T
TheMan
Guest
Well, this is my first post. To tell ya'll the truth, I don't know if I'm lonely or not. This may sound silly, but I'll explain it in a second.
First and foremost, allow me to explain my friend situation.
I started off bright and young; at 14 I had approximately 5 extremely good friends. We were all friends with each other, so on and so forth. In the past 3 years the following has happened:
One of my friends became a drug addict, so I stopped hanging out with him, and told him I didn't associate with drug addicts. This was after he asked if I wanted to smoke crack with him one day.
My best friend of the five succumbed to the drugs from the previous. I told him as I told the other I don't associate with drug addicts.
One friend simply moved away to louisiana. He calls every couple of months or so, but we don't talk much.
Another began drinking, and steadily drank more and more until he crashed his van into a parked car. Whats more, when the police arrived, they found drugs in his van. As it turned out, he too had joined with the initial two for drugs. I stopped talking to him as well.
Finally comes the last friend. He got a girlfriend and stopped talking to me for 8 months. He talks to me again when she breaks up with him; begging me to talk to her for him, drive him over to her house, etc. I decline. He says if I won't help him he doesn't need to be my friend. I stopped talking to him as well.
All of these people were, initially, good people. I don't know exactly what happened.
Next is my student life. Much like one of the other users I saw on here (KungFuGuestMasta; I'm a long time lurker), I started college at age 13 after being homeschooled from the age of 10. I currently hold my associates degree, and like him, feel estranged from the college crowd. Just now I am 17, almost as old as the freshmen, but am a senior, and get my bachelors next fall. All of the students in the classes I take are usually friendly, until the semester ends, and then I never see them again. I have since stopped hoping for these semester friendships to pan out to something greater.
Now that I've explained the essentials, what I find is that I may be lonely. I have no girlfriend, no possible girlfriend, and no plain friends. I often find myself disgusted by the acts people my same age partake in, and I'm usually too young to hang out with the people from college, not that they'd last longer than the semester anyway. I once again THINK I'm lonely, but I halt on this possibility for two reasons. One, I have Schizoid personality disorder, and don't think someone with this disorder feels lonely. Secondly, I analyze my thoughts thoroughly, and can't tell if these feelings of loneliness are purely inventions of the mind or if I genuinely feel them. I can't tell which I am. On top of this, I don't always feel lonely. It's usually random, which makes me think it's when my mind wonders as to what I'll do with whom, and when I realize the possibilities, I consider the emotion of loneliness.
I don't quite know what the point of this is, exactly. Mostly venting; I feel better already. Also it's a bit of an introduction, but most of all I'd like to hear what you guys have to say.
First and foremost, allow me to explain my friend situation.
I started off bright and young; at 14 I had approximately 5 extremely good friends. We were all friends with each other, so on and so forth. In the past 3 years the following has happened:
One of my friends became a drug addict, so I stopped hanging out with him, and told him I didn't associate with drug addicts. This was after he asked if I wanted to smoke crack with him one day.
My best friend of the five succumbed to the drugs from the previous. I told him as I told the other I don't associate with drug addicts.
One friend simply moved away to louisiana. He calls every couple of months or so, but we don't talk much.
Another began drinking, and steadily drank more and more until he crashed his van into a parked car. Whats more, when the police arrived, they found drugs in his van. As it turned out, he too had joined with the initial two for drugs. I stopped talking to him as well.
Finally comes the last friend. He got a girlfriend and stopped talking to me for 8 months. He talks to me again when she breaks up with him; begging me to talk to her for him, drive him over to her house, etc. I decline. He says if I won't help him he doesn't need to be my friend. I stopped talking to him as well.
All of these people were, initially, good people. I don't know exactly what happened.
Next is my student life. Much like one of the other users I saw on here (KungFuGuestMasta; I'm a long time lurker), I started college at age 13 after being homeschooled from the age of 10. I currently hold my associates degree, and like him, feel estranged from the college crowd. Just now I am 17, almost as old as the freshmen, but am a senior, and get my bachelors next fall. All of the students in the classes I take are usually friendly, until the semester ends, and then I never see them again. I have since stopped hoping for these semester friendships to pan out to something greater.
Now that I've explained the essentials, what I find is that I may be lonely. I have no girlfriend, no possible girlfriend, and no plain friends. I often find myself disgusted by the acts people my same age partake in, and I'm usually too young to hang out with the people from college, not that they'd last longer than the semester anyway. I once again THINK I'm lonely, but I halt on this possibility for two reasons. One, I have Schizoid personality disorder, and don't think someone with this disorder feels lonely. Secondly, I analyze my thoughts thoroughly, and can't tell if these feelings of loneliness are purely inventions of the mind or if I genuinely feel them. I can't tell which I am. On top of this, I don't always feel lonely. It's usually random, which makes me think it's when my mind wonders as to what I'll do with whom, and when I realize the possibilities, I consider the emotion of loneliness.
I don't quite know what the point of this is, exactly. Mostly venting; I feel better already. Also it's a bit of an introduction, but most of all I'd like to hear what you guys have to say.