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Openness vs Secrecy
It has been said men like everything to be out in the open, while women prefer subtlety, or to operate in secrecy.

I know I prefer openness; I need to know where I stand, I like problems to come out in the open so they get resolved, I don't like disharmony or head games. If I have to live in a cloud of suspesion I'd rather just be alone.

On the other hand, if I'm stuck being with someone then I prefer secrecy, especially if I can't relate to them. The more at odds we are, the more I will need to live a private life where I can express the qualities I cannot around the person I am stuck with.

Openness furthers intimacy while secrecy hinders it. Therefore secrecy is improper when one is seeking intimacy in a relationship. The extremely self obsessed may feel the need to be secretive all the time. It is fundamentally selfish, that is of the self, and only self serving.

Openness is easy (in the sense of not having to have secrets) and preferable whereas secrecy requires effort and planning, so that secrecy is almost always intended to conceal conflicts that would otherwise take place. You can't run away from conflicts without eventually running away from the person you love altogether. Secrecy does nothing useful and the women who insist upon it are not suitable for lasting relationships.

Thus while secrecy may appear to be some nebulous female quality one must accept, it is in reality a dealbreaker of the highest order. It is a sure sign that both of you would be happier with someone else.

If a man lives for harmony, then harmony comes through pleasing the man. If a woman lives for disharmony, then disharmony comes through curtailing to the woman. Perhaps if we sought harmony instead of secrecy through openness and truth, those dwindling marriage statistics would have a comeback.

The I-Ching dedicated an entire hexagram to making this point: Kou, coming to meet: "We see a female who is bold and strong, it will not be good to marry such a female."
I'm not sure if that is really a man or woman issue but more so with certain personality types. I totally agree with the need of openness in a relationship as well as friends. It's the only way to solve problems before they become bigger. Smile
The properties of the masculine and feminine do not change (positive vs negative, etc) Living beings, while predominantly male or female, are composed of many masculine and feminine qualities. The nature of the deep binary proton layer beneath the subatomic is fully manifest in the computer. To form any picture requires a vast array of 1s and 0s.

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