34 alone, no family and no friends

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Hawx79

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As an 34 year old male living alone with no friends or family and the people I meet everyday are rude and unfriendly to me.
I have no one to love or love me back, no family to hug me and no friends to hang out with, what's to become of me?
I envy people who have families waiting for them when they get home. I feel so different than everyone else as if i'm on an alien planet! Will i turn insane?
Are there people known who have been all alone and unloved who turn out to grow old and still sane and healthy? Please don't try to lift me up with pretty lies, i want cold truth"
It tastes like piss to me but want to drink alcohol every day so i don't feel fear anymore.
 
What do you mean people are "rude and unfriendly" to you? In what what are they rude? At this point you need to take a LONG look in the mirror. How do you look? Do you look well kept? Are you sending off some 'off putting" vibe? Strangers always will seem strange until you get to know them.

Look, you have to decide that your life is what you make it. Staying home and drinking is only going to make you feel worse. Do you have any interests in anything? Do you like to cook, exercise, or do other activities? There are any number of civic clubs you could join. But, when you join you have to at first PRETEND to be excited about whatever it is you are joining. Fake it. Then just try to allow yourself to really get into it and you will find that you enjoy doing some of those activities.
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different result. Staying home and doing what you are doing now isn't working. Why not keep trying to move ahead? Yes, it is difficult. We all feel rejection. But, if you get out and ALLOW yourself to just relax, don't pressure people, enjoy the company while you have it whatever activity. And, realize MOST of the people you meet are just people you will interact with for a brief period, and that's ok. But, if you stick with it you might start feeling better.
 
I unfortinatly believe this is where I am headed as well. I am living on my own but I am 10 years younger than you, yes I am young but I put to much trust into people that don't care about me and it gets me no where but hurt. I had an idea when I graduated high school that I wanted to get a job I would love, find a girl who loved me as much as I love her and have children and grow old together. I haven't achieved any of that and everyday I find myself slipping farther behind what is considered attractive to women, I can't stay up to date on all the latest fashion and electronic trends and now all I am is just an outsider with no friends or family in a strange place I know little about. A year ago I would wake up thinking how thankful I was for everything I had, now I wake up think about what has become of my life and before I cry I tell myself I have to suck it up and go out and live another day that I know will end the same as has everyday and start the next day feeling how I felt the day before.

I know in the grand scheme of things 24 and 34 is still young enough to have a family but when you have no one there to talk to you or help you through your day to day struggles it wares you down.
 
I feel this is a personal choice based on activities and attitude. If you're too alone, get out there in the public, be very friendly, make sure you're presentable in decent clothing, go volunteer at places like an animal shelter where you'd meet all kinds of people from all walks of life, etc. Put yourself out there and never stop being a "joiner". You will eventually run into someone else as a possible mate if your proactive and help yourself. I know we're all here because we need someone to talk to so we all have some issues, but I do have a little wiggle room to talk because my loneliness is based on nothing more than a husband who doesn't pay enough attention to me because we've been together for nearly 18 years now. Our life is boring because we're raising children right now and we can't get out and do much. Otherwise I'm surrounded by people but I feel I can't talk to them about this. So my problem is a little different.
 
Hello Hawx79, it is very painful to come home every day to an empty house while many others go home to loved ones. And although it would be a good idea for you to go out more and to try different activities where you can meet people as some others have suggested, at the same time this can demand a level of energy and commitment which can be hard to find when you are so lonely. But if you set a low goal of maybe going to one social event a month at first, then hopefully eventually you will find a few friends.
Have you tried online dating?
You asked for 'cold truth.' I'm 20 years older than you and am still on my own and, to be honest, the loneliness doesn't get any easier as you get older. In some ways it gets worse as you feel your chances of meeting someone are decreasing all the time and there are more empty years to look back on.
On the plus side (not wanting to sound morbid, just practical) you know you have fewer years ahead of you than you did 20 or 30 years ago, so if you don't meet anyone, there are fewer years left to come to be lonely in.
 
we are the same expect i am 20 and i have a little family but they will be gone soon i know how it feels to have no friends to pass a whole day with no one to speak to . welcome to the site btw i am new too i am sure there are too many people like us around here so come here often i really dont have any advice because i am in the same situation as you good luck bro.
 
