I want to stop being depressed

I'm trying to pull myself out of depression, stop being so sad and lonely all the time. I don't know how though. A lot of bad things have happened in a short amount of time, and I keep dwelling on things from the past.

I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. We weren't getting along at the time, mostly because of me. I wasn't being very open about my past and how I was feeling. I didn't feel comfortable sharing some things with her. There were a lot of other reasons, but I won't get into it. I regretted breaking things off with her........I'm still not sure it was the right decision. I decided to try and move forward, but I couldn't stop being depressed about it.

I started going to support group meetings, so I could begin to deal with and move on from things that have happened in my past. Talking about those things with strangers made me feel worse. I know support groups are suppose to help, but it just isn't so far. I guess I don't feel very supported. It feels like I'm reliving every horrible thing that I have ever experienced, and it isn't helping.

Some other things have happened in the past 2 months that have left me feeling sad and alone. Things haven't worked out like I was hoping they would, friends have left or I've pushed them away.

The last bad thing that happened was meeting a girl. We talked on the phone a few times and got along really well. I liked her a lot, and she seemed to like me. We agreed to a lunch date, and she never showed up. My calls to her went straight to voicemail. I was upset about it, and ranted to a couple of people, and felt better. I found out last night that she knows my ex-girlfriend. Is that why she didn't call me back? She found out who I am, and decided she didn't want anything to do with me?

I don't know. It shouldn't be a big deal, it's not like I was in love with her. But I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on so often lately that it's just dust now.

I push people away because I'm so depressed, and I get the feeling that new people are hesitant to have anything to do with me because I'm so depressed. I can't let things go. My past haunts me no matter what I do. I can't look forward to tomorrow because every week brings some new, awful thing that I just don't know how to deal with on my own. I sit here wondering what will happen next. Will someone betray me, lie to me or use me? Will I get my heart broken, or my feelings hurt again? Will I lose another friend?

I don't think I'm being paranoid, because these things keep happening with not much good in between. I don't want to be so depressed anymore though. I want to be able to find good people and good things, and make my life better. I just don't know how to move on, and how to stop bad things from happening. How can I move on from my past when the present just sucks so much lately?

Sorry for the giant post. A lot of it was ranting, and I got carried away. I would really appreciate any advice or comments.

*Big hugs* Awww Locke I can see in your writing how it is all playing on you .

You have been through some awful times, so first thing I think you should do, is say it is ok to be depressed. I know you want to get out of it, but I think that will come once you let it wash over you if that makes sense. Just try and accept you might feel like this for a while. I know easier said than done, try and do the things you like, even though you may not feel like it, eventually as you lift you may enjoy them again. One proven thing that helps with depression is getting outside everyday preferably somewhere with water or trees .

I am sorry that things didn't work out with your girlfriend, maybe at this moment you are not ready for it, and I am sure she must take that into consideration what you have been going through, could you write her a letter, even if you don't send it. If it is right, it might come back when you feel better in yourself, and if not, you may meet someone else .

I have just started support groups for my issues, and they have started off a real mix of emotions, so much so I keep crying all the way through the sessions! But I have been assured with time and continuing it will get better, how I don't know yet. But maybe just give it a go for a bit longer and see if things start to help.

I think the friend things leaving or you pushing away, happens when you feel like this, the real friends can sense you feel bad and they hang in there, giving you space or just checking on you. Just be kind on yourself, you know you have friends here .

The girl, I wonder if when she found out she knew your ex, she felt she might have been crossing a line by going on a date with you. She could have handled it better, but a thought.

Have you ever tried mindfulnness, I tried that a while ago, and still try to do it now. It helps with the negative thoughts, and allows you to focus on what you are doing, could be beneficial if you aren't already trying it. May help you focus on the now and not what might happen .

Sorry if that was rubbish, but I hope you get your wishes .

By not looking for happiness in external things. I'm not sure that that is what you really do, but i'm kind of interpreting this thread that way. The focus you lay here is all on external things. You've heard it a thousand times already, i'm sure. Work on yourself, and only yourself. I hesitate to say the "love yourself" thing, because it sounds so cheesy it just makes me cringe. But that is actually the way to get over things.

