longing for and running from friendship at the same time

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silver birch leaves

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I complain that I feel lonely and that I can't find a friend, and when I finally find someone with whom I get on well, I don't know how to handle it, I get scared and run away or keep distance. It's been like this as far as I can remember. Is there anyone with similar problem?
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I can relate to this. Is it like fearing being hurt?

Yes, it's the main reason I can name. Do you ever manage to overcome it?

thanks Muse!
 
silver birch leaves said:
I complain that I feel lonely and that I can't find a friend, and when I finally find someone with whom I get on well, I don't know how to handle it, I get scared and run away or keep distance. It's been like this as far as I can remember. Is there anyone with similar problem?


Yes, I do something similar. I think it's a control issue; if the friendship is going to go wrong anyway, I may as well be the one to make it happen, that way I'm the one in control.....rather than being the one who's rejected.
 
I used to have this problem, but I realized that if I treated them as failures before they failed that's what I'd get. Whether it was sabotaging a friendship myself or failing to bring out the good in them.
 
constant stranger said:
Yes, I do something similar. I think it's a control issue...

When I think about past events, trying to be in control may be my problem. I just can't understand why I would try to do it. This seems to bring no good at all and it's against my principles of letting people live their lives as they wish. Thanks constant stranger!

licorice said:
I used to have this problem, but I realized that if I treated them as failures before they failed that's what I'd get. Whether it was sabotaging a friendship myself or failing to bring out the good in them.

'failing to bring out the good in them' - this for some reason is resonating in my head. Maybe I should stick it in front of my eyes

Retrospective81 said:
Drama said:
*hug* I know how it feels.. =/
Me too :\ sorry, I forgot to get back to a thread where you said 'hi' How are you btw? :)

Thank you two!

btw, I'm quite good now, mainly because I'm trying hard to keep myself busy I guess :) It's a pity that we all seem to live so far away from each other, isn't it
 
silver birch leaves said:
I complain that I feel lonely and that I can't find a friend, and when I finally find someone with whom I get on well, I don't know how to handle it, I get scared and run away or keep distance. It's been like this as far as I can remember. Is there anyone with similar problem?

That's my speciality: distancing myself from emotional connections. Some deep rooted fear of "what if". I've been very fortunate to have a friend who really gets me, I hope u find that one bestie for yoself!
 
Speciality? Yes, I could say I'm highly skilled in this respect too, but trying hard to change it.

I think I know what kind of bestie you mean. I'm so glad you have one. Can we share them?

Sansui said:
That's my speciality: distancing myself from emotional connections. Some deep rooted fear of "what if". I've been very fortunate to have a friend who really gets me, I hope u find that one bestie for yoself!
 
silver birch leaves said:
Speciality? Yes, I could say I'm highly skilled in this respect too, but trying hard to change it.

I think I know what kind of bestie you mean. I'm so glad you have one. Can we share them?

Sansui said:
That's my speciality: distancing myself from emotional connections. Some deep rooted fear of "what if". I've been very fortunate to have a friend who really gets me, I hope u find that one bestie for yoself!

No can do :), maybe if she was an acquintance, not when she's like family!!
 
I met this pretty cool guy at work. He invited me to hang out once, and I just didn't feel like it. Then we set up some other time to hang out and he forgot about it...

I seem to desire friendship on some level, but then avoid it at the same time. I am not sure why this is.
 
I understand this. The problem with me is that I pass up friendships because I feel like I'm a burden, emotional baggage, somebody whose true colours aren't pretty. I ridiculously think I'm doing the world a service by forging as little relationships as possible. It's best that nobody knows me because knowledge of me is probably scarring. :/

I also have a long history of friends leaving or distancing themselves from me, or treating me bad enough that I can't take it anymore. I expect every friend I make to do that eventually, so I'm either too far away for someone or too clingy.

I understand you completely.
 
silver birch leaves said:
I complain that I feel lonely and that I can't find a friend, and when I finally find someone with whom I get on well, I don't know how to handle it, I get scared and run away or keep distance. It's been like this as far as I can remember. Is there anyone with similar problem?

Hi Silver birch, I can relate to your posting as well. I feel the reason why I am this way is because:

I have been hurt too many times in the past.
I have been let down within friendships.
I move around too much.
I find it hard to explain why my life is complicated, or explain why I had to make the choices that I have made.

I hope that there is hope for everyone who feels like this.
 
TropicalStarfish, Paramoar, Amethyst and all others, I'm so so so thankful for all your posts. Your voices were kind of an eye opener :)

PS I'm not going to be around for some time, but please leave any other comments you may have. Thank you!
 
silver birch leaves said:
TropicalStarfish, Paramoar, Amethyst and all others, I'm so so so thankful for all your posts. Your voices were kind of an eye opener :)

PS I'm not going to be around for some time, but please leave any other comments you may have. Thank you!

Silver birch, I hope that your leave of absence is not for too long. Take care and hope to see you back in the forums soon.
 

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