Tomorrow, things may change. That's what you need to remember. Things do change, and sometimes for the better.
 
I'm 34. Only 2 family members left now and I have no friends outside of work. What you've encountered, generally contempt, people being closed off etc. is part of a systemic problem in society, but I'm only going to get in trouble for elaborating.

The only place people feel they belong now are in exclusive cliques of friends from school or college, or groups with some shared political outlook. Like for example if you were a vegan lesbian who was interested destabilising the capitalist/patriarchal system you might join a group of like-minded individuals and make friends that way. Generally, getting to know others can be very hard if you don't already have established social contacts. It's not an excuse to do nothing, just a way of putting it in perspective (and give yourself a break.)
 
Where the hell did you get a vegan lesbian from? Just wondering.

Anyway, there are always interest groups. When I was into board games, I joined a group for that and went to a few coffeehouses. I think there is always something you can do to increase your social circle.
 
I think part of it is that you or others may be expecting too much from other people. It took me a long time to realize that most people don't want to know others deeply. They simply don't. Once I accepted that I found it easier to lighten up and just enjoy people in the moment. People don't want deep heavy problems. They just want to interact in a fun way.
 
What people tend to forget is that it is hard to make friends. Incredibly difficult. It's even harder when you're older.

That doesn't make it impossible. It's just hard.
 
Lady Gaga Snerd said:
I think part of it is that you or others may be expecting too much from other people. It took me a long time to realize that most people don't want to know others deeply. They simply don't. Once I accepted that I found it easier to lighten up and just enjoy people in the moment. People don't want deep heavy problems. They just want to interact in a fun way.

I do not believe people are that shallow personally, but everyone is entitled to their opinions.

Hawx, it is harder to make friends as we get older, we all see it - we all experience it. Getting involved in your community is always a great way to not only help you create a circle of friends but it also helps you to get plugged in to something you love. Even if you like doing things that are primarily solitary, there is always a community of people with similar walks of life.
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
Where the hell did you get a vegan lesbian from? Just wondering.

An example meant as a joke muse.
People find comradery amongst those who think as they do.
 
What did you do with your life? You have been in this planet for 34 years and you still havent figured out what works for you? Somewhere along the way, your choices put you in your present situation. Sure there are things we cant control. But we can control how we respond to them to still get what will help us grow and become better people. Now do you want people to be extra friendly to you because you dont like your situation? The cold truth is the world does not revolve around you. People have problems of their own and they respond to you base on their personal biases. But the thing that you miss out is your ability. Ability to make the most of what you have right now. If people dont like to be your friend... Ask yourself do you like yourself as a friend? The mere fact that you are still craving for people to be friends with you to ease your loneliness is a reflection that to yourself, you dont feel enough. If you see yourself sitting in a corner and you are another person, do you think you would talk to him? The key to having friends (well ofcourse aside from having the charisma, beauty, youth, fame, but that is not your problem right now cos those are other people's story) is to aslo be likable, lovable enough first and foremost to yourself. Find your strength and work out on your weaknesses and constantly ask yourself if you are the person you want to be. I dont mean having material things but are you loving to the principles you believe in, your life's moto. Volunteer, sign up for activities that appeals to u. Tiny steps that give you the opportunity to overcome your fears and weaknesses, to develop your strength and to discover somehing new. If a person say you are weird they ont like to be your friend, move on. Continue to grow and become better. And dont mmke it an excuse that you are already 34 and it is too late cos if you let that get in to you, 5 year from now you will be saying... No family no friends and almost 40. Instead of wanting people to bend for you, better yourself so you can bend for other people who feels the exact same feelings you are feeling right now. (hug) it's not too late
 
I'm 43 with no friends. I've never had a serious girlfriend and friends seem to come and go. Right now I don't really have any close friends. I am close to my mother but that's about it. I talk to my brother and my father occasionally but they don't support me emotionally(or financially for that matter)the way my mom does.

