Why does society look suspiciously upon the loner?

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Brianna-1982

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The Wikipedia Loner entry says:

The modern term "loner" can be used with a negative connotation[3] in the belief that human beings are social creatures and those that do not participate are deviant.[4][5]

I have always wondered why society views the loner type person as somebody that needs help or has a personality disorder. Obviously that can be true sometimes; Certain loners do need help, but others might have perfectly justifiable reasons for needing isolation.

What do you think about this? To what extent are human beings social creatures?
 
All throughout history people have regarded others that don't follow the norm, as being different in a negative way.

For years I used to do work in peoples homes. And the older people never failed to ask if I was married or seeing someone. And when I said no, it was like there must be something wrong with me. I know they didn't mean to.. but they would just go on and on about how I should be with someone.

All they did was make me feel unwanted even worse, and I would have to smile and make sure I didn't offend them. Last month I found this list of common misconceptions of introverts.

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
 
Myth #11 (the worst) Introverted men as perverts
As in stalkers, potential rapists, pedos, quietly scheming over how to corner their next victim. Unattractive, socially awkward men are seen as a threat even though they're less likely to commit some of these crimes (it's often men used to getting what they want)
 
Wow, that was an awesome reply! I totally can relate with a few of those, especially the one about too much noise and distraction. Exactly why I hate bars, nightclubs, and big parties.


rdor said:
Myth #11 (the worst) Introverted men as perverts
As in stalkers, potential rapists, pedos, quietly scheming over how to corner their next victim. Society views unattractive socially awkward men as a threat even though they're less likely to commit some of these crimes (it's often men used to getting what they want)

Yep. Exactly. And these days, not being connected on Facebook can indirectly get you in trouble or make others think you are 'creepy' or 'have something to hide'
 
rdor said:
Myth #11 (the worst) Introverted men as perverts
As in stalkers, potential rapists, pedos, quietly scheming over how to corner their next victim. Unattractive, socially awkward men are seen as a threat even though they're less likely to commit some of these crimes (it's often men used to getting what they want)


That's no honeysuckle !! In high school I was in sociology class and they were talking about the social rejects and criminals... And someone brought up rapist's ... And the teacher actually said this and I quote..

""Rapist's never turn out to be who you would expect, they are usually the nice quite type like Dan there "" And actually pointed at me !!

If I didn't have it hard enough already... I home schooled the next year because they wouldn't let me live that down...

I went to 7 high schools and it took me 6 years to Graduate.
 
Brianna-1982 said:
I have always wondered why society views the loner type person as somebody that needs help or has a personality disorder. Obviously that can be true sometimes; Certain loners do need help, but others might have perfectly justifiable reasons for needing isolation.

What do you think about this? To what extent are human beings social creatures?

Anything that deviates from "social normality" gets picked on in some way; refereed to as negative, singled out, bullying, etc. This is mostly from people who don't care, don't understand, or who are immature.
 
As I get older, I couldn't give two fooks what people out there think of me. I live alone at 39 years old. I don't socialize much at all. I walk around aimlessly and usually I'm carrying a camera. I have a skin head and wear a hoodie. I get looked at suspiciously a LOT.

The weird thing is that when I was married, it was like I had joined the same club that they were in and I was suddenly accepted. Now I'm divorced and I get the looks again, but I really don't care. Never let the narrow-minded opinions of others stop you from living your own life...
 
Alienated said:
That's no honeysuckle !! In high school I was in sociology class and they were talking about the social rejects and criminals... And someone brought up rapist's ... And the teacher actually said this and I quote..

""Rapist's never turn out to be who you would expect, they are usually the nice quite type like Dan there "" And actually pointed at me !!

If I didn't have it hard enough already... I home schooled the next year because they wouldn't let me live that down...

whoa... that's serious. You should have complained to the headmaster or school board, that could have been grounds for dismissal.



I've waffled on aimlessly about this before.

Women don’t want to be approached by unattractive men, it's one of their main fears in life, so those men are made to endure the majority of the shaming from society.

The goal is to re-enforce the gender role template where men are still expected initiate, but only the right men. The creepy loner/stalker stereotype is there to destroy what confidence less attractive introverted men have left.
 
I've been described as someone who would blow up a building or commit a mass murder. There were rumors going around in high school of me having a cult where I sacrificed animals.

Yeah, I don't, like, volunteer at animal shelters and have a deep love of animals. Oh, and I definitely don't consider myself a hippie pacifist who believes in non-violence!

People are idiots. They are sheep. I've gotten much more peace since I started keeping to myself, less drama and less people trying to fresia with me.
 
