Boys hitting girls(kids hitting eachother)

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Mike413

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This weekend while walking on the boardwalk down the shore I saw a boy hitting a girl. I didn't see it from the beginning but this kind of thing is disturbing to me.

I don't know if they were brother or sister or not. If they were boyfriend and girlfriend then I seriously doubt this girl will stay with this guy. These two went back and forth hitting each other a few times until one of them finally didn't hit back(I think the girl stopped). The girl should have just spat on him or something or tried to trip him. I have to say I am really against any kind of violence(except in self defense)but especially against boys hitting girls. These two were probably about 12 or 13. You can't really say anything in public but it's too bad the parents didn't yell at them or try to stop them or something. It's bad enough when these things happen in the privacy of your own home but in public it's worse.

It is possible that the girl hit the boy first but even if that's the case the boy should just say "stop it" in a loud and firm voice. I do think sometimes girls take advantage of boys but that doesn't make it ok for a boy to him them(and vice versa).
 
I think society should butt out for discipline. Maybe then we wouldn't be wimps when telling our kids "that is wrong!" or "no!". -.- I understand not letting people beat their children, but taking charge is a lot different.

I actually have seen a teen boy hit his girlfriend. She was not only hurt physically, but she was SO torn up inside about the fact he actually hit her. I've also seen guys just "sit there and take it" when the girl "jokingly" hits them. It's become the "norm" it seems.

Whenever I caught my niece hit my nephew (and vice versa....) I stopped it immediately. I surprised the Hell out of them both, considering they thought I was asleep (not with THAT racket...) and the second she raised her hand to hit him I was already up and grabbed her arm before she even had a chance to blink. I also had to teach her NOT TO CAN her brother. With a pointless chore that required hard work. She does not do it anymore. (And all without beating the kid.)

I don't encourage hitting either. Nor approve of it
 
If a guy can't take a hit from a girl then he has a serious problem(unless she's wailing on him which usually would not be the case).

I don't think society should butt out though(although it does depend on the situation). I once saw a father smack a little girl in public(she was maybe four or five at the most). I just stared at him but that was before I owned a cell phone. If he did that now I would call the cops on his ass.
 
I think your thinking too much into it; they're just kids. If they were older then that would be different, but at the moment they're just immature an crazy.
 
Mike413 said:
I have to say I am really against any kind of violence(except in self defense)but especially against boys hitting girls.

What does it matter which gender inflicts violence on which gender? It's equally wrong in any combination.

Mike413 said:
If a guy can't take a hit from a girl then he has a serious problem.

WTF? Why? Would you say the same about a girl taking a hit from a guy? This kind of stuff really pisses me off because it trivializes violence inflicted by women against men. It's bad enough that some people have to endure it - we don't need to also make them feel like it's somehow partially or completely their own fault!
 
Senamian said:
I think society should butt out for discipline. Maybe then we wouldn't be wimps when telling our kids "that is wrong!" or "no!". -.- I understand not letting people beat their children, but taking charge is a lot different.

I actually have seen a teen boy hit his girlfriend. She was not only hurt physically, but she was SO torn up inside about the fact he actually hit her. I've also seen guys just "sit there and take it" when the girl "jokingly" hits them. It's become the "norm" it seems.

Whenever I caught my niece hit my nephew (and vice versa....) I stopped it immediately. I surprised the Hell out of them both, considering they thought I was asleep (not with THAT racket...) and the second she raised her hand to hit him I was already up and grabbed her arm before she even had a chance to blink. I also had to teach her NOT TO CAN her brother. With a pointless chore that required hard work. She does not do it anymore. (And all without beating the kid.)

I don't encourage hitting either. Nor approve of it

I agree that society needs to butt out. Obviously, nobody should stand idle while somebody is being abused. However, when there's a problem with a parent giving their kid a spanking or somebody giving a playful hit to a friend, that bothers me.
 
NerdyGirl, exactly. New parents are being taught the "nothing in life is free" way. Aka bribe, use "uh-uh-uhh" instead of "no", don't ever raise your voice, don't leave them unattended, and for God's sake use a leash. Seriously. There's a monkey, horse, dog, and frog one for them. (I thought someone was walking their dog one day, turns out it was a kid who "did not know how to heel"...) Spanking (maybe just here?) is three light taps on the rump with an open hand, distance no further than a certain amount. It's like patting their backs basically. So people gave up on that. Now what? Cannot "damage their minds" either. So soon time outs, a larger chore workload, etc will be frowned upon.

