*nervous wave*

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Nells

Active member
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
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Location
UK
Hello

I found this forum by googling “is it normal to have no friends” which is pretty daft really, considering I don’t actually agree with “normal/not normal” but the phrase suited my query. I have no friends. Zero, not a one. Most of the time it doesn't bother me – I think – other times I am inwardly freaking out that this is not right.

I’m not sure where to start really, or what order to put things. So here goes, and well done if you stick with the entire post!

I am almost 40, married with a teenage son and live in England. I moved around as a child, first aged 9 from the north to the south of England, so my accent was “weird” and I lost all my friends as back then we didn't have emails etc. Then again at almost 16, back to the north ( a different part). Again – weird accent, no friends because this was before the internet (I know, who can even remember?!) If we wanted to keep in touch we had to write letters since phone calls were so expensive and of course no one really kept it up beyond a few months.

I got married and had my son quite young (22) and left work to raise him. I now have mobility issues from a long term condition, and I suppose if I’m honest, clinical depression has been a part of my life since early adolescence.

I’ve had friendships, on and off. I’ve been badly hurt and let down, and baffled by human behaviour. I genuinely believe I am a “nice” person – I am fiercely loyal, highly empathetic, I go out of my way to stay in touch and ask about others (I’d rather talk about them than me) but no one sticks with me. I’ve chosen poorly in the past, people who took advantage of my good nature. I have thought people cared more than they did, and it also seems I place a much higher emphasis on people I used to know because I was the one who moved away, and people who stay where they were born are much, much more laid back. Where I live now, and have done for over 20 years, I barely know anyone. If I ever go back to where I have lived previously – which I avoid as it is too painful – I’d freak out if I see a familiar face.

Anyway this is heading nowhere really. I am lonely, quite often. Having said that I have always been a loner and happy with my own company. it’s just these days I have no other option! I miss talking things over with someone, but anyone I’ve ever had that with has let me down, hurt me quite badly, and left the picture. At almost 40 I don’t know if I can make friends. I don’t know how, and then I don’t even know if I want to. I can’t see what I’d offer, as I have quite a lot to complain about, but while it would be nice if I had someone to say “oh dear that sounds like it sucks” I’m not exactly inclined to discuss it for hours on end as it wouldn’t help. So I don’t think I’m selfish. Who knows. Maybe I’m just not meant to have anyone in my life other than relatives, but it seems a shame to me.

By joining this forum I am reaching out to fellow humans. I’ve had a read of a few threads and people seem very friendly. I hope so, I’ve had a bad BAD experience of forums a few years back and I am really scared of being judged/attacked again but I suppose – clearly – I am risking it.

*hides*
 
Hi dear, you're safe here and if anyone hurts you come talk to me and I'll sort 'em out :)

Actually what you said rang a few bells for me because of similar circumstances in life. It sounds quite familiar. If you ever want to chat drop me a line because I'm similar age (35), teenage son, etc. I can identify with your situation a bit. K? Welcome to the forum.
 
Thanks for the responses so far. I'm sat here really scared that I've done the wrong thing and very nearly didn't post at all. Argh.

This is a weird one. If ever there's a forum I should be able to post in, it's this one! I suppose it feels a little "last chance saloon" for me.

I've also had it reinforced on many occasions that people online are just waiting to rip into you, and I can't do conflict/confrontation at all. I just cry :(

ForGrantedWife, thanks :) If I can work out what to say I will take you up on that.
 
Oh yeah there's ripping once in awhile, you just have to ignore it and move on. Not everyone is a happy camper, so to speak. If someone jumps on you, let it roll off your back like water off a duck's back :) Usually the mods take care of it when things get nasty

(thank you Mods, you rock!)
you+rock.jpg
 
ForGrantedWife said:
Oh yeah there's ripping once in awhile, you just have to ignore it and move on. Not everyone is a happy camper, so to speak. If someone jumps on you, let it roll off your back like water off a duck's back :) Usually the mods take care of it when things get nasty

(thank you Mods, you rock!)
you+rock.jpg

Hooray for mods! As long as that's not me.... :cool:

Ahh I wish I could, I wish I could let it roll off. I tell myself I don't care what people think in real life or online, but it's a lie. I care too much and I find I'm always trying to turn into what people expect/want me to be. Which annoys the crap out of me but don't know how to stop. Because I don't think I really know who I am.
 
Hi and welcome. I am of similar age, also married with a daughter, although I am a boy :D So feel free to join in and don't be nervous!!!
 
Thanks for all the welcomes :)

I'm not sure about chat rooms, maybe one day! Are most people in the US?

As for feeling free to be myself, that's daunting. I'd love to, but that's quite a frightening prospect. Not least because I don't really know who I am. i think one of the problems people have in staying as my friend is I probably come over as several different people depending on what day you catch me. I don't have a personality disorder (I don't think, at least not the multiple one :p ) but I am aware I am pretty changeable.

I suppose that's the advantage other people have with people who've known them for years. They're understood and made allowances for. I'll never have that luxury of someone knowing me and my history.

You know, I'e seen people who are really quite nasty have a lot of support and compassion, and love, from people who say "Oh bless them, that's just them. I know they're x/y/z but that's just who they are and we love them anyway" and I am floored. I think I'm much nicer by comparison and no one ever does that with me. I get silence, distance, coldness.

I wonder how you get people to know you and love you for who you are. My husband does, but that's after 20 years. And it's been a pretty recent development!
 
Hey Nells, welcome to the forum. :)
As you can see, we have quite a nice group of people around here.

Edward W said:
Hi and welcome. I am of similar age, also married with a daughter, although I am a boy :D So feel free to join in and don't be nervous!!!

emoticon-0112-wondering.gif

Sometimes.. I think.. your daughter might just sound more like the parent around you.
 
ladyforsaken said:
Edward W said:
Hi and welcome. I am of similar age, also married with a daughter, although I am a boy :D So feel free to join in and don't be nervous!!!

emoticon-0112-wondering.gif

Sometimes.. I think.. your daughter might just sound more like the parent around you.

emoticon-0110-tongueout.gif
Bluuurggghhh!!! I'm young at heart thats all!!!
emoticon-0105-wink.gif
 
My son is much more grown up than me or his dad, I think that's often the case :)

Can I ask a question please? If anyone reads it and knows I'd love to know the answer..... people with their forum names struck out, are they banned? Is it permanent or can they come back? And what are they banned for? Is there a list of forum rules somewhere?

Thanks in advance.....
 
Yes those are banned accounts. Some have permanent bans, some just temporary. They can still read the froum, but not post till the ban is lifted.

Bans usually come about if someone gets a bit too personal, possibly attacking other members of the forum or posting inappropriate content/comments.

From my perception of you I don't think it's anything you need to worry about.

Don't worry, Eve will usually just club you if you start to get out of line! :club:
 
Welcome to the forum. I have seen you around the games section and your posts are most welcome there :)
 
Cavey said:
Welcome to the forum. I have seen you around the games section and your posts are most welcome there :)

Thanks for saying so. Feels a bit weird, and cheeky, just jumping in :shy:
 

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