Do girls really, deep down, want guys to approach them?

Doesn't matter if it's in the street where you will probably not see the guy again or on campus where you often see the guy.

This question is mainly aimed at the wonderful females here; guys are free to chime in

I've often wondered if girls honestly, deep down, want a stranger to approach and talk to them; even though I see their flirting signals (in the street or on my college campus) I often wonder, if they are just doing it because they like what they see or that they actually want me to stop them and talk to them.

It often seems like a habit to the girls to send out their signals, thus leaving me to wonder if they even know they are doing it.

I'm pretty sure girls with social anxiety prefer guys to not approach them (please correct me if I'm wrong) but what about "normal" girls.

...and if girls actually really want guys to approach them (meaning they aren't just admiring the looks of the guy) then how do you keep approach anxiety at bay?

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

If you don't approach them on the street, you must go and do it on bars and clubs, which isn't my style at least. It's true that not all girls want to be approached on the road, but they will usually let you know they don't (talking on the phone, looking away, walking fast, wearing indifferent faces, etc etc). There is no reason not to approach a girl that sends out all the signals if you like her. In case you do disturb her, just apologize and be on your way.

I'm a man, but you said you don't mind if men chime in.

It seems like you're asking if women generally flirt for no apparent reason. If they're sending out signals there is probably a reason. You can't know until you approach them and talk.

I don't know what kind of signals you're talking about though. If a girl smiles at you on the street, then sometimes it's just a friendly smile.

As for "approach anxiety", you just have to fight through it. If she rejects you, at least it will be over soon.

Vladimir Putin said:

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

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Do you really not understand why they turn you down when you say nasty things like this? Maybe women can sense how full of hate you are as soon as you open your mouth. How do you think it makes the women on this forum feel when you post this crap? I doubt you spend any time considering their feelings, and yet you want women to consider yours?!

I get it: You'e lonely and you want to blame women. But the thing is, you very obviously don't know a **** thing about women. You should try taking a look at yourself.

Locke said:

Vladimir Putin said:

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

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How do you think it makes the women on this forum feel when you post this crap?

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What about the men too, seeing statments like the one above pisses me off as well as it reflects poorly on my gender. We don't all think that way.

Edward W said:

Locke said:

Vladimir Putin said:

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

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How do you think it makes the women on this forum feel when you post this crap?

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What about the men too, seeing statments like the one above pisses me off as well as it reflects poorly on my gender. We don't all think that way.

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You'e right, sorry Edward. The human race would be doomed if we all thought like that. It pisses me off too.

There would be only one way to find out.

do women have emotions and desires like the male counterparts of the species?
of course they do!
don't be fooled by differences between the genders.. women are humans too and not a whole lot different than men.
sure we have some stereotypical difference between or biology and attitudes, but men don't all share a single brain either do we?

you will get a lot further with the opposite sex when you settle on the conclusion that we are all people and it's not all about us-vs-them.
they aren't mysterious aliens.

to answer the question more directly, just think of it like this: would you want someone to approach you?
I understand that as a guy our first thought would be: hell yes!
but think about that for a moment..
sure, some pretty girl or one you may find interesting would be welcome to come sit on my lap unannounced!
but what if it's someone that you don't find attractive? or one that just simply forces themselves onto you even when you don't reciprocate.
the answer is, all within reason. technique is everything.
even the best looking most confidant guy can scare a girl with the wrong approach.

my opinion and it may be completely wrong is

Women like getting approached by men they like. Otherwise they don't.

Walley said:

...you will get a lot further with the opposite sex when you settle on the conclusion that we are all people and it's not all about us-vs-them.
they aren't mysterious aliens. ...

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This is IMO very good advice.

(there are some differences, but nothing you won't get your head around.. with some effort)

I think guys are brought up to see a pretty girl and step up aren't they? That's the protocol. It might not work for every one, some girls might not want to be bothered, but thats how the world has worked forever. Birds do it, bees do it... etc. Girls approach guys nowadays too which is long overdue... The effect? Well guys preen themselves a little more, actually think occasionally about what they are wearing and how they smell, which is no bad thing too. I swear gender gaps are narrowing, personally I hope we don't all become all one big homogenous blob, I like men being men an women being women but meeting each other half way is a good thing definitely.

Walley said:

...sure, some pretty girl or one you may find interesting would be welcome to come sit on my lap unannounced!
but what if it's someone that you don't find attractive? or one that just simply forces themselves onto you even when you don't reciprocate.

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That comes with the territory though doesn't it. If they expect men to risk rejection and humiliation while they remain aloof and oh-so mysterious, then that might involve having to turn down the odd unattractive 'beta'. Most low status men don't approach these days, so I have to wonder how often they'll be put in those situations.

Vladimir Putin said:

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

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You spout anymore of that misogynistic bullshit and I'll give you a 3 month break from the forum.

Locke said:

Vladimir Putin said:

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

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Do you really not understand why they turn you down when you say nasty things like this? Maybe women can sense how full of hate you are as soon as you open your mouth. How do you think it makes the women on this forum feel when you post this crap? I doubt you spend any time considering their feelings, and yet you want women to consider yours?!

I get it: You'e lonely and you want to blame women. But the thing is, you very obviously don't know a **** thing about women. You should try taking a look at yourself.

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Exactly right. Vladimir's negative mindset and attitude towards women is the main reason he's lonely. Simple as that.

I think most single women would like to be approached by a fun guy with good intentions. Probably depends on their mood though, there might be some days when they don't want to be approached by anyone. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing if it's one of those days.