Desert Wolf: I agree with the thought that girls should not be able to hit guys without consequence. No wonder the genders have been switched drastically. By that I mean women were treated BADLY way back when, and now it's males. Back then beating women was acceptable... Nowadays men getting beat? No one even bats an eyelash. I don't think either or should be "able to take a hit" because they should not have to. Mind you, exclude a "need to" basis, such as defending oneself.

Parents still need to teach their kids (gender does NOT matter) how to treat others. What was that saying... "Treat others the way YOU want to be treated." If I hit someone when I was younger (and I did...) holy crap was I in trouble. Now, someone started it and I defended myself, I wasn't really in trouble. "Do NOT hit first. And NEVER EVER can a boy!" That's what I was told lol!
 
there is a fine line between playful wrestle and sincere(?) hitting. especially among kids as mentioned.

there is also a fine line between discipline and abuse.

its a tough call sometimes when youre just getting a glimpse of what happened. and the law (with every good intention) is in some form actually hindering proper development of good human behavior. people are too afraid now to discipline because they might get in trouble (false accusations from bystanders [with good intentions] who didnt really know what was going on), which is really really sad. the other problem is that too many do not even care [to discipline], which is even more sad.

the population has proven too much abuse that we raise our awareness against it, but we are now too aware of it for those that are properly disciplining.
 
Regumika said:
there is a fine line between playful wrestle and sincere(?) hitting. especially among kids as mentioned.

there is also a fine line between discipline and abuse.

its a tough call sometimes when youre just getting a glimpse of what happened. and the law (with every good intention) is in some form actually hindering proper development of good human behavior. people are too afraid now to discipline because they might get in trouble, which is really really sad. the other problem is that too many do not even care (to discipline), which is even more sad.

That. Right there. Exactly what is happening :( And it is worse when good people do get in trouble for disciplining.
 
DesertWolf said:
Mike413 said:
I have to say I am really against any kind of violence(except in self defense)but especially against boys hitting girls.

What does it matter which gender inflicts violence on which gender? It's equally wrong in any combination.

Mike413 said:
If a guy can't take a hit from a girl then he has a serious problem.

WTF? Why? Would you say the same about a girl taking a hit from a guy? This kind of stuff really pisses me off because it trivializes violence inflicted by women against men. It's bad enough that some people have to endure it - we don't need to also make them feel like it's somehow partially or completely their own fault!


It's really not ok for anyone to hit anyone and I didn't mean to make it sound like I think it is if I did.

However, let's face facts. Boys are stronger than girls and can do more harm phyiscally and emotionally than the other way around. Boys(and men)are usually the agressor not the victim. Sorry if that sounds sexist but it's just how I see things. Violence against men? Unless the woman has a gun or a knife I think the guy in most cases can handle himself(and without resorting to hurting the woman)or he can just walk away. If a man calls the cops on a woman who's side do you think they are going to take? Right or wrong we have to deal with reality. It can be and often is a double standard but that's the way it is.

Also, I can tell you this. I was picked on a lot as a kid(both physically and verbally)and I can tell you that 98 percent of the time it was a male antagonizing me. There were some cruel things done by girls but mostly it was guys. I don't hate males because I am one. I just know that in our society it's ok for us guys to fight back if another male attacks us but not if a woman does it. I know that's maybe not right but that's the way it is. Actually the thing to do if possible in any situation is to just walk away. In the case of a woman just either block her punches or put your arms around her so she can't hit you(if you can't walk away).


nerdygirl said:
Senamian said:
I think society should butt out for discipline. Maybe then we wouldn't be wimps when telling our kids "that is wrong!" or "no!". -.- I understand not letting people beat their children, but taking charge is a lot different.

I actually have seen a teen boy hit his girlfriend. She was not only hurt physically, but she was SO torn up inside about the fact he actually hit her. I've also seen guys just "sit there and take it" when the girl "jokingly" hits them. It's become the "norm" it seems.

Whenever I caught my niece hit my nephew (and vice versa....) I stopped it immediately. I surprised the Hell out of them both, considering they thought I was asleep (not with THAT racket...) and the second she raised her hand to hit him I was already up and grabbed her arm before she even had a chance to blink. I also had to teach her NOT TO CAN her brother. With a pointless chore that required hard work. She does not do it anymore. (And all without beating the kid.)