Alienated said:
rdor said:
Myth #11 (the worst) Introverted men as perverts
As in stalkers, potential rapists, pedos, quietly scheming over how to corner their next victim. Unattractive, socially awkward men are seen as a threat even though they're less likely to commit some of these crimes (it's often men used to getting what they want)


That's no honeysuckle !! In high school I was in sociology class and they were talking about the social rejects and criminals... And someone brought up rapist's ... And the teacher actually said this and I quote..

""Rapist's never turn out to be who you would expect, they are usually the nice quite type like Dan there "" And actually pointed at me !!

If I didn't have it hard enough already... I home schooled the next year because they wouldn't let me live that down...

I went to 7 high schools and it took me 6 years to Graduate.

.... He basically called you a rapist? lol WTF is with teachers......

--------------------

Society: A herd of sheep, shying from the unknown and possible dangers. Anything new or unknown to them, tends to frighten them.

Introverts: Those who have learned that being a sheep is lame... And are the ones sipping their coffee/rum'n'coke/hot chocolate/tea/pop comfortably while the sheep follow the shepherd herds the sheep off the cliff.
 
I've seen teachers join in with bullying and utilize relational aggression against unpopular students, usually just for a laugh or to make themselves popular. It occurs far more than you would think. Many of them are just big kids who slacked off during college and didn’t want to get a ‘real job’. Teaching should be a venerated vocation but unfortunately the bad ones have helped mar its reputation.
 
True; I've had a teacher who publicly humiliated me, via mental break down. Recess: He drew a small, small circle with chalk, and I "had to" stand there, in the circle, while everyone else could ridicule, laugh, hit, and bully me. Perhaps he got a thrill from watching hundreds of students gather around a humiliated child?

Another teacher mocked everything I said (I had, and still have, a stutter and unfortunate low voice for a woman!), and everything I did (I'm creative, NOT stupid...). Nothing was ever really done until I outright defied and rebelled against them (Nowadays money-grabbing idiocy calls it ODD).

Suppose that is where my intolerance came from.
 
As far as the op 11 myths go...for me they're on the money. Really made me feel better and reminded me that there is nothing "wrong".

It almosts suggests that there's something wrong with people who try to make you feel as though you should! Perhaps the problem isn't that we think too much...perhaps they think too little.
 
I really don't understand the "everyone has to be just like me" instinct/social trend/mental issue. For myself, I love going barefoot. Here (northeastern U.S.), people freak out, yelling inane things if I'm not wearing shoes. I hear that in New Zealand, no one would give a ****.
 
Alienated:

That's true. Here in this.... Wacked town.... You have the following: scary Religious (JW, Christian x too many types...) elderly, whores, wannabe "gangsters" (set them in Vancouver and they'd cry like wee babes in minutes...), "popular" people, Mennonites, Hutterites, and of course - Mormons.

Though it is not as... hostile? As Edmonton, I'd take the city's hostility over this town's pure ignorance.

----

TheDude76:

Barefoot is nice. Though, understandabley in stores they can enforce shoes just to avoid you from getting hurt on their property :) Other than that why should people care? They aren't going to get aids, foot fungus, or warts from someone walking barefoot. Outside. I just don't want barefoot - because of idiots smashing beer bottles everywhere all the time.
 
Senamian said:
TheDude76:

Barefoot is nice. Though, understandabley in stores they can enforce shoes just to avoid you from getting hurt on their property :) Other than that why should people care? They aren't going to get aids, foot fungus, or warts from someone walking barefoot. Outside. I just don't want barefoot - because of idiots smashing beer bottles everywhere all the time.

I'd go indoors as well. I've got my eyes to protect me, and business' arguments are just irrational, but that's the society I live in.
 
Cavey said:
As I get older, I couldn't give two fooks what people out there think of me. I live alone at 39 years old. I don't socialize much at all. I walk around aimlessly and usually I'm carrying a camera. I have a skin head and wear a hoodie. I get looked at suspiciously a LOT.

The weird thing is that when I was married, it was like I had joined the same club that they were in and I was suddenly accepted. Now I'm divorced and I get the looks again, but I really don't care. Never let the narrow-minded opinions of others stop you from living your own life...

You are usually carrying a camera WHY?
 
My answer to that question if I were asked: Because photography is awesome. :p As long as... You don't take pictures of others... Without permission... (I'm one of those annoyed people when my picture is taken LOL) I have two cameras. And no matter which one, the bigger one or the smaller one, people stare. Even when you are in an area where pictures would be (you'd think would be) common.
 

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