Look at what you want, what you are, your ideals, opinions, truths, flaws, and most importantly, your dream. That's what got me out of my depression. Be your own friend, never entrust things to people if you know they can hurt you with it later. That doesn't mean you cannot be open at all anymore, it just builds resilience.

You say you want to make your life better. What is better? What is a good life according to you? What is it that makes a life worth living to you? Better said, what is that thing that you'd be willing to die for? It can be anything.

It's going to sound harsh, but i think it's for the better that you have broken with your girlfriend. Now you have more time and energy to spend on YOU.

To me, happiness is the ability to create your own happiness without any other people around you, nothing around you at all. It might just work for you as well. Look at where your focus is, and divert it to where necessary.

Locke said:

I'm trying to pull myself out of depression, stop being so sad and lonely all the time. I don't know how though. A lot of bad things have happened in a short amount of time, and I keep dwelling on things from the past.

I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. We weren't getting along at the time, mostly because of me. I wasn't being very open about my past and how I was feeling. I didn't feel comfortable sharing some things with her. There were a lot of other reasons, but I won't get into it. I regretted breaking things off with her........I'm still not sure it was the right decision. I decided to try and move forward, but I couldn't stop being depressed about it.

I started going to support group meetings, so I could begin to deal with and move on from things that have happened in my past. Talking about those things with strangers made me feel worse. I know support groups are suppose to help, but it just isn't so far. I guess I don't feel very supported. It feels like I'm reliving every horrible thing that I have ever experienced, and it isn't helping.

Some other things have happened in the past 2 months that have left me feeling sad and alone. Things haven't worked out like I was hoping they would, friends have left or I've pushed them away.

The last bad thing that happened was meeting a girl. We talked on the phone a few times and got along really well. I liked her a lot, and she seemed to like me. We agreed to a lunch date, and she never showed up. My calls to her went straight to voicemail. I was upset about it, and ranted to a couple of people, and felt better. I found out last night that she knows my ex-girlfriend. Is that why she didn't call me back? She found out who I am, and decided she didn't want anything to do with me?

I don't know. It shouldn't be a big deal, it's not like I was in love with her. But I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on so often lately that it's just dust now.

I push people away because I'm so depressed, and I get the feeling that new people are hesitant to have anything to do with me because I'm so depressed. I can't let things go. My past haunts me no matter what I do. I can't look forward to tomorrow because every week brings some new, awful thing that I just don't know how to deal with on my own. I sit here wondering what will happen next. Will someone betray me, lie to me or use me? Will I get my heart broken, or my feelings hurt again? Will I lose another friend?

I don't think I'm being paranoid, because these things keep happening with not much good in between. I don't want to be so depressed anymore though. I want to be able to find good people and good things, and make my life better. I just don't know how to move on, and how to stop bad things from happening. How can I move on from my past when the present just sucks so much lately?

Sorry for the giant post. A lot of it was ranting, and I got carried away. I would really appreciate any advice or comments.

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Is there anything you really enjoy doing ?
An hobby ? That might help with your depression. Walking ?, painting ? something like that.

I am down at the moment but I enjoy playing golf. I know by the end of the week I will be back to my normal self again which is happy.

*Hugs* Thank you, Grace.

I'll try getting outside everyday. I do love nature, so I'm sure it will help. You're probably right about why that girl stood me up. It just hurt a lot because I thought I found a new friend, maybe something more. Turns out that something from my past ruined things. These things seem to happen over and over again. If it's not because of something from my past, I usually don't get any explanation at all.

I'm glad I have a few friends here. One of them talked to me last night, and really cheered me up. I think I would be completely lost without this forum, and the people who have reached out to me.

I'm sorry the support groups have also been hard for you, but I'm also a little happy someone knows what I'm going through. I'm always depressed for a few days after a meeting. I hope it's true for both of us that they'll help eventually. I won't give up on it if you don't.

I'm not sure what mindfulnness is or how it works, it that a Buddhist concept? If you think it'll help, I'll try it.