I don't encourage hitting either. Nor approve of it

I agree that society needs to butt out. Obviously, nobody should stand idle while somebody is being abused. However, when there's a problem with a parent giving their kid a spanking or somebody giving a playful hit to a friend, that bothers me.

Well I wouldn't categorize what I saw on the boardwalk as playful hitting. This was a bit beyond that. I'm not saying these kids were seriously hurting each other but they were old enough to know better(imo). I just don't like to see kids hitting each other but especially boys hitting girls(especially in public).

Also, consider this. I have a niece who's about four and a half or maybe almost five who was hitting my two nephews a few months ago. My nephews are about 9 and 12. They didn't hit her back they just took it. I think they eventually "told on her" but she's a little girl. My brother said(not that I didn't already know this)that boys should not hit girls because boys are stronger than girls and I agree. As a male I believe there is a moral obligation not to hit a female in pretty much any situation(unless maybe if your life is being threatened or unless it's really really necessary to defend yourself using physical force but I'd say rarely that will be the case). Although it hasn't happened much, I have done it in the past(hit females) and I feel bad about it and it's wrong but I've changed my ways.


Senamian: when was it ever ok fo rmen to hit women? Maybe in medieval or cave man times it was viewed as "ok" but certainly not in modern civilization. Men might have gotten away with it more in the past but that doesn't mean it was ever OK.
 
I actually have a unique spin on this from the perspective of a foster parent. My husband and I used to be foster parents (not anymore). We once got a set of two children whose Mother had smacked her daughter in a store for biting her brother's arm. The boy was crying and hurt and she punished her daughter by smacking her butt in the store as she stood in the cart. Someone called the police on her. They removed the children (both terrified I might add) and brought them to us while they investigated her. The children were well cared for, were very young and had been in for doctoring and dental work, the mother was a young professional woman with a college education. She was smart, capable, and a good mother who temporarily lost her cool with her wayward child. Now these kids were pretty young, scared, confused, wanted their Mother more than anything else. They were in a panic basically. They were in unfamiliar beds with people they didn't know. So tell me which is worse for the kids? A small disciplinary action from Mom, or being yanked from everything they know and removed from home because someone overreacted to what they saw in public? I had these babies, and no matter how hard I tried to console them they cried their eyes out on and off the whole time they were at my house basically. And yes, they were returned in a week's time because there was no basis to keep them from their Mother. I can't even imagine how scared she felt or how helpless wondering who had her babies and if they were ok. And this is the danger of acting on something that isn't really and truly real abuse. There is a difference.
 
One little smack is not abuse and I agree with pretty much everything you said FGW. But we all need to be aware of what we do in public. That's the bottom line. Usually just threatening children who are misbehaving is enough whether in a grocery store at home. I'm not a parent but I've seen mothers threaten their kids in public and it seems that usually does the trick.
 
You shouldn't resort to violence full stop, Male or Female. Gender is irrelevant. A big guy picking on a smaller guy, intimidating him and maybe hitting him in the face, I find that as depolorable as if he'd hit a woman. in fact scrap that, why should size matter, if a little psycho attacks a big gentle bloke its no better. Whatever the size or gender, its physical assault.
 
Mike413 said:
One little smack is not abuse and I agree with pretty much everything you said FGW. But we all need to be aware of what we do in public. That's the bottom line. Usually just threatening children who are misbehaving is enough whether in a grocery store at home. I'm not a parent but I've seen mothers threaten their kids in public and it seems that usually does the trick.

I can tell you from personal experience that you can threaten a child numerous times and they really don't care sometimes. And chances are she did, quite frankly. I can well imagine as a Mother myself how much testing was done previously before it came to that. Why do I know this? Exactly the same thing happening between my two kids on about a billion different occasions. Did I smack them in public? No, but there were times one or both really needed some kind of redirect because talking wasn't doing it. Usually it amounted to literally having to leave the store or restaurant and take them home and put them to bed with them wailing at the top of their lungs. And that was with help from my husband. And with this woman being a single parent with a full time job and two children, she needed a slight bit of understanding. And those kids needed their own Mother far more than anyone needed to teach her a lesson about not lightly smacking the bottom of her child over biting her baby brother hard enough to leave teeth marks (which he had when he came to me). Common sense should have prevailed and some people have none.
 