......because I think this thread is hilarious.[video=youtube]

EveWasFramed said:

Vladimir Putin said:

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

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You spout anymore of that misogynistic bullshit and I'll give you a 3 month break from the forum.

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Jeeez eve why is that even offensive? It's just men saying men things. I wish people could just be human beings on here, it's not misogynistic, it's just human. Men are from mars, women are from Venus, you know? The whole reason for this Forum being created is people just dont understand each other. Why is that not allowed? We all struggle like fresia to understand each other, dont we? I know, I know.... there are certain things we can't say... Its unacceptable to say 'I just dont get the opposite sex at times they piss me off'.

Eve, you know I have a lot of respect for you, and Sci-fi truth be told. I've just lost all faith in people being allowed to be people on line, it's all just bullshit. They have to toe the line VERY strictly. I just can't be doing with it, I think I'm out, it's like being trained to think a certain way, it's a forum for just saying nice things to each other.

Anyway, That's my last post.

Lippy_Kid said:

EveWasFramed said:

Vladimir Putin said:

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

Click to expand...

You spout anymore of that misogynistic bullshit and I'll give you a 3 month break from the forum.

Click to expand...

Jeeez eve why is that even offensive? It's just men saying men things. I wish people could just be human beings on here, it's not misogynistic, it's just human. Men are from mars, women are from Venus, you know? The whole reason for this Forum being created is people just dont understand each other. Why is that not allowed? We all struggle like fresia to understand each other, dont we? I know, I know.... there are certain things we can't say... Its unacceptable to say 'I just dont get the opposite sex at times they piss me off'.

Eve, you know I have a lot of respect for you, and Sci-fi truth be told. I've just lost all faith in people being allowed to be people on line, it's all just bullshit. They have to toe the line VERY strictly. I just can't be doing with it, I think I'm out, it's like being trained to think a certain way, it's a forum for just saying nice things to each other.

Anyway, That's my last post.

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Im sorry to see you go, but the poster in question has prior issues on the forum that you obviously don't know about. It's not just THIS current post of his.
Also, how do you think it makes women feel to see men allowed to make these kinds of derogatory comments? Do you have ANY idea how many females have left this forum due to this kind of honeysuckle?
It's a pattern from some of the same users, over and over again.
While you may not see it as a big deal, I can assure that others do.
Glance at the "Closed Discussion" thread and see how many female bashing threads have been closed. RARELY is it women bashing men on here (and when I see it, I put a stop to it).
I've enjoyed your posts and you generally have relevant things to add. However, I cannot agree to "let people be people" when those people are lashing out at others due to their own bitterness.
And it's not just "men saying things." It's a pattern of hatred of the opposite sex. Why should any woman have to put up with reading that kind of crap on here?
No - it WAS offensive. Even some of the MEN were offended. It's not about the poster needing to "understand" the opposite sex - it's about him lashing out in frustration. It certainly was misogynistic. He basically said that women just use certain behaviors to get attention - like they just USE men for self-validation. I find that attitude VERY misogynistic.

Bah! Im not explaining anything further. I stand by my opinion and the history of such posters/threads/posts speak for themselves.

Well, if things ever calm down in this thread, maybe some women could respond to the question? I'd like to see that, but at the same time, no pressure.

How do I even begin to answer the questions in this thread...

So, I shall state my female opinion on this certainly interesting topic...

First of all, I don't understand the dispute about the supposedly offensive comment about women flirting for attention. All I can say from my experiences is that this is definitely true in more cases than you might think or notice or it is just done for self-satisfaction. This is not always gender-specific though and it is not like there are only ignorants out there, of course, in which case I have to agree with Eve. This is my personal opinion though, so there is no point in arguing about it.

Concerning the approaching of women...I really think that most girls like it if a guy does so, as long as he seems sincere and friendly. Many try to look their best - of course - since you never know who might come along, right? That is what one might call flirting, like playing with their hair or smiling offensively into your direction, anything like that. This is perfectly normal (especially with younger women aged from teenager to 30) and you shouldn't hold back because something irritates you or something. Sure, for some girls, it has become a habit that they do subconsciously, but that is not the majority.

I don't think that anyone would go ahead sending out signals just because they "like what they see", at least this seems kind of weird to me since it wouldn't make any sense if you're not interested in getting to know that person and just staring. With anxious women...I can't say for sure, but my viewpoint is that they are not totally scared of any kind of personal contact right away as long as you are cautious with your behavior and maybe try to be a little more subtle with your approach. They might take longer to open up to you, so maybe they seem a little ignorant or not interested at first, but I wouldn't give up too quickly.

Just remember to follow your gut feeling! If you notice someone you are interested in, try and talk to that someone. She doesn't have to be waving at you right away and blow you kisses, she might just not know what a nice person you are (I assume right now that you are, I hope I am not going to regret this ) so go ahead and introduce yourself in the best way you can. Even if they aren't interested in you (which might happen sometimes), there are a lot of females out there who like it if a guy tries to start a conversation - hell I'd kill for an opportunity like this! Well, maybe not kill but yeah...

To put it all in a nutshell: Be yourself and try not to think about what to say too much since it will stop you from actually having a conversation because you're busy imagining what you could say. Show some basic manners and be a gentleman, I think most people (no matter the gender) like that/expect that from others and the rest will develop by itself. If you try too hard, it probably won't work out, so try to stay relaxed and not plan too much.

I have no idea if this advice is suitable for you since you were talking about fear of approaching someone, but I think relying more on the heart than the head is a good start since the head sometimes stops you from doing things that have a positive effect even if they don't seem like it when you think about it.

I wish I could follow my own advice sometimes