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Thanks Sai,

What I want and what makes me happy is being around people who I care about. That's the only thing I want out of life, and I would die for such people. Does that mean that I look for happiness in other people? Well, maybe so. But friends and/or family is something that most other people have. I don't. Is it really so selfish for me to want even one single person who cares if I live or die? I have a few online friends, which I'm grateful for. But it's not the same, and I end up losing most of the online friends I make too.

So no, I can not find happiness within myself right now, because I have not lived a happy life. For me, self reflection means reflecting on nightmares and little else. It's like watching a horror movie over and over again. I can't seem to get the happiness that I really want either, I get hurt every time I think I find someone who cares. Or they say they care, when they actually don't. I'm not strong enough to deal with the constant rejection and disappointment.

I will continue to better myself and try to be happy with who I am. Having my hopes and dreams get crushed every week is just making it hard.

I know that breaking up with my girlfriend was the right thing to do. You're not even the first to tell me that. It just still hurts. I think all of this other stuff that keeps happening is making it harder to move on.

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Thanks for the advice, Triple Bogey. I don't really have anything that I enjoy doing much anymore. A friend from here inspired me to get back into writing, so I'm going to focus on that for a while.

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Wow, another giant post. I'm a mess. I think I'm just too broken to ever have a real friendship or relationship. Too broken to ever be happy. Who would want to be around me when I'm like this?

Locke ,

I really have felt like you are feeling at the moment, part of me is feeling like that still. You'll have to take some pic each day to show us of your walks and we can share it with you, even if you only make it to your garden, or street .

It does hurt when you just want to make connections whatever they are .

Ok it's a deal on the support groups, it will be interesting to see if they will help us eventually, out of curiosity are there any people in these groups you could see as potential friends?

I am not sure about mindfullness where it comes from it may be Buddist. I was just in a sad place a while ago, and was searching for ways to stop the negative thoughts, anyway came across a Wikihow: How to be mindful? It did help me, was hard a first, and it is something I think needs to be practised everyday. I want to tart meditation too, but that is a bit harder for me with my life .

Hey Locke, I had many times like what you are going through. And I don't believe there's anything I can say that going to snap you out of it. There just aren't magic words that keep bad things from happening.... But there is one thing I am very familiar with. And that's getting stuck in that loop of reliving the same thought over and over and over and over.... It's a viscous cycle, and you need to break it. Do you really know what a RESENTMENT is..
It means to Re-LIVE or Re_FEEL

It starts out as anger for being hurt, but it eats at you long enough it turns into depression. Usually because you just can't seem to stop it, and it's relentless. And it will destroy your life, ( As you can tell )... You have to fix the root of it. And there is only one way.... Forgiveness

I know how hard that is... but this helped me... I examined my own life.

I took responsibility for all the times I hurt other people, it made me realize I didn't have the right to be angry anymore. It was a BIG ASS PILL to swallow, but it made me aware that I did the same thing to other people, sometimes even worse... So I focused on helping other people, and proved to myself I am not all bad. And that I could take back control of how I felt, and what I did.

And amazingly enough... It took the bite out of what they had done to me, it showed me it didn't destroy my life. I was able to slowly let it go, because I had proven that I wasn't down for the count. But I won't lie to you, it took along time. But it showed me something I didn't know before...

It's Impossible to feel sorry for myself when I was feeling grateful. It's all up to you of course, but if you are real sick and tired of being sick and tired.... Go do something good for somebody else, and I promise you that when they say Thank You. It will make you feel a little better, because they will really mean it. But you have to keep doing it, just like that thought that ran through your head. You have to counteract it.

Try volunteering at a old folks home, just spend some time talking to them... They would love it, because not even their own kids come anymore. And it will make you feel grateful you are still young and can help them... And you can just play checkers, or cards, or just sit and talk to them. It works, it really really does.

I wish I had better advice for you, Locke. But I think you and I both know that when you are dealing with depression.. especially one that is related to the loss of a loved one.. it's quite tricky. I don't even know how to get out of mine that visits me once in awhile.. so I don't think I'm in the best position to give you advice here.