ForGrantedWife said:
I can tell you from personal experience that you can threaten a child numerous times and they really don't care sometimes. And chances are she did, quite frankly. I can well imagine as a Mother myself how much testing was done previously before it came to that. Why do I know this? Exactly the same thing happening between my two kids on about a billion different occasions. Did I smack them in public? No, but there were times one or both really needed some kind of redirect because talking wasn't doing it. Usually it amounted to literally having to leave the store or restaurant and take them home and put them to bed with them wailing at the top of their lungs. And that was with help from my husband. And with this woman being a single parent with a full time job and two children, she needed a slight bit of understanding. And those kids needed their own Mother far more than anyone needed to teach her a lesson about not lightly smacking the bottom of her child over biting her baby brother hard enough to leave teeth marks (which he had when he came to me). Common sense should have prevailed and some people have none.

You must live in a great place. I'm so glad this family was re-united.

I used to work with a support group for families that were taken apart due to false allegations. I've met people who never got their kids back. They were decent loving parents with jobs and stable homes, but those areas had a firm stance of, "where's there's smoke there's fire. We don't have to investigate or believe the testimonies of psychiatrists, churches, etc!"

It infuriates me when people don't stop to assess the situation before they notify authorities that some parent is being, "abusive".
 
If the kids were siblings that is just normal behaviour. With siblings there really is no gender, brothers and sisters will hit each other it's usually not done with intent to harm but just out of reaction to something they did or said. Siblings argue and fight they've been doing since the human race began and will do it for the rest of time.
 
Mike413 said:
However, let's face facts. Boys are stronger than girls and can do more harm phyiscally and emotionally than the other way around.

Boys(and men)are usually the agressor not the victim. Sorry if that sounds sexist but it's just how I see things. Violence against men? Unless the woman has a gun or a knife I think the guy in most cases can handle himself(and without resorting to hurting the woman)or he can just walk away. If a man calls the cops on a woman who's side do you think they are going to take? Right or wrong we have to deal with reality. It can be and often is a double standard but that's the way it is.

---

Also, I can tell you this. I was picked on a lot as a kid(both physically and verbally)and I can tell you that 98 percent of the time it was a male antagonizing me. There were some cruel things done by girls but mostly it was guys. I don't hate males because I am one. I just know that in our society it's ok for us guys to fight back if another male attacks us but not if a woman does it. I know that's maybe not right but that's the way it is. Actually the thing to do if possible in any situation is to just walk away. In the case of a woman just either block her punches or put your arms around her so she can't hit you(if you can't walk away).

Strength matters little if the victim is too afraid to defend themselves, if the aggressor has much more fighting experience, or if as you mentioned they use weapons. You also don't need physical strength to do more emotional damage. And there are lots of women who are stronger than some men. In the UK, more than 40% of domestic violence victims are male, according to a report: http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence . Some studies even report that female perpetrated domestic abuse is more common than male in some areas. Bottom line is violence is a serious problem and appears to be a practically gender-independent.

I know a guy who was assaulted by his female housemate because he refused to take orders from her to clean her room. She punched and choked him, and he had to hit her in self-defense to prevent getting choked to death. She kicked him out of his own house and threatened to claim to the police that he actually assaulted her. The whole ordeal has screwed with his head quite a bit. She has since been told to move out, but until she left he was afraid for his safety around her. Even now he's worried that she might come back to try to seriously injure or even kill him out of a desire to get revenge. Part of why he never reported her was that he believed nobody would take him seriously. Would you really want to trivialize his experience? His is just a mild case; There are many men out there who get far worse physical (and emotional) abuse from their female partners, but there are very few if any services out there to support battered men because of the stupid stereotype that violence is a problem perpetrated mostly by men. Many are too ashamed to ever tell anyone because they often get laughed at or ridiculed - and this contributes to the myth that women on men violence is virtually non-existent. Check out this article: http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/0...ran-mens-safe-house-dies-in-apparent-suicide/

In light of all this do we really want to send a message to these people that there is somehow something wrong with them if they "can't take a hit from a girl" or that their ordeals are somehow less serious just because the victim is male?
 
DesertWolf said:
Mike413 said:
However, let's face facts. Boys are stronger than girls and can do more harm phyiscally and emotionally than the other way around.