I don't drink much because I can't afford it. I'm not looking for an escape and I don't suggest hiding in booze. It might help to see a therapist. I have one and although I don't dislike her I do almost all the talking while she just sits there.
 
ghbarnaby2 said:
Lady Gaga Snerd said:
I think part of it is that you or others may be expecting too much from other people. It took me a long time to realize that most people don't want to know others deeply. They simply don't. Once I accepted that I found it easier to lighten up and just enjoy people in the moment. People don't want deep heavy problems. They just want to interact in a fun way.

I do not believe people are that shallow personally, but everyone is entitled to their opinions.

Hawx, it is harder to make friends as we get older, we all see it - we all experience it. Getting involved in your community is always a great way to not only help you create a circle of friends but it also helps you to get plugged in to something you love. Even if you like doing things that are primarily solitary, there is always a community of people with similar walks of life.

My point isn't to "label" other people are good or bad or shallow or uncaring or whatever. That isn't what i am saying. I am saying that all of us are busy. That we are all just trying to get through the day as best we can. And, when you are first getting to know someone new they aren't necessarily in tune to hear all the "heavy" of your life. That getting to know someone and becoming friends with them usually involves a series of lighthearted , pleasant interactions. My point is that if people are not ready to know you deeply is not necessarily a reflection on YOU and to realize they have their own stuff going on in their lives as well.
When i stopped trying to draw everyone in to a deeper relationship, i learned that i could just have some peripheral friends. I have a friend that i work out with, one i go skiing with, etc. Some very specific activity oriented friendships. I see them for these things and not outside of that. And, i had to realize that that is OK. And, that i have a few very deep friendships but also have to allow myself to enjoy the peripheral ones as well.
And, that is what i am saying about joining a group. You might join and have a lot of fun and the group is over and maybe you won't see them until next year when the group starts up again, but that is OK. Friendships take time to develop.
 
After years of living this decline everyone can see i'm unhappy. There are some days that are good and I feel happy but the next days its like my life is gone back to hell just like that! It makes me feel powerless of my own fate...
And as a matter of fact i run and exercise everyday and i also have a cat, but these are not fulfilling my needs anymore, i need and want human companionship in my life, but no one wants to hang out with me.
Everywhere i go and participate with people in any kind of involvement, people are talking about me behind my back for my mistakes or whatever. I may be awkward but i don't feel i am a weird person at all.
Ive had many jobs and i know already i wont be hanging on to this one for very long either. The problem is not me but others that are making my working place a place of hell to be! People are making my life impossible to live.
What am i supposed to do then suck it all up and continue another day in quicksand.
 
Hawk - I understand you are unhappy. That is natural. BUT, that is going to push people away from you even further. Is there a way you just learn to relax and live IN the moment. Whatever you are doing, give it your full attention. When exercising, put yourself into that. When at work, take your work seriously and do a great job and be helpful to your coworkers. This statement below disturbs me:


"Ive had many jobs and i know already i wont be hanging on to this one for very long either. The problem is not me but others that are making my working place a place of hell to be! People are making my life impossible to live."

Sorry. That is a copout and an excuse. EVERY job is full of it's share of people you might not care for . Everyone one of us who works for a living experiences the SAME thing. If you are going to run from job to job thinking you are going to find some perfect job, you are sadly mistaken. And, you are going to wind up in the unemployment line, with no means to take care of yourself and no money to enjoy your life. Your JOB is what you do. Whoever else is there wasn't hired by you and it is not your place to decide if they should or shouldn't be there. It IS your place to work along side whomever you are supposed to work along side with. Enjoying your job isn't about someone ELSE it is about YOU and it is about your ATTITUDE. You can decide that you have a job, it pays the bills, it allows you to feed and clothe yourself, have a place to live, etc AND you can determine to go to work and make the best of it and give it your best. Anything less only hurts YOU. And, as for the coworkers, who cares? YOU are the one CHOOSING to let them get under your skin. It is a work relationship. You can decide to take that stuff to heart or just concentrate on what you need to do. And, believe me i have worked 25+ yrs so i know what i am talking about. Yes, i like some jobs better than others. But, it is really up to ME to just determine my job is what i do and i am going to do it well and not get involved in pissy politics and pissing contests and personalities at work. Your choice. Or, you can let that nonsense blowup in your face and push you away from a decent job.
 

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