Anyone else have no friends?

When I hear people lament that they "don't have many good friends" it cracks me up because I have no friends. I go to no social events, I have no visitors, I don't "hang out" with anyone, no one ever calls nor do I call anyone. I occasionally meet my wife (who I'm separated from) for dinner. Other than that, I am always alone. I never have fun. The whole thing is pointless and painful. It's not that I want to be lonely. It's just that I am unable to have friends. I tried to, unsuccessfully, for many years before being forced to accept the reality that no one I'd want to be friends with would ever want to be friends with me. This happened over and over until I could no longer bear it. As painful and hellish as it is to be desperately lonely all the time, it is even more painful to hope and to try, only to end up the object of contempt and rejection. So I stopped trying.

You could try to make some online friends. Coming here is a good first step towards doing this. We all understand what it is like to really want friends and/or a relationship but to meet with a lot of rejection, so you can feel at home here. Maybe in offline life you have been coming across as too desperate for friends, which would explain why you have suffered so many knock backs as many people back away from desperation. (I sometimes come across as too needy in relationships, so I know how it feels to really want people in your life but to meet with repeated rejections.) Here, your neediness won't put us off you.
You say that you don't go to any social events. This is something you could work on when you feel ready to. Maybe look for something you are interested in and then join a group. If you decide to do this, try not to go there with the sole aim of making friends as this would put massive pressure and expectations on you. Instead, think of it as making aquaintances.

Well, same for me here. I too have no friends where i stay, although I think that I'm much younger than you are. Can't seem to connect with anyone in my school and yes, my phone never rings. So yeah, I feel even lonelier than most. Some people are lonely because they can't find a partner. Some are lonely even when they have friends. But I'm lonely because basically, I do not have any social interaction at all. Sometimes, I do wonder what went wrong. My problem has been going on for 3 years....but I guess I still have to hold onto hope because that's the only thing I've got left. Just writing here to tell you that you are not alone in this....maybe will make you feel more better and hopeful.
And I really like what the above post said. I think that's a good idea to follow. There's no harm trying anyway since you've got nothing to lose.

A couple of points. I have found that when i tried to make friends, that i rarely did. And, yes it is painful if you do try. So, you need to stop trying. And, by that i mean that by trying, you set yourself up with expectations that might not happen and it also comes across as desperate which repels people. So, at this point you need to put "making friends" on the back burner. You need to reignite your passion for life. You need to find something that appeals to a sense of yourself beyond yourself. A hobby, an event, activity, sport, exercise, class, volunteer, or whatever. And, you need to find these things NOT to make friends but to pursue your passion. When you reignite that spark and start doing things because you enjoy them and are not on a friend finding mission, then you will naturally put off that exuberance that people like. Focus on the activity or the event or whatever and fully engage yourself and lose yourself in it.
And, you don't have to love everything. If you go to a sports event, you can be a FAN for the time you are at the game. Yell, cheer and lose yourself in the competition, even if you don't really care about it. Give yourself permission to LIVE in that moment. I went to some games with my kids that they wanted to see and just decided that i was there so i am going to have a great time and be a "fan" so i bought some fan gear and screamed and cheered through the whole game for whomever that team was, lol.
And, when you get back to the business of living your life you will be much happier.

I am in the same predicament ..... I don't trust anyone I meet, they all seem fake to me, and I don't need that kind of ""Friend"" So I walk away disappointed.

I have met a couple of people here I like... But we will never meet...

I tried reaching out on other sites, and Craigslist, and Dating service, and personals in the paper... So I am right there with you my friend.... I gave up too. And have resigned myself to learning all I can about the world why staying away from everyone in it !!

I have my hobbies, and a few chat's and that is just going to have to do.... My life sucks, but I deal with it.

If you want to chat... I got all the time in the world.......................................................................