Boys(and men)are usually the agressor not the victim. Sorry if that sounds sexist but it's just how I see things. Violence against men? Unless the woman has a gun or a knife I think the guy in most cases can handle himself(and without resorting to hurting the woman)or he can just walk away. If a man calls the cops on a woman who's side do you think they are going to take? Right or wrong we have to deal with reality. It can be and often is a double standard but that's the way it is.

---

Also, I can tell you this. I was picked on a lot as a kid(both physically and verbally)and I can tell you that 98 percent of the time it was a male antagonizing me. There were some cruel things done by girls but mostly it was guys. I don't hate males because I am one. I just know that in our society it's ok for us guys to fight back if another male attacks us but not if a woman does it. I know that's maybe not right but that's the way it is. Actually the thing to do if possible in any situation is to just walk away. In the case of a woman just either block her punches or put your arms around her so she can't hit you(if you can't walk away).

Strength matters little if the victim is too afraid to defend themselves, if the aggressor has much more fighting experience, or if as you mentioned they use weapons. You also don't need physical strength to do more emotional damage. And there are lots of women who are stronger than some men. In the UK, more than 40% of domestic violence victims are male, according to a report: http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence . Some studies even report that female perpetrated domestic abuse is more common than male in some areas. Bottom line is violence is a serious problem and appears to be a practically gender-independent.

I know a guy who was assaulted by his female housemate because he refused to take orders from her to clean her room. She punched and choked him, and he had to hit her in self-defense to prevent getting choked to death. She kicked him out of his own house and threatened to claim to the police that he actually assaulted her. The whole ordeal has screwed with his head quite a bit. She has since been told to move out, but until she left he was afraid for his safety around her. Even now he's worried that she might come back to try to seriously injure or even kill him out of a desire to get revenge. Part of why he never reported her was that he believed nobody would take him seriously. Would you really want to trivialize his experience? His is just a mild case; There are many men out there who get far worse physical (and emotional) abuse from their female partners, but there are very few if any services out there to support battered men because of the stupid stereotype that violence is a problem perpetrated mostly by men. Many are too ashamed to ever tell anyone because they often get laughed at or ridiculed - and this contributes to the myth that women on men violence is virtually non-existent. Check out this article: http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/0...ran-mens-safe-house-dies-in-apparent-suicide/

In light of all this do we really want to send a message to these people that there is somehow something wrong with them if they "can't take a hit from a girl" or that their ordeals are somehow less serious just because the victim is male?

Good post.

I've never really understood the notion of telling boys, "you don't hit girls" because it immediately sets the stance that its therefore less of an issue to hit another male. The message should be clear you never use violence to get your way, to express your anger at someone, its unacceptable. Self defence is the only time you should engage another person in such a manner.

I think this would send a much stronger message from an early age, not "especially girls", you just dont do it. The same principle to women too, its cowardly to physically assault a guy knowing that he would be a social pariah if he hit you back to defend himself, he's practically helpless in that situation and expected to do nothing other than control his temper.

For all the talk of combating bullying, we really as a society do so little to tackle it. 7 hours a day learning to do maths when we have calculators and spelling when we have spell check and maybe one half hour stern talking to a year and only after someone has been seriously bullied. If i was an education secutary I'd reform the school system 50% of time would be on academic education, 25% on physical education and 25% on social education and ethics. Result - an emotionally, physically and mentally well balanced individual prepared for the challenges of adulthood.
 
You guys(and when I say that I mean that in a general way and not to limit it to just males who have responded)are correct and have helped me to correct my biased thinking. The focus should be on people not hitting people or being abusive to others regardless of gender. Perhaps it's just been implanted in me somewhere that it's ok for men to fight each other but they shouldn't hit women(even in self defense). I guess maybe it's a macho or masculine thing to think something like "yeah, I'll beat up a guy but not a woman." But on the other hand if someone is going to get physical with a guy or cause a guy to want to fight I think usually it's going to be another guy. Regardless violence is pointless and men typically only fight because they are either drunk, insecure and need to prove something to themselves or maybe in some rare occasions to defend themselves(I find it's usually possible to walk away and not every man can do that).

However, regardless of what you or I think it's still socially acceptable for men to hit each other and fight each other but not for a man to hit or fight a woman. I can bet you that if those kids on the boardwalk were adults people would have stepped in and the male would have possibly got his ass beat by some other guy who saw it regardless of who started it. A lot of people(including cops)will automatically take the female's side when it comes to violence or hitting between the two genders.
 

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