All I can say is that I'm here whenever you wanna talk about it. In a way we can both relate to one another, so perhaps talking about it with each other could be a lot easier. I'm always here for support, you know this. Do take care of yourself. And I know you will not give up. So just keep going.. no matter how tough the fight is. I'll fight along with you, yeah.

MTrip said:

One thing I know about depression: The worst thing you can do is to sit there & let the negative cycles run inside your head endlessly. Getting out in nature is good. Try finding other things to do that you might like. Crocheting? Stamp collecting? Painting? Doesn't matter what it is, really, the point is to do something. Almost anything is better than just sitting there & sinking into the muck. Find something interesting enough that it is easy for you to focus on for more than a few minutes. Sometimes that can help considerably.

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^^ This. I can't stress enough, how staying busy help to combat depression. I know it's not the answer to everything, but it DOES provide almost instant relief, even if only for small periods. However, it might be enough to make you feel more like yourself and want to do more and more.
Staying busy really is good therapy for depression.

I'm on antidepressants short term, just to keep me level and stop my mood dropping like a broken Vogon warship whenever something mildly irritating or upsetting happens. Might be an idea just for the short term?

Locke said:

Thanks Sai,

What I want and what makes me happy is being around people who I care about. That's the only thing I want out of life, and I would die for such people. Does that mean that I look for happiness in other people? Well, maybe so. But friends and/or family is something that most other people have. I don't. Is it really so selfish for me to want even one single person who cares if I live or die? I have a few online friends, which I'm grateful for. But it's not the same, and I end up losing most of the online friends I make too.

So no, I can not find happiness within myself right now, because I have not lived a happy life. For me, self reflection means reflecting on nightmares and little else. It's like watching a horror movie over and over again. I can't seem to get the happiness that I really want either, I get hurt every time I think I find someone who cares. Or they say they care, when they actually don't. I'm not strong enough to deal with the constant rejection and disappointment.

I will continue to better myself and try to be happy with who I am. Having my hopes and dreams get crushed every week is just making it hard.

I know that breaking up with my girlfriend was the right thing to do. You're not even the first to tell me that. It just still hurts. I think all of this other stuff that keeps happening is making it harder to move on.

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Okay listen. Two years ago, my depression was in its prime. What kept me going was a couple of very close contacts that i gathered on an online game. It made me happy to be see that people got happy to see me, that i could care for them, do my part, and have them actually care about me. It was a great time.

But the depression was still there, and it wasn't going anywhere. You've had some great times with people, i can say that almost for certain. However, you're here, feeling depressed, looking for the next nice time with other people. The next fix.

It's like an addiction, Locke. I know that if somebody told me that two years ago i'd either shy away or tell them they're just being asshats. Those people were my life, my everything. Because i made that be so. Everyone that dared criticize that circle of close friends better get ready to be utterly vaporized.

It's a fleeing mechanism, i learned that now, looking back at it. And it's quite logical, too. I mean, you feel bad, and want to feel better, what else to do than try to make other people feel better? Sounds like a worthy cause, right?

Here's the thing, you don't have to stop loving and caring for people. This was the hardest thing for me to do and accept.

I've bolded some things, let me explain. The first thing, is still you looking for happiness in external things, people, in this case. The second one is more interesting. You see, the only way to have someone truly care about you is that you have to truly care about yourself. Someone might not care if you live or die, because you don't care either.

Also, losing people and having them not care about you, or any unpleasant thing relating to people is going to continue to happen because you want it to. Not in the litteral sense, but you put your happiness in wether people like you or not. If you want to stop feeling hurt, start putting your happiness in yourself.

Quitting an addiction is never easy, but there's an army of helper soldiers on this forum willing to exterminate anything in your path of happiness. You will notice that when you get there, people will start swarming around you. Wether you like that or not by then is an entirely different thing, though.

Sai:

This isn't about a online game, or this forum. I know that very few people give a honeysuckle about me here, I'm not stupid. I gave up looking for real friends here. I wrote this thread because I need to find ways to get out of this current depression so I can start being happy again, not because I want sympathy, or I'm hoping people will feel sorry for me and want to be friends. And I'm sure as hell not addicted to helping people in the hope they'll like me. Any advice I've given here was given for unselfish reasons. But you believe what you want to believe.

