Why are women so terrifying?

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secretlycanadian

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I've climed 300 ft wind turbine towers. I've driven 160 mph in real life on Nürburgring. I've walked around downtown Detroit. Alone. At night. But those cute girls who sat next to me at the bar? I couldn't even introduce myself. Why?
 
secretlycanadian said:
I've climed 300 ft wind turbine towers. I've driven 160 mph in real life on Nürburgring. I've walked around downtown Detroit. Alone. At night. But those cute girls who sat next to me at the bar? I couldn't even introduce myself. Why?
Click to expand...
 
Because dying a painful death in a car crash on Nürburgring is less terrifying than rejection?

Introduce yourself anyway next time. Keep trying. It will become less scary in time, and eventually you'll find a girl who won't reject you.
 
You didnt take the risk there, why?

Is fear of rejection bigger than the fear of death?
 
Triple Bogey said:
obviously it was for him.
Click to expand...

I know! A guy who seems to be a risk-taker no matter what, can't be terrified of rejection. He can do it too :)
 
Locke said:
Because dying a painful death in a car crash on Nürburgring is less terrifying than rejection?

Introduce yourself anyway next time. Keep trying. It will become less scary in time, and eventually you'll find a girl who won't reject you.
Click to expand...

That's it. Rejection is a fate worse than death in my warped mind.
 
secretlycanadian said:
Locke said:
Because dying a painful death in a car crash on Nürburgring is less terrifying than rejection?

Introduce yourself anyway next time. Keep trying. It will become less scary in time, and eventually you'll find a girl who won't reject you.
Click to expand...

That's it. Rejection is a fate worse than death in my warped mind.
Click to expand...

Lol, if your mind is warped, then you are not alone. I'm scared to death of rejection. But earlier this month something kind of snapped in me. I asked out a few women, and they all rejected me. A couple of them were impolite in their rejections. I did end up meeting someone though, and it's working out pretty well so far.

Odds are if you keep trying, you'll meet someone too. Don't kill yourself trying or anything, but don't be afraid either. If nothing else, it sounds like you've lived an interesting life. At least you have something to talk about with women.
 
It's like the lottery man, no matter how slim the odds are, you do have to be in it to win it. Same with women, you may be rejected 100 times before you hear a yes, but as long as you do try, you always have the chance of hearing a yes. And do you know who will say it? Probably the one you deserve. ;)

I do need to find the courage to follow my own advice, though...
 
Triple Bogey said:
secretlycanadian said:
I've climed 300 ft wind turbine towers. I've driven 160 mph in real life on Nürburgring. I've walked around downtown Detroit. Alone. At night. But those cute girls who sat next to me at the bar? I couldn't even introduce myself. Why?
Click to expand...

because deep down you knew they would be rude to you or they wouldn't be interested.
Click to expand...

That type of comment is not needed. Since an attempt was never made this isn't known, they could very well have been nice to him. Don't start with junk like that.
 
Because you have no control over how they react to you.

You have a fair degree of control over the other things that you've done - whether or not you look down when you climb that turbine, how you control your feelings when you're alone in a city at night, whether or not you brake at the next corner if you're too fast.

But you can't control what response you'll get from other people when you introduce yourself. And you're worried that you'll get a negative response (because you, like me, watch films, read books, see how horrible people CAN be).

You might get such a negative response - for all sorts of reasons (they're pestered by men all the time, they have a boyfriend and aren't interested, because they like making themselves feel bigger by putting other people down).

But you might not - you might get chatting. You might not get a relationship or even a friend out of things, but you just might get the wee boost that comes from taking the leap to introduce yourself. You just might spark the flame :)
 
In this perspective, also bees and goats and anything alive is terrifying, because one has no control about how they react. Thing is, probably from bees and goats you don't want anything, while from women you want .... (insert need here: approval? sex? motherly love? just trying to guess)
 
argosgold said:
Because you have no control over how they react to you.

You have a fair degree of control over the other things that you've done - whether or not you look down when you climb that turbine, how you control your feelings when you're alone in a city at night, whether or not you brake at the next corner if you're too fast.
Click to expand...

I thought this exactly.
 
I think it's more a fear of oneself; a fear installed in us shy/introverted guys by society.

We are raised in a society that we do think condones approaching a girl; that it is pretty much frowned upon. It's cemented in us because we've never see it done during the day and the only time we think it's acceptable is during the night, in a club or a bar.

Which is hell for us guys that loathe bars and clubs.

I know about flirting signals and body language - and yet I'm more often than not incapable of approaching those girls that are giving me the green light to talk to them.

