do, there are a lot of emotions going on here and it is impossible to not have them get tangled. But in my short time here so far I have seen a lot of maturity and some sincere apologies when this happens. And I would wager there is a lot more that happens behind the scenes via PM's.

Even in some of the rude, angry, critical, mean posts, they are usually from someone who cares, and they may make valid points, and sometimes have meaningful advise, it just happens to be in a difficult format to receive. And yes there are some posts that may have nothing worth while to offer you, you can simply ignore those. You can learn a lot by looking at the responses you get even when they are not necessarily the responses you want.

All that being said sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the best option. But don't not post because you are worried about negative feedback. At least thats my opinion on the matter. Take care and I hope to continue to see posts from you.
Click to expand...

This.
 
Actually I have found on some forums, asking for help and advice with... For example, training my dog...I got ridiculous answers, one of which concluded that I beat the crap out of my dog, because I don't use treats for 110% of everything, or use a high squealy voice for "OH EM GEE SUCH A GOOD DOG EEEEEEEE!" behavior -.- I don't have the mental ability to do that lol.

I just avoid certain forums due to the fact sometimes I feel rather... alienated. Isolated. And overall, have NOT been helped with the question I had at hand.

I have found this forum has come a long way, which is amazing and great all at the same time. You will get random negativity, or criticism... But for the most part people try to word it nicer (remember, typed words lack tone!), explain their reasonings, etc.
 
Hey man... I can relate to that Alienated feeling !! It's almost like you could just call me that !!

I have learned not to ask to many questions, just because the answers are OUT THERE !! But I have to admit I do like being a smart-ass, it's the only form of entertainment I still enjoy. But my sense of humor isn't always taken well, it seems to be beyond some.
 
Have you ever been in a forum, even this one, and tried to explain either a problem or a desire you have in life, and then gotten frustrated and venting.. only to find very quickly, anyone who responds in your thread is calling you a terrible person, you're twisted, misogynistic, this and that?

Yes! On here actually. I had an issue in Chat. I tried explaining the situation to a staff member. But they had none of it. I wasn't called twisted or anything bad like that. Nor did it frustrate me. But I was basically seen as the one in the wrong, no matter how much I explained and justified the situation. Writing walls of text got pretty boring, pretty fast. So I said screw it.

If people aren't willing to listen to you, there isn't much point, if any, in trying.
 
Gutted said:
Have you ever been in a forum, even this one, and tried to explain either a problem or a desire you have in life, and then gotten frustrated and venting.. only to find very quickly, anyone who responds in your thread is calling you a terrible person, you're twisted, misogynistic, this and that?

Yes! On here actually. I had an issue in Chat. I tried explaining the situation to a staff member. But they had none of it. I wasn't called twisted or anything bad like that. Nor did it frustrate me. But I was basically seen as the one in the wrong, no matter how much I explained and justified the situation. Writing walls of text got pretty boring, pretty fast. So I said screw it.

If people aren't willing to listen to you, there isn't much point, if any, in trying.
Click to expand...

Yeah, it bothers me that in situations like this, they don't allow you to justify your position, claiming it is all an excuse or just more reflective of your poor character. A lot of them will then essentially talk about your terrible ways as if it is an absolute truth. But to me it makes no sense that some random stranger can claim to really understand your motivations.
 
Yup, I've just came away from a forum I was a big part of for five years due to the place taking a very unexpected and sudden political change in ideology.

Overnight the place became saturated with extreme right wing bigots yet the mods and owners enjoyed the upturn in traffic instead of stamping it out... there was a bit of an exodus with a few prominent posters leaving.

I was one of the very few who stood up against them, but they somehow had turned the mods heads.... was weird such a great place turn to honeysuckle overnight.

Needless to say the names were flying, with the wing nuts given a free pass by the mods to throw abuse and insults at people while those who stood up against their utterly unprovoked attacks were banned or utterly mocked in the most disgusting manner.

They reap what you sow , they say and I expect said forum to crumble to the ground.
 
I will say that I've had a few well-needed and overdo rants to get out... FRIENDS I had in PERSON, and random strangers did not hesitate to tell me to shut up? I've given up defending my position, and usually end up blocking/ignoring the people who in turn piss me off. People want to start a fight, well they can end up ranting to themselves because I'm not wasting my breath on them.


If you want to rant, I have found some things do help. Without posting it. Either typing the hell out of that rant, every in and out...
Or writing a nice, detailed letter about every thing and every person that has done you wrong, pissed you off etc. I did that about my old workplace.

I did it by the people's NAMES, made it out so it explained EXACTLY how they act, how I felt about it, and how I think they needed to act. And no, swears were NOT left out :) And the letter was never read by anyone but me. It's a "let it out, throw it out" method. Not for everyone, but it can help. Technically ranting just let's you "let it out". Instead of not letting it out, and letting it fester... Let it out.
 

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