This is about people leaving when times get tough, because that's what they do. Have you ever actually been alone? Completely alone? Ever had your own Father throw a beer bottle at you because you were coughing too loud from the flu? Ever had to steal a candy bar from a store when you were 9 years old, because you hadn't eaten in a week? Do you know how many 'friends' came to visit me in the hospital after the accident when my wife my died? It didn't matter that I was seriously injured, not a single one came.

People only want to be around me when I'm happy with myself and life!? That's some shallow bullishit, and I don't want to be around people like that anyway. But you're right, that is the problem. People don't want to deal with anything difficult. They're self absorbed and selfish. Excuse the hell out of me for not being like that, for caring about someone other than myself. Real friends stick by you in the hard times. They don't hang up the phone on you because the don't want to deal with how sad you are. They don't abandon you because things are tough. They don't leave you in a hospital room, half dead, because they're too busy to deal with it.

You've had people in your life who care, whether you want to admit it or not. Every time I find people like that, they die within a few years - leaving me alone again - or they throw a ******* boot at me because I'm coughing too loud. So until you've gone 25 years with barely having anyone, please refrain from telling me I'm addicted to people.

Forgive me for not being happy with who I am. You see, since people like to pretend that they give a honeysuckle about me and then abandon me with little explanation, I'm  forced to think its because of me. There must be something peopletruly ******* hate about me. And no, its not the depression. I could go pick up some random girl right now by acting happy and confident, if I wanted to. I don't want shallow bullishit like that, but that's all I ever get.

And no, I'm not always depressed. I talked to someone we both know just a few days ago, and I'm sure I sounded happy. I was very happy to talk to them. But maybe I come off as depressed here too often, and that's why you have this distorted view of me. I apoligize for that. It's not who I really am. I did give you my Skype and email when you asked for it, what? 2- 3 months ago? Just in case you ever actually want to know me on something besides a few posts on a message board. But, y'know, whatever.

I just got back from a funeral - someone I cared about. I'm leaving town again. I'll try and be in a better mood when I come back. Hopefully I'm still welcome here after the above rant. Talk to you all later.

Locke ((((hugs))))) look after yourself while you are away. Hope to see you post when you get back.

good luck homie

Locke said:

Ever had your own Father throw a beer bottle at you because you were coughing too loud from the flu? Ever had to steal a candy bar from a store when you were 9 years old, because you hadn't eaten in a week? Do you know how many 'friends' came to visit me in the hospital after the accident when my wife my died? It didn't matter that I was seriously injured, not a single one came.

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*hugs*

Locke said:

People only want to be around me when I'm happy with myself and life!? That's some shallow bullishit, and I don't want to be around people like that anyway. But you're right, that is the problem. People don't want to deal with anything difficult. They're self absorbed and selfish. Excuse the hell out of me for not being like that, for caring about someone other than myself. Real friends stick by you in the hard times. They don't hang up the phone on you because the don't want to deal with how sad you are. They don't abandon you because things are tough. They don't leave you in a hospital room, half dead, because they're too busy to deal with it.

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Funny how I was saying this to you the other time myself.. I think sometimes people don't know how to deal with those who are feeling down and depressed... some maybe just don't care.

But hey, I'm still here for you, Locke. It makes me sad to read all this though.. not cos of you.. but just how bad things have been for you.

Locke said:

Forgive me for not being happy with who I am. You see, since people like to pretend that they give a honeysuckle about me and then abandon me with little explanation, I'm  forced to think its because of me. There must be something peopletruly ******* hate about me.

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Locke, I think there are just more unreasonable people than there are reasonable ones.. and maybe where you are at the different times of your life.. you just happen to not have the good ones around as much. Life is unfair like that.. I was just thinking last night.. how the good and nice people I know are having such a rough time right now each with their own variety of issues.. it's not really fair. But that's life isn't it. :\

Locke said:

I just got back from a funeral - someone I cared about. I'm leaving town again. I'll try and be in a better mood when I come back. Hopefully I'm still welcome here after the above rant. Talk to you all later.

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Hope the funeral wasn't too difficult for you. Do take care and hey, you're always welcome here.