It's infuriating for me. Even earlier today I saw in my college a girl walking past me that just a few days earlier had given me the green light to approach her; and she thought she was going to be approached by me the last time we noticed each other, since she saw that I was picking up her signals left and right - this last time (before today) is when I was walking towards the rubbish bins to throw away my disposable coffee container that I had got in my college's cafeteria, and she was right behind me - following me. I noticed that when I turned around, after throwing the container, and saw her standing right behind me; she saw that I noticed her so she quickly looked away and I think I saw a slight smile; I stood in disbelive, and didn't know what to do, for a few seconds, until I started to proceed to walk away and towards my table where I was studying at; she stood still too.

She was still standing around, with nothing to do around the rubbish bins, when I was walking away. Probably in disbelief that I didn't approach her, even though girls should be getting used to that now since they aren't approached during the day.

It still amazes me that I get so many flirting signals from girls, even thought very few men approach them (if any men at all - I've never seen it during the daytime; and I have only done it three times myself, all of which were short interactions and where I completely failed in asking for their number or any contact details)

....sometimes I just want to kick myself in the balls. I really do.

And especially when I'll be fifty and alone. I'm willing to bet a billion dollars (better yet, make that a million dollars!) that I'll still be intimidated in approaching women then as I am now

3pvwab.jpg


[video=youtube]
 
when I got a job many years ago working in a retail store, I went to work the first week or so feeling scared every day. I wasn't the type to be able to be smooth and walk up to strangers and ask to help them or give advice or anything like that. I expected my job wouldn't last more than a few weeks.
but with practice and easing myself into situations, standing there with my boss as he approached them and stuff like that, I "climatized" myself to it and eventually got used to it and next thing I knew.. I was actually great at it!

this same type of self-training worked for me when I had a job changing windows on skyscrapers while dangling 30 stories above the street. I wasn't always comfy at heights, infact, it took some practice and lots of opportunities to climb smaller ladders and work my way up to those heights.

I believe the same technics can come into play when it comes to most of life's situations, including meeting girls/guys.
you need to get to a point where you are subconsciously comfortable in the situation. once you get there it's all down hill from there.


in all honesty, I haven't had troubles with girls since I was maybe still in highschool. but what I see people having trouble with, is the way people see each other as a separate species too often.
talk to a girl as if she is just another human like you are. try to put it out of your mind that she is different in any way whatsoever. look them in the eye and talk as though you are talking to yourself in a mirror, looking deep inside as if you are seeing their soul. set it up inside your mind as if you are in a foreign country and she is one of the few around that speaks your language or appears to be from the same place as you. or something along those lines.
and most of all.. don't second guess yourself or examine your every move. don't hold back in fear of not being accepted.
we sort each other out and feel attraction or rejection towards people for a reason. we all do that no matter what gender you are, in order to find someone we connect with. how can anyone know if you are a right fit if we do not present ourselves.. as ourselves?
be who you are and don't be afraid of it. if you don't show yourself then how is your soul-mate supposed to find you?

as others have already said above. it's only fear. and fear is simply an emotion. not anything real.
 
women aside... rejection comes from both sides.. and the reason why death is less scary than rejection is because you dont have to deal with what happens after death.

but you WILL have to deal with the rejection. so that is why its more scary.
 
Walley said:
when I got a job many years ago working in a retail store, I went to work the first week or so feeling scared every day. I wasn't the type to be able to be smooth and walk up to strangers and ask to help them or give advice or anything like that. I expected my job wouldn't last more than a few weeks.
but with practice and easing myself into situations, standing there with my boss as he approached them and stuff like that, I "climatized" myself to it and eventually got used to it and next thing I knew.. I was actually great at it!

this same type of self-training worked for me when I had a job changing windows on skyscrapers while dangling 30 stories above the street. I wasn't always comfy at heights, infact, it took some practice and lots of opportunities to climb smaller ladders and work my way up to those heights.

I believe the same technics can come into play when it comes to most of life's situations, including meeting girls/guys.
you need to get to a point where you are subconsciously comfortable in the situation. once you get there it's all down hill from there.


in all honesty, I haven't had troubles with girls since I was maybe still in highschool. but what I see people having trouble with, is the way people see each other as a separate species too often.
talk to a girl as if she is just another human like you are. try to put it out of your mind that she is different in any way whatsoever. look them in the eye and talk as though you are talking to yourself in a mirror, looking deep inside as if you are seeing their soul. set it up inside your mind as if you are in a foreign country and she is one of the few around that speaks your language or appears to be from the same place as you. or something along those lines.
and most of all.. don't second guess yourself or examine your every move. don't hold back in fear of not being accepted.
we sort each other out and feel attraction or rejection towards people for a reason. we all do that no matter what gender you are, in order to find someone we connect with. how can anyone know if you are a right fit if we do not present ourselves.. as ourselves?
be who you are and don't be afraid of it. if you don't show yourself then how is your soul-mate supposed to find you?

as others have already said above. it's only fear. and fear is simply an emotion. not anything real.
Click to expand...

working in retail has given me the skills to talk to people. I don't use that skill in social situations though. The dates I have been on recently , I have felt calm, relaxed and confident.
 

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