Well, you need to "trust" someone right off the bat. But, why do you need to "trust" someone the minute you meet them? I think most people are just oblivious to the world around them. If they aren't talking to you, it isn't you, it is whatever to do list they are running through their minds. So, go right past them but there are nice people in the world. If you view everyone with suspicion they are not going to open themselves up to you.

I do give them a try..... But I guess you know it doesn't take long for people to show their true color. The most important thing is to keep my discernment skills sharp and be aware of my surroundings. To be aware of my own behavior, so I do not become like them.

Bad company corrupts good character.

Show me someone in this day and age, that displays themselves as what they claim to be.... Then I might take your advice.... But until then, I don't tend to be someone's next victim.

Well, i don't disagree. I am not advocating becoming someone's victim.

*waves hand* Me! No friends, no one. It has been always like this. Only online. :/

I don't have any friends either!
Only person i speak to on a semi-regular basis is my older brother.

It's tough from time to time with the loneliness and all... But more and more I have simply come to accept the fact that I don't have any actuall friends which I suppose is a bad thing... I'm working on it ok!?

But seriously, I know what you're talking about and it's not a fun sitation to be in.

well, I go for long stretches - years - without having a soul to talk with about anything personal except for my mother (who is not exactly a friend) now it's maybe two years and a half?
Going to social dinners is easy, one just needs to join a social group and talk with people, the problem is finding someone who cares

Peaches said:

Going to social dinners is easy, one just needs to join a social group and talk with people, the problem is finding someone who cares

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Oh if only that was the case for everyone
Personally I get panic attacks sitting down among groups of people I do not know extremly well, and as for the dinner part... I can barely eat at the dinnertable with my family.
But that too can get easier with time if you just have the willpower to stay with it.

Tiina63 said:

Maybe in offline life you have been coming across as too desperate for friends, which would explain why you have suffered so many knock backs as many people back away from desperation.

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Yes, of course I realize that neediness puts people off. Hell, I am ashamed and embarrassed by any neediness that might show. So I have tried to not act needy, just be casual and relaxed and easy-going. In fact, I have even had new acquaintances remark that I seemed like an easy-going, regular nice guy. But it seems I'm unable to fool people for long. My true personality eventually leaks out and people see that I am a piece of honeysuckle.

Tiina63 said:

You say that you don't go to any social events. This is something you could work on when you feel ready to. Maybe look for something you are interested in and then join a group. If you decide to do this, try not to go there with the sole aim of making friends as this would put massive pressure and expectations on you. Instead, think of it as making aquaintances.

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Join a group? I played guitar in rock bands for years, and as you suggested, I participated in that activity not with the aim of getting friends, but just for the sake of playing. Most bands I was eventually kicked out of because of my personality. As I said above, I cannot keep up the regular, normal, easy-going nice-guy charade for too long. Eventually they all see through it, and see that I am essentially worthless garbage. I went into these situations with a positive, hopeful attitude. But after having it fail year after year there came a point when I was forced to accept the reality that I will always fail. I can no longer fake the positive, relaxed attitude. Which doesn't really matter because it never worked anyway.

Mundane said:

Peaches said:

Going to social dinners is easy, one just needs to join a social group and talk with people, the problem is finding someone who cares

Click to expand...

Oh if only that was the case for everyone
Personally I get panic attacks sitting down among groups of people I do not know extremly well, and as for the dinner part... I can barely eat at the dinnertable with my family.
But that too can get easier with time if you just have the willpower to stay with it.

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Many apologies for sounding dismissive! It really wasn't my point - actually for many years I had to take tranquilizers to be able to socialize outside of the strictest circle, for instance I used to walk for hours looking for a clock tower to avoid asking the time to a passer by, and now that I am off the tranquilizers I have been reading all the existing books on the topic of talking to strangers, doing exercises, and still I only manage to look half normal And it took only 25 years, I started working on it when I was 15.
The point I was trying to make is that if one puts oneself out there (in circles of nice people of course), one gets some superficial rewards.
Anyway, sorry if I took it for granted and ignore the problem, especially stupid as I went through similar difficulties than those you are experiencing.

