Locke
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- Feb 8, 2013
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I'm trying to pull myself out of depression, stop being so sad and lonely all the time. I don't know how though. A lot of bad things have happened in a short amount of time, and I keep dwelling on things from the past.
I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. We weren't getting along at the time, mostly because of me. I wasn't being very open about my past and how I was feeling. I didn't feel comfortable sharing some things with her. There were a lot of other reasons, but I won't get into it. I regretted breaking things off with her........I'm still not sure it was the right decision. I decided to try and move forward, but I couldn't stop being depressed about it.
I started going to support group meetings, so I could begin to deal with and move on from things that have happened in my past. Talking about those things with strangers made me feel worse. I know support groups are suppose to help, but it just isn't so far. I guess I don't feel very supported. It feels like I'm reliving every horrible thing that I have ever experienced, and it isn't helping.
Some other things have happened in the past 2 months that have left me feeling sad and alone. Things haven't worked out like I was hoping they would, friends have left or I've pushed them away.
The last bad thing that happened was meeting a girl. We talked on the phone a few times and got along really well. I liked her a lot, and she seemed to like me. We agreed to a lunch date, and she never showed up. My calls to her went straight to voicemail. I was upset about it, and ranted to a couple of people, and felt better. I found out last night that she knows my ex-girlfriend. Is that why she didn't call me back? She found out who I am, and decided she didn't want anything to do with me?
I don't know. It shouldn't be a big deal, it's not like I was in love with her. But I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on so often lately that it's just dust now.
I push people away because I'm so depressed, and I get the feeling that new people are hesitant to have anything to do with me because I'm so depressed. I can't let things go. My past haunts me no matter what I do. I can't look forward to tomorrow because every week brings some new, awful thing that I just don't know how to deal with on my own. I sit here wondering what will happen next. Will someone betray me, lie to me or use me? Will I get my heart broken, or my feelings hurt again? Will I lose another friend?
I don't think I'm being paranoid, because these things keep happening with not much good in between. I don't want to be so depressed anymore though. I want to be able to find good people and good things, and make my life better. I just don't know how to move on, and how to stop bad things from happening. How can I move on from my past when the present just sucks so much lately?
Sorry for the giant post. A lot of it was ranting, and I got carried away. I would really appreciate any advice or comments.
I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. We weren't getting along at the time, mostly because of me. I wasn't being very open about my past and how I was feeling. I didn't feel comfortable sharing some things with her. There were a lot of other reasons, but I won't get into it. I regretted breaking things off with her........I'm still not sure it was the right decision. I decided to try and move forward, but I couldn't stop being depressed about it.
I started going to support group meetings, so I could begin to deal with and move on from things that have happened in my past. Talking about those things with strangers made me feel worse. I know support groups are suppose to help, but it just isn't so far. I guess I don't feel very supported. It feels like I'm reliving every horrible thing that I have ever experienced, and it isn't helping.
Some other things have happened in the past 2 months that have left me feeling sad and alone. Things haven't worked out like I was hoping they would, friends have left or I've pushed them away.
The last bad thing that happened was meeting a girl. We talked on the phone a few times and got along really well. I liked her a lot, and she seemed to like me. We agreed to a lunch date, and she never showed up. My calls to her went straight to voicemail. I was upset about it, and ranted to a couple of people, and felt better. I found out last night that she knows my ex-girlfriend. Is that why she didn't call me back? She found out who I am, and decided she didn't want anything to do with me?
I don't know. It shouldn't be a big deal, it's not like I was in love with her. But I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on so often lately that it's just dust now.
I push people away because I'm so depressed, and I get the feeling that new people are hesitant to have anything to do with me because I'm so depressed. I can't let things go. My past haunts me no matter what I do. I can't look forward to tomorrow because every week brings some new, awful thing that I just don't know how to deal with on my own. I sit here wondering what will happen next. Will someone betray me, lie to me or use me? Will I get my heart broken, or my feelings hurt again? Will I lose another friend?
I don't think I'm being paranoid, because these things keep happening with not much good in between. I don't want to be so depressed anymore though. I want to be able to find good people and good things, and make my life better. I just don't know how to move on, and how to stop bad things from happening. How can I move on from my past when the present just sucks so much lately?
Sorry for the giant post. A lot of it was ranting, and I got carried away. I would really appreciate any advice or comments.