I_suffer said:

When I hear people lament that they "don't have many good friends" it cracks me up because I have no friends. I go to no social events, I have no visitors, I don't "hang out" with anyone, no one ever calls nor do I call anyone. I occasionally meet my wife (who I'm separated from) for dinner. Other than that, I am always alone. I never have fun. The whole thing is pointless and painful. It's not that I want to be lonely. It's just that I am unable to have friends. I tried to, unsuccessfully, for many years before being forced to accept the reality that no one I'd want to be friends with would ever want to be friends with me. This happened over and over until I could no longer bear it. As painful and hellish as it is to be desperately lonely all the time, it is even more painful to hope and to try, only to end up the object of contempt and rejection. So I stopped trying.

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Yep. I have no friends. Never have. No friends to 'hang out' with. No visitors, or phone calls, or anyone to text. If I go out for lunch or dinner, I have to go alone. Any groups I've joined or classes I've done, I've done alone. All hobbies I have I have to do alone. Even talking to anyone online is really down to about 2 people, and even that's infrequent. I can't remember the last face-to-face conversation I had that wasn't with a family member or a doctor/therapist. There just isn't anyone to talk to, and the occasional smile or 'hello' to a stranger or someone working in a shop usually just gets me a blank stare or an earful of abuse in response. In a way, it feels like I've stopped trying because there's just nowhere else left to try ... I want to still find friends, but ... it just seems ever more and more unlikely.

I am 36 years old with no friends. I haven't had a friend in so long that I can hardly even remember what it's like to have one. The last time I had friends was back when I was a teenager in highschool. And even then I couldn't say they were close friends. I never hung out with any of them outside of school or anything like that.

As an adult, it is already very hard to make friends because everyone have their own active lives (families and stuff) to take care of. Also most people have a circle of friends which they made and their relationship has matured over the years. I don't know if groups like that are even accepting of others into their space.

And it seems harder the further you go through life.

personaly NO irl friends and VERY few online people i truly trust maybe 2 or 3?

I have a couple of online friends who I email or Skype with sometimes, and one friend who I talk to every day. Besides them, no one. I don't have anyone to hang out with or talk to most of the time. I thought I made a new friend the other day, but apparently not. I don't even have family to turn to. No one who cares what happens to me (except for my few online friends, hopefully).

I'm having a hard time holding on to my sanity lately. Everything seems so pointless and meaningless without people around. I don't think I can keep going on like this, but I have no idea how I can change things.

Sorry - no inspirational advice from me, I'm barely making it through the day.

Locke said:

I have a couple of online friends who I email or Skype with sometimes, and one friend who I talk to every day. Besides them, no one. I don't have anyone to hang out with or talk to most of the time. I thought I made a new friend the other day, but apparently not. I don't even have family to turn to. No one who cares what happens to me (except for my few online friends, hopefully).

I'm having a hard time holding on to my sanity lately. Everything seems so pointless and meaningless without people around. I don't think I can keep going on like this, but I have no idea how I can change things.

Sorry - no inspirational advice from me, I'm barely making it through the day.

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My dear you have to get yourself out and take up something new that forces you to mingle with new people. There is no other way to make a change in this.

Shockingly enough, I repel new friends in real life on purpose. People in the real world usually like me and I never had any trouble in school having friends. If they ask me to do something with them like friends do, I tell them "Hon, I'm just not that kind of friend but I sure like seeing you when I see you." I bail on social gatherings I'm invited to. I think it boils down to an undiagnosed attachment disorder from a crazy childhood. I lost so many people in my formative years that I quit investing in them emotionally. I keep a close tight knit circle around me basically. I am married, and I have two kids so I feel I have enough going on. But no one to converse with on a deeper level than what's on TV tonight or who's school sports game we have to attend.